Return of The Bean Counter: The Departure of RFKAO

Welcome back to a scathing edition of the Bean Counter.


Well Crikey!!! Can I even find the last edition's tally??? Why yes yes I can :  69


Boss doesn't seem so angry at me anymore: +10


One of my clients tells me that my home town had massive gang violence over the weekend: -20


Nurse Mom is one year from paying off the house AND the car: +15 even though it means absolutely nothing for me. I'm just happy.


RFKAO has done a complete one eighty and turned into this completely unreliable angry person: -45


RFKAO stop caring about the home we are sharing together: -35 because I still care, anything of value in this place is mine.


RFKAO morphs into a nasty five year old, quits his job and parks himself on my couch when he's got a perfectly good room to veg out in: -30


RFKAO has to leave: +50


Started writing again: +10


Thanks to me pulling from my retirement fund, the rent will be paid up to August: +50 Hey I am tired of running that risk every freaking month with no help.

The internet brings a butt load of awesome Memes to the table. But NONE of them beat POF's version of the Fail Whale. I want to wear that on a T-shirt. Gosh darnnit that's just the cutest little robot ever: +12


Chewy was almost raped on Sunday night by a randy Maltipoo. I wish my dog had some balls...: -19 Darn you Humane Society for fixing him.


Then the little creeper actually followed us home while I had to carry Chewy: -15 We were then serenaded with sad whining because I wouldn't let the mangy thing in my house.

Came to the conclusion that I might have to start going beck to AA because life is not fun anymore: +10


Submitted my resume to a place I actually WANT to work at instead of waiting for pervs to call: +11


The next dating blog I do might actually have some insight in it. I'm thinking that I'll save it for Saturday since historically I don't post much on the weekends. The topic is why women keep attracting the wrong men:  +/- 0


Power goes out in the kitchen. I fixed it with out even putting on my tool belt: +13


Of course no Bean Counter is complete with out offending some one/group. I thank Google+ for this awesome meme:

 Epic +38


Walmart once again wins the war with my wallet. Went in for trash bags, left with $139 worth of crap. Utter simple crap: -12

Under a Vampire Moon By Lynsay Sands

How ever while at Walmart (Walmart is the Devil) I found the next two books I plan to review: +14

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter By Seth Grahame-Smith

The Plumber returned and removed of all things, a child's tooth brush from the drain in the bathroom sink. At least he knows I don't have kids: +5


The Plumber decided that the toilet pretty much needed to be rebuilt: +5 doesn't cost me anything.


That he's doing it while I sit there wiht a full bladder: -36


What's this week's tally: 115     A whopping 115, some where this is a win.


Donut forget the Friday Fictioneers coming up tomorrow.

Friday Fiction Photo Prompt/ The Bean Counter

Here's the Prompt this week for Friday Fictioneers. Yes, yes it's Thursday and I'm sure I'm slacking this week. Work has been a beast this and RFKAO has a new job that's disturbing my routine. I've gotten so used to him being around that I'm pretty much bummed out when he's gone.


If I wasn't such a commitment phobe I think I'd go out and find a man to take up my time. Instead I'll just get used to this new thing and do what I do best. As soon as I figure out what that is...

Tha'ss puurddy...




And now on to the Bean Counter:


Last Bean Counter tally: 62 Not very promising.


That I missed a week of the Bean Counter: -20


Donna Summer dies at 63 of cancer: - 50


RFKAO has no idea who that is: -40


Adam from the Beastie Boys also passed away: -35


RFKAO once again didn't know who that was: -25


The rent got paid: +100


Chewy hates his new food so much that he's not eating it: -25


We have food we can substitute so he's not starving: +15


Unpacked the last box from two moves, Japan to states, then from tiny place to this one: +45


Met a guy named Richard on my walk the other day who has three dogs and wants to plan play dates with Chewy. Richard's Pit Bull is theee sweetest thing on four legs, as long as you let him chew on his ball: +12


RFKAO listened to me have a conversation with my brother where my Boston accent  came out so thick he almost couldn't understand it: -10


RFKAO started a game of Punch Buggy and I won by two: +21


My GI Bill paperwork was approved so I'm going to school in the fall: +41


Since the paper work is approved I have to make a trip over to the college to start my registration: -19 no no like waiting in line.


Ran out of meds again, and now I see things that aren't there: -67


I'm not freaking out over the things that aren't there, I just know that there not there: +11 hey what ever works.


We almost died on the 805 over the weekend because noon time drivers are insane: - 41 messes with my anxiety.

