The Best Hubby Ever
"Hurry I'm starving." Was the last thing Tracey said right before she passed out. Tracey always said that right before the booze in her system shut her down. Most nights Dave could gauge it and decide whether she'd actually eat. Judging by her snores he, climbed in bed beside her.
An hour into his bed time she woke up looking for her McFlurry. After years of being married to Tracey he was never wrong. He put on his clothes and drove to the nearest drive through.
It's closed. Moths had settled on the window. No grease was cooking, no ice cream, no french fries, no sleep. He guessed he'd go home and cook.
When he returned home he found his wife curled up on the couch, asleep, again.
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That must be some kind of relationship hey? Nice one.
ReplyDeletehttp://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/checkin-out-the-joint-friday-fictioneers-may-2012/
If I ever made this into a full story I'm sure he would eventually snap and kill that woman. I kind of don't like her.
DeleteMan has the patience of Job. There's so much underlying this story... Nice job. Sorry about the craziness in your life. I found blogging to be an excellent outlet for those stresses.
ReplyDeleteMy attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/chasing-the-divine/
I think patience is this guys middle name. thanks for stopping by.
DeleteI believe he loves Tracey, that's why he does all he can to take good care of her.
ReplyDeleteI think it's nice for a man to do that. It's usually the other way round.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Here's my Friday Fiction: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/05/25/mothballs/
You'd think that it usually is that way. I'm finding more and more that it's about half and half. If people want their relationship to work the will look past little things and just take care of each other. It is very nice. Thanks for returning the favor.
DeleteWow, harsh commentary on his life, and yet his enduring compassion shines through. Well done, Atiya.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting on mine. :)
Siobhan
Hey I'm glad you stopped in to look at mine in return. It is a kind of stark existence for him. I'm glad you can see past Tracey. It is always good to have someone else look at things. I personally felt really really bad for him and did not see the compassion. Thank you for that.
DeleteThe only thing I hate about her is the fact that she appears to be an alcoholic. I would gladly make a McDonalds run for my wife in the middle of the night if she really wanted me to so I can't say I hate her for that.
ReplyDeleteI think it is the careless demands she makes that puts her on my bad list. I agree she does appear to be an alcoholic. My draft was going to have Tracey pregnant, but I didn't want to go there with a half of my friend ins various states of gestation. I didn't want them to be mad at me. So this worked.
DeleteBrandon you are one of the good ones by the way if you'd make a midnight run. Thanks for stopping by.
I was let down by the last line...I was waiting for a surprise ending...something like...her lover caught in bed with her or... jumping out the window when the devoted, unaware hubby returned sooner than expected. But that's just me. Well done. Here's mine:
ReplyDeletewww.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
It is pretty anti-climactic, but what can you expect from a drunk woman. That she woke up at all later in the night is pretty surprising. Thank you for dropping by.
DeleteOh poor guy, she sounds like she needs some help! An addiction seen from the other side.
ReplyDeleteYou know the more I look at this piece the more I see me in it. I see me in both characters. Thank you for dropping by.
DeleteSad, but also endearing, due to her hubby's devotion and care. Good job.
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed ours (which, for other clickers, is here: http://www.lazuli-portals.com/flash-fiction/a-moment-s-pause)
I did enjoy your story, and I'm glad that you came to mine, thank you.
DeleteSounds like he's a bit of an enabler. Maybe he should pack her up and take her to rehab. Good story, Atiya. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHe definitely needs to pack her up and send her to rehab. How ever him being an enabler, is also part of the problem. People like him need as much treatment as the person with the addiction. Thank you for commenting.
DeletePoor guy. A very strange relationship going on there. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteFor your readers here's mine if they wish to drop by:
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/moths-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction
Well I've been in that situation. In his mind he probably thinks it best to humor her so she won't become more of a problem. Obviously he loves her so he doesn't want her to harm herself. It does take a lot though to handle a person in her state of mind. And this is probably all he knows. Thank you for reading and leaving your link.
DeleteI think it's interesting that you portrayed her in her alcoholism without judgement or the need to save her. Many people live like this, not just with alcoholism, but a great assortment of physical, spiritual and mental problems that their partners accept without judgement. Not sure if that's right or wrong, good or bad, but there is a kind of maturity to it. Everything cannot be fixed and love trumps judgementalism.
ReplyDeleteYou know I was reacting very much like a lot of people who read the story and of course focused on how one sided the relationship was. I can honestly say I was beginning to resent making these two characters up. But thank you reminding me that this is a writing exercise. And that I was able to tell this story with out putting too much of my personal feelings into it. Thank you so much.
DeleteOh my! such a familiar story, a lot like my childhood with a few differences. I think it is great that you put this into words that so many, I know, will relate too. However it made me return to my childhood memories and now I feel very sad. Great job!
ReplyDelete`Sussan De Allura
mine can be found at the fictionvictomblogspot
OH gosh, I know exactly how you feel. I read a story like that a few weeks ago and pretty much had my day killed for it. I am terribly sorry that happened. Truly I am. Thank you for visiting though...
DeleteOh gosh I can imagine this happening, reminds me of my ex!Well written and very,very real.
ReplyDeleteI'm seeing a lot of people relate to this story. I wonder if I went too realistic on this story. Thanks for reading.
DeleteExcellent use of the photo prompt, Atiya. And I agree--he's the best hubby ever!
ReplyDelete--Jan
http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/flashfriday-fictioneers-last-supper/
More and more I come to pages where I cannot leave a reply other than to reply to something that someone else has said ... hence this apparent reply to Jan Morrill is actually my comment on your story, Atiya. I agree with Carlos ... you did a masterful job of describing this couple without comment or judgment. Obviously, it worked to generate a lot of judgments from your readers, which is what a good piece of writing does. Being something of an enabler myself (and not just in romantic relationships), I can understand Dave's motivation. Unfortunately, this is the type of thinking that perpetuates destructive behaviors.
DeleteScott,
DeleteThank you for that. I hope to be able to invoke some kind of reaction in my larger work. I'm not there yet, but one day... I'm glad that I came off as nonjudgemental. Honestly I didn't come by my own feelings until after I posted it. Funny. Tha tyou for dropping in and reading.
Jan,
DeleteHe is a great hubby. Though to an extent I think he's too good. He cleans up after her and she'll probably continue to act like that as long as he keep this up. Thank you for reading and leaving your link. Great share on yours by the way.
It really amazes me how some relationships work - he must be getting something out of it and I agree with Scott that to do this without a hint of judgement was masterful. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThank you , thank you so much. I can't claim to be a relationship guru myself but something must be there. I am truly humbled by the responses to this story though. I'm glad you blog hopped over here. Thank you.
DeleteWhew. This reminds me of a life I once knew a long time ago. Great use of the prompt, Atiya. You have touched a lot of people's emotions with this one, mine included!
ReplyDeleteThank you Madison, that means a lot. I know that I have a lot to learn when it comes to writing, so this counts as progress.
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