What Am I Reading Wednesday - Fifty Shades Freed by E.L. James

What do we know about Trilogies? Well Screams Randy says all bets are off for everyone including the main character. So I kept that in mind when I tucked into the last book in the Fifty Shades. Randy also said: There will be unexpected back story, villains that need to be decapitated and cryogenically frozen to kill, and past that comes up and bite you in the ass.

Well lookie here this book fits all that in some way shape or form. 

E.L. picks up several weeks into freshly married Grey’s honeymoon around Europe. The honey moon serves no point in this book but to put both of them as far away from danger as humanly possible while some freak of nature sets fire to something inside Grey Enterprises. Also to have more “kinky fuckery” her words not mine.

From the get go this book is unbelievably sloppy. There were inconsistencies in language, more and more I can not overlook the amount of Britishness these American characters seem to posses. My personal pet peeve is yar. What the fuck is a yar? Are we pirates?

Granted I used yargh this past Friday in my Flash Fictioneer submission, but there really were pirates in it. Yar and it’s unknown meaning was used at least twice. This slip of local UK colloquial into and American book is unacceptable. Regular natives don’t talk like that. Nor do we call each other arse.

The story itself hmm what can I say to salvage this? Well Ana is still trying to get on solid ground with Christian the soulless ginger. He’s still his usual overbearing self, making bad decisions that end up making him regret not being open with Ana. I think I died a little every time Ana said please don’t be mad at me. By the time she grows a back bone, I stopped caring if either of them were mad.

So back to Randy and his rules for Trilogies. It does tie up all loose ends when the source of some of the new couples issues is caught not once but twice because the first time wasn’t good enough. We see the brief and satisfying return of Elena for all of five minutes right after a crazy pivotal moment. And the Soulless Ginger kindly decided to open up enough and give Ana a bone by delving into his past. And we even get to return to the beginning when the couple stays at the same hotel where they combed over the contract in book one.

What I do like about this last book and there isn’t much, is the time warp she has going on. She jumps back to recall certain things and at the end she even jumps forward. Of course the future is so sugary sweet I wanted to gag, but the romantic in me wanted to sigh. That is until Ms. James ruined it with an image of a very pregnant Ana trussed up on a rack and being pleasured. I know it happens James, but did you have to  go there? I don’t think so.  I’m screaming vivid mental picture and not in a happy way. That part actually made me cringe a little. It lacked taste some how by sullying the sappy goodness of the future Grey family.

I also liked that there is an over site built right into the story leading up a rather explosive scene in the book where Christian walks out. It was so subtle that I think E.L. James might not have seen it if she wasn’t paying attention herself. It was there just waiting to be notice and good for her to have caught it and capitalized on it at the end.

I give this book Fifty Shades Freed one thumb only because it does what it’s supposed to do by ending the story. It is not executed well at all and frankly I can no longer say that this is a good read. 

I’m glad it’s over it was a nice story if you remove all the extra fluff but really not meant to be enjoyed by someone over the age of 20 even if the content is racey.

I congratulate you Ms. James on making such a sensational book how ever I hope that until you learn to write better, don’t type anything else.

That was pretty harsh wasn’t it. Oh well.

What Am I Reading Wednesday (On Friday): Fifty Shades Darker by EL James

I wanted to get a jump on Fifty Shades before the summer was out so I’ve got book two ready to go.

Anastasia and Christian are back with Fifty Shades Darker. Last time we left off Ana broke up with Christian because he was too much of a soulless ginger. I’m kidding really I am. But she did leave him. You can believe though, like any unhealthy relationship, she took him back.

I have to say that Ms. James did a great job on the heart break. Shit, I felt just as miserable as Ana for about five minutes. You know the amount of time it took for me to realized there was still sooo much book left.

So she took him back. He demands she move in with him and things don’t go all happily ever after. We’ve got Mrs. Robinson, a deranged ex-sub, a serial sexual harasser, and of course the Goddess and the Librarian.

I was not as impressed with the inner goddess as much as I was in the first book. She comes off as a horny teen, sort of campy and predictable. The Librarian thought comes off a little stronger in the book. It must be a trade off.  I’m guessing is Anastasia’s evolution or some such. I’m excited to say that I’ve already gotten the last book in the Trilogy, so end of her growth will be highly anticipated.

Christian, my word, you evil Ginger you! He also undergoes some changes here. He learns the word compromise. Not much because let’s admit it it’s Christian. Millions of women around the world would not be reading this book if Christian all of a sudden did a 180 and become Mr. Sensitivity. (Queue Ralph Tresvant {I’m gentleman at heart}) He’s still domineering but somehow it got into his unusually thick sex muddled skull that if he wants to keep Ana he needs to give a little slack on her leash. Leash Get It *wink.

I’m going to give a little spoiler only because I’m like the last person to read the Fifty Shades series. Christian has got to be the most manipulative man in the world or he really needs that shrink they keep mentioning. Holy Cow, does he ever pull a stunt. So somewhere around 3/4 to the end, Ana once again is asking for space Christian just can’t give. Instead of getting mad and having hot sex in the elevator, he panics and takes a submissive position on his knees. Well Fuck Me Gently With A Chain Saw. I did not see that coming at all.

Had I been in Ana’s place I honestly don’t know what I’d do. Ms. Townes held her breath while reading this part. Well done, and I applaud you Ms. James for that brilliant piece of  role reversal and for your character because he told you to write that. Bravo. Bonus points for giving me yet another reason why I’ll never date a red head. Christian is King Unflushable

Because this story so far has been all about the relationship between Christian and Ana I found it very interesting to weave in a few more stories outside of the relationship. Ana’s boss the lecherous pig lives up to all the names Christian called him. Mia, Christian’s sister seems to have wound her way into the story as well. We also get a little more depth out of Mrs. Robinson. What a thing of work she is! I like it. I like that life around the two main characters has expanded and grown so that the story, still over the top, becomes a little rounded.  

I can say that this second book will get two thumbs up. I can’t say there will be a vlog this week though because Ms. Townes is truly sick again and has the worst voice in the world and a horrible break out of acne. I can deal with bad hair but acne and no voice. I don’t think so.

Next week I’ve got another one  of my favorite authors coming up. Dakota Cassidy with Accidentally Dead Again. You guessed it more vampires. This time the hottie is in sequence.