Sang I Will Survive at Karaoke on Sunday with a soar throat and still did a fabulous job: +50


Thanks to over paying the gas and electric bill last month the bill this month is $-1.00: +10


RFKAO randomly tells straight guys I'm single I'm not sure if that is a bad or a good thing: +/-0


Home girl in Japan not only gave birth to an unbelievably beautiful little girl, but she actually found time to buy me some Dydo Juice while she was at it. What a super mom she'll be: +35




This Bean Counter tally: 69. 69! Meh, it could be worse.




Stay tuned for the Flash Fiction shortie coming first thing in the morning. JOin in the blog hop over on the new Facebook page. Follow us on Twitter #FridayFictioneers and to get the rules check out the blog over at Madison Woods' page.

More Flash Fiction: Unofficial stuff from last week

Like I said I had three stories this weekend for Flash Fiction. We've got some returning characters. This one My roomy RFKAO says he wants to read so with out further ado, I give you, Grand Pa and "Boy."

"Boy." Grand Pa had somehow invaded my dreams.

"BOY" No, Grand Pa was in my room. He just growled.

"Took you long enough. Take off that silly pink thing. We're going." 

I took off my favorite night gown and socks reluctantly.  I then joined my very naked Grand Father out front. "It's a good night to run, boy, you won't have too many left before you have to choose a mate."

"Grand Pa if you know I'm a girl why do you call me Boy all the time?"  I popped my neck and sighed as my spine cracked.

"Because I didn't raise no sissy, and your mate will know that." He said from his crouch. 

I looked at the sky, the clouds cleared just enough to show the moon. I felt its pull, then dropped into my cougar as Grand Pa bounded into the woods.

I roared at the feeling of her shining on me. It was a good night to run.

Versus: Team Single matches up against The UNFLUSHABLE

PNNU (Person Nick Name Unknown) is a great guy. I like him, RFKAO likes him, Chewy likes him, even a few other guys that happen to have met him like him. Everyone freaking likes him.


So what is the problem? Well I met him on a dating website Plenty of Fish. In his profile it says looking to date but nothing serious. My profile says no relationship or commitment of any kind. The problem is that everyone can see him trying to make this friendship into something deeper.


I felt myself being backed into a corner and panicked. RFKAO can see it and despite how great the guy is, he knows that this is not what I want. I love having a side kick. Purely for selfish reasons though I'm thinking RFKAO would rather me not date this guy. But he's got a good reason for it. Let me explain it so you can all agree that this person, though super duper shiny is not gold.


PNNU is still out of town. Week one goes by with out much hooplah from my end. Then the weekend arrives and I give him a courtesy call. First thing out this guy's mouth is, "Why haven't I heard from you?" Seeing as me and the roomy were both eating and playing with our phones, he got to witness my face when that question came up. I answered honestly and then got a five minute speech about how much it bothered him that I didn't call.

WWWHHHOOOOAAAAAAOOOOWWWWWWW Golly. Am I dealing with one of those people? Thanks to Woody's Single Life, people like that have a name. Introducing the Stage Five Clinger. Granted Ms. Woody was referring to women when she did her series, a good 90% of the characteristics of a Stage Five Clingers are not gender specific.


RFKAO and the rest of the crew of gay men I seems to be amassing on my speed dial, have already pictured me miserable with kids or worse, married to this looser. There's jokes and they are not funny. The little stories I make in my head, that never get on paper, all feature a woman in a cage trying desperately to break out. Yeah, I don't feel trapped at all. Nawwppp Not at All

At this point though I wasn't feeling that freaked out, until the two week mark. I get the most vile text ever. "I MISS YOU" Spent one week chilling and getting to know each other then one week away. How does someone miss a person you just met? When I asked how that was possible I got the creeper warning that, I should just accept that that is how he feels. Oh and to never mention that again. Not only did I kill the moment, but I upset him for saying such blasphemy. I'll admit that Ms. Townes was at the bar with all her guys present and she was drinking. They all read the thread. We agreed that if he ever said that in person I had every right to defend myself. I'm thinking Judo Chop, like go Bruce LeRoy Green on his azz. I AM the Last Dragon, watch me Glow.

This weekend was supposed to bring the arrival of PNNU back to San Diego. With a lot of needling on his part he actually managed to commandeer my Karaoke night so that we could spend some time together. He ended up staying out of town. All the guys were like come to Karaoke anyway. Lucky me I felt horrible, I only called PNNU to tell him I was crying off. He got mad.


???

Why is he mad, he's still out of town? And to make matters worse he later demanded to know why I don't return his text messages in a timely manner. I can and did explain how I'm not glued to my phone, but it wasn't enough because the next time he texted me, he fucking timed me. Seriously guy? You timed me. You fucking timed me. What kind of silly insecure bull shit is this? 


