Here's my Flash Fiction for this week. I'm not sure where I stand on this. I found that I loved it on Wednesday. Today I'm not too sure.
"If you want a house to flip this is definitely it." The Realtor said to the couple behind her.
"What happened to the previous owners?" The young bride asked as she inspected an old wall. The wall paper was dry and cracked. It's print seemed decades out of style, and the exposed wall behind it revealed the home's decaying skeleton.
The Realtor never replied, she'd meandered close to brownish gray spot opposite the couple. She suddenly back pedaled toward the center of the room, as if spooked. The spot grew darker.
With a shaky wave of her hand, she feigned a weak smile. She wiped her suddenly wet palms over her Chanel skirt.
"They were murdered here." She said to the couple.
They say great minds think alike. Now that's a real fixer-upper. Good story in few words.
ReplyDeleteI know, it was funny reading yours, because it was taking the same route. I like how we ended up with something different though. Your story was funny in the end. I had to read it twice just to make sure I got it, but finding the woman was genius. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteGood story! I almost went that way myself, but then switched routes and went a completely different direction.
ReplyDeleteMine is at: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/this-old-house/
I liked your warning very much. I had visions of terrible things, when I read yours. You have a way with horror my friend. Hope to see you next week. Thank you for stopping by.
DeleteFine story; had me hooked. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/fridayfictioneers-lost-without-you/
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. Your poem had me feeling hopeless alone. I wanted to go hug something, that's how good it was. Than you for reading and enjoying it.
DeleteI really like the 'decaying skeleton' - it gives the house a personality. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment on mine!
Thank you so much. I wanted to give the house a memory and that seemed the easiest way. I'm glad you liked it.
DeleteGood story. Liked the growing stain.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/old-wallpaper-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction
Thanks for the comment. When you said Growing stain I had to go back a look at it. I wanted to pick at it and ponder why. Then I saw an error in that sentence, which I know must correct. Thank you
DeleteAh the proverbial fixer upper, metaphysically and structurally.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/03/friday-fictioneers-the-gig/
I'd say the same thing. Thank you for reading. I got floor by yours, btw. Aswesome
DeleteWe'll need an electrician, a plumber, and an exorcist. I liked this. Thank you for sharing...
ReplyDelete~Susan (http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
That would be good if the newlyweds actually purchased the house. Thanks for dropping by.
DeleteNot my idea of the perfect fixer upper. Very nice job!
ReplyDeleteNot mine either. Thank you for the compliment.
DeleteDear Atiya,
ReplyDeleteA fine story about a fixer-upper of a house and in that vein please add the following to your tool box; back 'pedaled' and 'Chanel'.
A grim take on the prompt and an lesson to all realtors to do their homework.
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/the-nerve/
Nice catch Doug. Thank you. I bet the realtor is giving herself a mental kick on speed right about now. Perhaps she didn't take her information seriously? Thanks for reading.
DeleteYou did a nice job creeping me out. That growing stain probably means the place is haunted. By revealing the truth, this realtor will never sell that house...to normal people that is. Nice spooky take on the prompt. Here's mine:
ReplyDeletewww.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
Thank you Lora. I hope it wasn't too creepy. Yeah and I agree she will never sell this house. But in any story like this some nut job would and then you'd have a whale of a time watching what happens. Than you for reading.
DeleteHello Atiya,
ReplyDeleteThis story has a very spooky tone, rich description and a nice even voice.
I did have to read a few times before I formed a clear image of what the realtor was doing when she spooked.
Overall, a very good job
Wakefield
http://www.wakefieldmahon.com/1/post/2012/05/bump-in-the-night-fridayfictioneers.html
Thank you for the compliment. I did have a time with the spooked realtor, sucks that you saw that. Once I cut the story down I didn't know what to do with her. I'm glad that you enjoyed it though. Thank you for stopping by. And blimey intelligent rodents, you really want to freak out the little girl in me. Loved your story.
DeleteLooks like the darkening spot may be the couple coming for a visit?
ReplyDeleteGreat build up. Suspenseful. Here's mine http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/friday-flash-fiction/
That is a great possibility, or maybe it could be something more sinister, like the being that killed the last owners... Thank you for visiting.
DeleteI like the home's frame being referred to as its skeleton - gives a little foregleam of the horror to come!
ReplyDeletehttp://kbnelson.wordpress.com/2012/05/05/friday-flash-fiction-demolition/
I like "foregleam of the horror" that is an awesome statement. Than you for visiting.
DeleteI love the 'decaying skeleton' in your description and the ending was a surprise too, was it a murderer, the house or something else that did the deed? BTW, Chanel has just one 'n' :-)
ReplyDeleteShows how much I don't wear that brand. I thought I caught that already. Maybe it did not save. Thanks for the catch. I like your question, did the house do it? Did the previous owners suffer a senseless death? What did happened in the house? Thank you for reading
DeleteI would definitely not want that house! Loved your decaying skeleton of the house. My impression was that the narrator is one of the deceased?
ReplyDeleteMadison, until you mentioned the narrator I didn't even jump on the idea that he/she might be one of the deceased. Now that the idea is there, I'm thinking it could be a spirit, or an outside who knows more than they should. Possibly the narrator could be a relative of the deceased? Opening this shorty to questions of the narrator makes it even more intriguing. Thank you for stopping by.
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