Still a taboo: Interracial Dating?

Eye roll please...


I date whatever comes across my plate. Not because I'm desperate, but because I've spent most of my life exposed to different people and never discriminated romantically by color.


In second grade I had the hugest crush on this beautiful boy named Eric he was black. In fourth grade it was Tommy, from Cambodia. By seventh grade it was the dreamy oh Mc. Steamy Mike B. who was this Italian heart throb that all the girls absolutely adored. My "First"was a guy with a name to this day I still can't pronounce properly from Cape Verde. Luckily he had a nick name and I didn't have to feel bad about not being able to say it. So I can honestly say I've liked, loved and lost the rainbow.

I never worried, despite the movies, about dating outside my race. There was no major drama for me, like in Mississippi Masala or Jungle Fever or even Something New.


I mean I knew I was going to catch a little flack from one or two people in the family when I was dating the accountant, a big tall white guy. It was minimal and honestly he treated me like a queen. I also think my dad didn't like him because he was a nerd and her wore black socks with shorts and sneakers. Hey, he comfortable with himself.


When I joined the Military I had a relationship with a couple of guys that weren't Black. I'd like to think they liked me for me and not my color. I will admit there was one guy that dated me because he was deeply religious and he wanted to convert me. Imagine me trying not to swear in front of another Sailor, an Engineer to boot. They got the worst mouths in the Navy how odd was that?


But I'm not breaking out my book of shame for no reason and frankly I don't really think of it as a book of shame. What I'm showing is the fact that I don't think interracial dating is that big of a deal. I've come up pretty much skirting that negative stigma. What shocks me is how much of a issue it is to others. Maybe I need to take off my beer goggles or rose tinted glasses but I thought we were through with that.

I've had four documented moments of "what the fuck" since the beginning of June. I'm a little verklepmt. I can understand a certain fascination with other peoples, the allure, the mystique, but what I can't see is the oh so sublte ways in which people say this to each other.


Why is shit like this a taboo? And why is it okay to say shite like this:

Or even better:


Did we lose manners when we gained the ability to text message? What parent teaches their children to say things like this?


I'm getting off topic though. My question is and I'll keep saying this: Why is dating a black woman still important?


I don't wake up each day and say today I'm going to find me a white man and rock his world. Lately I've been busy trying to rock my own damn world, you can take that anyway you want, by the way. My hopes and aspirations for companionship don't have a color requirement. I'll admit I'll steer clear of some cultures because I've witness, first hand the accepted treatment of women. I, however will give each guy a chance to prove he's not his culture. This jaded dater, however has not been proved wrong.


But this is what I've been getting lately and I'm finding it harder and harder to want to date period.  Ladies if you would, look at this from my point of view. I'm being approached by men, intelligent men, only because of my skin tone. My attractiveness as a female does not fit into this equation, nor does my sharp wit or my goals to become an epic story teller. I'm now being chosen for the ethnicity of my name and the color of my skin.


I've lost awesome career opportunities sadly because of my color. Now I'm being almost harassed for a "good time" because of it. Talk about a being unworthy. My other qualities I've worked really hard to fine tune mean absolutely nothing. It's a blow to my ego, it really is.


I don't want to be dated because I'm black. I want to be dated because the man I like, likes me back. I want to date him because he doesn't think I'm an item on a bucket list, like, zip lining or snake charming.


Maybe I should be happy I've gotten past that particular issue in myself. I must say I don't really feel smug about it since those who've manage to catch up are already taken.

Versus: Team Single matches up against The UNFLUSHABLE

PNNU (Person Nick Name Unknown) is a great guy. I like him, RFKAO likes him, Chewy likes him, even a few other guys that happen to have met him like him. Everyone freaking likes him.


So what is the problem? Well I met him on a dating website Plenty of Fish. In his profile it says looking to date but nothing serious. My profile says no relationship or commitment of any kind. The problem is that everyone can see him trying to make this friendship into something deeper.


I felt myself being backed into a corner and panicked. RFKAO can see it and despite how great the guy is, he knows that this is not what I want. I love having a side kick. Purely for selfish reasons though I'm thinking RFKAO would rather me not date this guy. But he's got a good reason for it. Let me explain it so you can all agree that this person, though super duper shiny is not gold.