You know little things like this make me angry. In my mind if little things about me are going to irk them, then it's the end of the freaking world when something big happens. My buddy who does drag every now and then, upgraded him from five to twelve when he heard about the timing thing. Instant upgrade. I love it.


I'm past uncomfortable with this. Time to make him go away. So I tried to call him. No answer. Tried to leave a voice mail, mailbox full. The only thing left to do is send a text. I'm not a big fan of giving someone the boot via text. Smacks of my late twenty's. Once you hit thirty, in my opinion, you have to do things face to face, or if you have an unflushable like on Coupling, it's probably better to do it where you are relatively safe. You all should watch that show Coupling, it's on the BBC, despite the fashion being ten years out of date, all the relationship woes are still pretty much current.


So I devolved a little bit and had to bang out a text which I feel terribly bad about, but as PNNU's preferred form of communication seems to be texting I guess I should conform just this once and hope he doesn't put himself back on a plane right now and truly becomes unflushable. 


I could have waited until he came back to town and done this properly. I really could have. I don't see the point of that since then I'd have to deal with more of the above. I can't do it. 


For every nice thing he said there was always some caveat indicating something he'd like to change about me. If I'm so durn lovable why am I getting these little digs about my food being too spicy, my dog sleeping on my bed, the movies I watch to sleep, my time spent at volley ball, and/or everything else that I do? I'm happy with how Nurse Mom raise me. I'm going to raise the BS Flag on that PNNU and just call it like I see it. 


I think he'd rather Velcro himself to anyone (including me) than be alone. I'd rather be SINGLE then forced into a box. I guess I'll be standing by to stand by with a plunger. He's going down.

Polish Dentist, Ashton Kutcher and Shia LaBeouf: The Bean Counter

Last Week's Tally 105






Polish Dentist extracts ALL her cheating ex-boyfriend's teeth. Once again proving that hell hath no fury like a dentist scorned.  -50


Getting called a class act for laughing at the victim's misfortune. +50


Seen the best celebrity parody of Shia LaBeouf ever click here +100


RFKAO now sells vacuums, personally I think the job already sucks. -10






Ashton Kutcher is looking to date again. Ask me how I know this? I saw the video of it on Girl's Got Shine (awesome Blog btw) see that on youtube, here  +13


 My home girl from High School, Michelle posted this wonderful (it's funny because it's true) statement on Facebook. +13

The bathroom in this awesomely awesome apartment is appearently haunted. Only because the toliet overflowed on Tuesday, then the sink started leaking. -75


That I can fix it with some teflon tape and a video from this old house. + 20


That I don't have permission to fix it. -35


Greatest example of not proof reading your work: The, The Impotence of proofreading your work. Thanks to @Ren_Thompson on Twitter +30


The Flash Fiction came out earlier and my story is all ready done for it. 126 words that's about my average. +12


RFKAO has decided to join the Flash Fiction fray this week. I fore see a challenge in the house over the weekend. +24


I submitted a pay stub late and now the rent will be late this month. That really sucks because this is the first month. Gotta pay a late fee. -75 (The Late Fee is that much)


PNNU seems to be moving on a bus that goes much faster than mine. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Kinda tempted to call my mother about it. Oprah and Reader's Digest is still fresh in my mind so I have to figure this one out myself. -21


Took Chewy on a 90 minute death march up and down all the hills of South Crest, he repaid me by pooping on the carpet an hour later. -20


Heard about a new series that I'd love to get into Magic City. Seems like a great show already. Can't wait until I get it on Itunes. Oh right it's not on Itunes yet. -19




This weeks tally: 62


62? what the heck???

And now for your reading pleasure

RFKAO: The Roomy Formerly Know As Occupy has notified me that our local Karaoke bar has added all the songs from the Wiz tho the play list. So with trembling heart and shaky voice I immediately  googled the lyrics to You Can't Win. Play along and down load the lyric so you can belt it with the best and worse of them.

