Adventures in Doggy Poop

One of my friends from back in the day when drinking was cool (it still is just not for me) posted on Facebook this seriously funny article about baby poop. The author a new mom herself waxed eloquent about her fascination with her little girls back door emissions.


That led me to thinking about my Chewy. He is a very special boy. In dog years, he's older than me, but he's still a six year old dog. First about how it took him four days to go number two when he first came home. Read that here in a previous post. Then I thought about how he goes about "going" now. It  is a vey involved process, serious business, for him anyway.


But back to the topic at hand. I've on at least three occasions asked Occupy to take Chewy on a walk, sending them off with very specific instructions to bag the poop. Occupy refuses to bag the poop. Says something about the smell. He should have been here when Chewy had worms.


Thanks to the recommendation of the Vet, the Groomer, the SD Humane Society, the Natural Foods Pet Store Owner, and dog lovers I meet on our walks, Chewy eats better than I do. Sadly it comes out pretty odious, and he's gassy.  You'd think that if I give him better food that it'd smell better. It doesn't, so picking it up while it's still warm is no treat.


Last night, we, as a very dysfunctional family unit, took Chewy out for his bed time walk. The special little man that he is stopped at every pole, bush, tree, and trash can on the route. Every time he looks at me as if for permission to drop a deuce. In unison me and Occupy say over and over "go ahead Chewy" "Its okay, you can do it," and really it is because I'll be right there to pick it up.  I can honestly  I've spent a great deal of time staring at his ass just to see if was actually going to go. I can tell you that it's not something I wake up looking forward to.


I do have to say though that the process is hilarious to see. Watching the little guy figure out that he's going to go is awesome. I swear he's looking for a patch of super soft grass or something. It's not like he's going to lay in afterwards so why does this matter? Last night while me and Occupy were discussing the merits of Tea Cup dogs, Chewy circled the same tree five times. I smoked an entire Camel Wide waiting for him to get it together. After all that posing, pausing and repositioning, his butt finally took charge. I know because I saw it leaking butt juice. I am fascinated by this butt juice. I'm told the butt juice is produced by two glands located right near his butt hole (I am truly getting a kick out of this. Toilet humor moves me), and their sole purpose is to lube the poo as it comes out. It's like a visual cue for me.  Poor guy ended up going at the edge of the sidewalk while cars on the main road passed by. The little brain fart had the audacity to make eye contact while he did it too.

I'm too sexy for this Blog

There are something I really don't want to experience, one of them is eye contact while defecating. Yet my dog seems more than comfortable eye fucking me while he's doing his do. Eghads he's a weird creature!


Now here is where me and Occupy differ. Not only do I, like a good doggie momma pick up his poo with my special doggie poo bag, I'm going to inspect it too! I have to, I don't want to, but I'm really not excited to treat another worms infestation. That is just not something I wan to see.


Occupy is practically gagging while I inspect the poop. Something like "I can't do that. Oh man the smell" and I'm sure a few more things. Personally I'm with him on this, but it's a law, and I like to psyche myself out by believing that crap I read on Petside. Yeah yeah you CAN tell a lot about an animal by their poop. All kinds of interesting facts. I believe that, I was at some point going to school to be a vet, so this is actually true. Doesn't mean I like it. It smells like shite, it is shite, so why would I like this?


And to add the insult of a steaming bag of shite, the better, faster, and lighter Chewy, decided to start high tailing it home. What was at first a nice evening amble is now a power walk with Chewy in the lead. He's surprisingly strong, and when I'm in the mood to humor him I let him walk me.


And why not? I got the poop.

Snooty Poo and Shoes

So this is what I meant to write about before I went of on a Tyler Perry Tangent. Sometimes you just have to get things off you chest.


The Blessing I spoke about was the reason. I am  a phone sex operator. It pays the bills, it allows me to write, it allows me to attend school. I wonder what would I gain by talking about some of the calls I get? Truthfully that's not me, how ever I feel somedays I need an outlet and this blog is not the right platform.

Hey Stud...

I happened to stumble on a blog that by a fellow agent and it reads like a how to manual for professionals. Kind of like the blogs I follow written by published writers, what not do to, blah blah blah. Again that's not me.


I am not a seasoned professional, this is not my lifetime gig. This is my current hustle and truthfully I just hate leaving my house.

No Comment, really I got nuthin.

But lets get down to business. What's this job like? A lot of poo. I hate poo, I hate talking about it, faking that I like it, and it just grosses me out to absolutely the inth of grossness. And what do you think my regular callers are all about? You guessed it, Poo.


Another thing I seem to have the knack for is ball smashing. Just call me Dr. Squeeze.  What's scary about these things, other than my over inflated ego, is that I get these kinks. the taboo behind some of this stuff is really basic.


It all comes down to a person's desire to either let go or rebel. I'm finding out more and more that my callers have deep rooted desires to give up their control even for a few minutes. In being able to let truly relax they are getting their release. Get it release, heh heh.


Sounds like some poetic psychobabble? Well, because it is, but in this cliche, the truth is so blatantly frickin obvious. I can't think of anything off the top of my head to state that better.


You know the first time I did this job years ago I didn't have so many special kink callers. I guess that is no longer the case. Vanilla sex is a thing of the past for my customers. I wonder if it's a trend that will go the way of the Dinosaurs or jheri curls? Or maybe it's like those super high heels that everyone has but can't walk in. I got a few (oh God I wandered into shoe territory, somebody help me before I start window shopping at NineWest.)


My job is not all about kink though I wish it were. Lately I've been getting callers who don't specify their fantasy. See it goes like this you ( I say you figuratively, not YOU you) call the line, the line gives you options. If you're so half cocked that you can't sit through the option menu, guess what happens? You get the first available operator. No tag no special request, no warning you get that operator's alter ego.

You're Killing me Smalls!

Your Higher Power better help you if you get me and you don't like me. Here is a big pink FAIL sticker for your head (you get to pick which head). My alter ego is African American just like me, don't waste three minutes of my life and your time getting upset because you ask what I look like and I tell you I'm 5'8" with long hair to my ass, brown skin and a juicy ghetto booty. You, are not allowed to get mad, and YOU, still have to pay for that time.


I'm here to help you folks, it's my job. I find it truly frustrating though, that customers hold themselves up over the silliest things. Your fantasy can exist, as long as you sit through the menu options, then everyone is happy. You're happy, I'm happy, you saved some money, and I've made a new customer.

So a friend of mine asked if being in this corner of the sex industry helps me write better smut. No it does not. The smut I write and the smut I sell are two different things. That I'm when i'm working I know my audience. My book isn't finished yet I'm pretty sure that my audience will have a wider scope.


Any whoo the whole point of this particular entry was to ponder the question of having a separate blog for a topic like this. Honestly you guys will have to let me know. If you don't want to read about this here let me know. Or if you like the randomness of the topics on this blog, let me know. Frankly I don't cover this topic frequently enough to warrant a whole blog.




I think I made more sense at Three this morning...
Girl 6 signing out.