PNNU is still out of town. Week one goes by with out much hooplah from my end. Then the weekend arrives and I give him a courtesy call. First thing out this guy's mouth is, "Why haven't I heard from you?" Seeing as me and the roomy were both eating and playing with our phones, he got to witness my face when that question came up. I answered honestly and then got a five minute speech about how much it bothered him that I didn't call.

WWWHHHOOOOAAAAAAOOOOWWWWWWW Golly. Am I dealing with one of those people? Thanks to Woody's Single Life, people like that have a name. Introducing the Stage Five Clinger. Granted Ms. Woody was referring to women when she did her series, a good 90% of the characteristics of a Stage Five Clingers are not gender specific.


RFKAO and the rest of the crew of gay men I seems to be amassing on my speed dial, have already pictured me miserable with kids or worse, married to this looser. There's jokes and they are not funny. The little stories I make in my head, that never get on paper, all feature a woman in a cage trying desperately to break out. Yeah, I don't feel trapped at all. Nawwppp Not at All

At this point though I wasn't feeling that freaked out, until the two week mark. I get the most vile text ever. "I MISS YOU" Spent one week chilling and getting to know each other then one week away. How does someone miss a person you just met? When I asked how that was possible I got the creeper warning that, I should just accept that that is how he feels. Oh and to never mention that again. Not only did I kill the moment, but I upset him for saying such blasphemy. I'll admit that Ms. Townes was at the bar with all her guys present and she was drinking. They all read the thread. We agreed that if he ever said that in person I had every right to defend myself. I'm thinking Judo Chop, like go Bruce LeRoy Green on his azz. I AM the Last Dragon, watch me Glow.

This weekend was supposed to bring the arrival of PNNU back to San Diego. With a lot of needling on his part he actually managed to commandeer my Karaoke night so that we could spend some time together. He ended up staying out of town. All the guys were like come to Karaoke anyway. Lucky me I felt horrible, I only called PNNU to tell him I was crying off. He got mad.


???

Why is he mad, he's still out of town? And to make matters worse he later demanded to know why I don't return his text messages in a timely manner. I can and did explain how I'm not glued to my phone, but it wasn't enough because the next time he texted me, he fucking timed me. Seriously guy? You timed me. You fucking timed me. What kind of silly insecure bull shit is this? 


You know little things like this make me angry. In my mind if little things about me are going to irk them, then it's the end of the freaking world when something big happens. My buddy who does drag every now and then, upgraded him from five to twelve when he heard about the timing thing. Instant upgrade. I love it.


I'm past uncomfortable with this. Time to make him go away. So I tried to call him. No answer. Tried to leave a voice mail, mailbox full. The only thing left to do is send a text. I'm not a big fan of giving someone the boot via text. Smacks of my late twenty's. Once you hit thirty, in my opinion, you have to do things face to face, or if you have an unflushable like on Coupling, it's probably better to do it where you are relatively safe. You all should watch that show Coupling, it's on the BBC, despite the fashion being ten years out of date, all the relationship woes are still pretty much current.


So I devolved a little bit and had to bang out a text which I feel terribly bad about, but as PNNU's preferred form of communication seems to be texting I guess I should conform just this once and hope he doesn't put himself back on a plane right now and truly becomes unflushable. 


I could have waited until he came back to town and done this properly. I really could have. I don't see the point of that since then I'd have to deal with more of the above. I can't do it. 


For every nice thing he said there was always some caveat indicating something he'd like to change about me. If I'm so durn lovable why am I getting these little digs about my food being too spicy, my dog sleeping on my bed, the movies I watch to sleep, my time spent at volley ball, and/or everything else that I do? I'm happy with how Nurse Mom raise me. I'm going to raise the BS Flag on that PNNU and just call it like I see it. 


I think he'd rather Velcro himself to anyone (including me) than be alone. I'd rather be SINGLE then forced into a box. I guess I'll be standing by to stand by with a plunger. He's going down.