You can't winYou can't break even
And you can't get out of the game
People keep sayin'
Things are gonna change
But they look just like
You're stayin' the same

You get in
way over your head
And you only got yourself to blame
You can't win Child
(You can't win Child)
You can't break even
And you can't get out of the game    

You can't win
The world keeps movin'
And you're standin' far behind
People keep sayin'
Things'll get better
(Just to ease your state of mind)
(So you lean back, and you smoke that smoke)
(And you drink your glass of wine)
Say you can't win, Child
You can't break even
And you can't get out of the game

You can't win, you can't win no way
If your story stays the same
(You ain't winnin'),
No, no,
(But it's nice to see you)
(I'm awfully glad you came)
(Better cool it 'cause
It ain't about losin')
And the world has got no shame
You can't win, Child
You can't break even
You can't get out of the game

You can't win
You can't break even
Ain't the way it's supposed to be
(You'll be spendin'),
No, no
(Your little bit of money)
While someone else rides for free
(Learn your lesson), ooh,
(Refuel your mind)
(Before some turkey blows out your flame)

You can't win, Child. No!
You can't win
You can't win, Child. No!
You can't win
You can't win, Child. No!
You can't win
You can't win, Child. No!
You can't win

You can't win, Child
You can't break even
And you can't get out of the game
You can't get out of the game
You can't get out (wooh!) of the game
No, no... 




I wonder if I didn't spend so much time trying to memorize lyrics to old show tunes would I be  able to write more? Don't judge me.


Speaking of Writing: Here's this week's Prompt for the Flash Fiction. RFKAO has decided to play this week. I can't wait to read it.

Follow me, @AtiyaWTownes, @Madison_Woods, #FridayFictioneers on Twitter 

for more Flash Fiction

Tomorrow the Bean Counter. OMG it freakin rocks this week.

It's Thursday/Saturday, where's the Bean Counter?

This week's edition is brought to you by Silly Men All Over The World.


Last week tally: I think it was 61 I should go and look that up.


~Let's go back in time to 2008 before I went on Deployment on the San Antonio.~


Issued a no contact order via text message to my ex boyfriend because he cheated on me. +50 just for being an ass about it.


Got a really angry F*ck You from the ex for being an ass about it. +50 WINNING (peep the youtube video)


Told said ex to have new girl lick his salty wounds and got another F*ck You. +100 EXCELLENT


LAST FRIDAY


Met PNNU and really dig the little man. +10


Spent the next two nights getting to know each other in various states of inebriation, AKA Queen Bee gets plastered. -45


The PRESENT in no particular order...
PNNU leaves town for what ever reason and now Ms. Townes is really bored. -31

Chewy yakked on the kitchen Floor. -10


Chewy didn't yak on the carpet. +15 woohoo easy clean-up


Chewy left RFKAO an AM present and it was smelly -10


RFKAO has a photo shoot.+ 25




Tell another guy that I've been talking to, that he's not exactly what I'm looking for in a man. I swear he seems like someone I could trample all over. I was very very nice about it. He replies with bondage and spankings. Gagzooks!!! Gracious!!! Great Googly Moogly!!! Wow. Not winning -150






Finally mailed off some salsa to a friend in Japan +15


Saw some unbelievably attractive male go-go dancers at a dance club. THEY GET A MOUTH WATERING +50

The aforementioned  ex boyfriend decided violate my no contact order just to friend me on Facebook. What a loser, just for darkening my virtual doorstep he gets a -25


I got to use my elephant joke on the paternal parental unit this morning. Officer Dad didn't get it. +/-0


This week's tally:
105 people the week's are looking brighter.

This Week's Bean Counter: Diggin' the Weekly Dig

Last issue of the The Bean Counter's Score:  36




Moved into awesome apartment: +50


No one showed up to the Moving Party: -25 (Sad Face but there was nachos)


There was nacho & dip at the moving party and red juice with fruit: +15


RFKAO's car suffers a case of bad alternator disorder: -20


The car goes all pouty AFTER the move: +10


Chapter Six finally got posted somewhere on the website: +55


Invented a new gun: +10 (not really diggin' the whole "gun" thing)


RFKAO makes potato wedges that wipe out all past potato wedges made by disgruntled cooks on Naval vessels around the world: +30


Chewy snores...loud: -10


Friend Nicole sends me a YouTube video called the Masochism Tango See Here: WINNING +100


Read my renter's Insurance policy, and if Chewy dies in some freakishly odd accident his burial is not covered, but if he bites someone (highly unlikely) then the bitee is covered. Go figure!: -50


Chapter Seven is not at all what I planned in my head. SURPRISE!!!! -5

Looked for the next episode of Being Human to watch on Itunes, it was not there. After a little research me and RFKAO found out that last week's pathetically bad episode was the season finale: -150


This dysfunctional family unit had to get addicted to another show AND quickly. Found Game of Thrones, and LOVED IT: +45




Still haven't met anyone worth while to brag about, so Team Single still wins out again: -30






This week Tally: 61


Hey it's getting better!!!


Tune in late tomorrow for the Flash Fiction for this week. I managed to come up with something different. Not different as in happy or chilling or something I dug up from the recesses of my over-imaginative mind. This is something, for lack of a better word GOOEY.