Things That should Never Happen in the Same 48 Hours

Taken from IMdB

The last two days have been rather interesting for me. They may not be very significant to you or anyone else but I think they should not have occurred while I was aware. We could call them a Series of Unfortunate Events. Or we could just say the last 48 hours and be done with them.

Let's start with 12/12/12 and the over abundance of Facebook messages stating that the end of the world was at hand. Come on people, if the End was at hand do you think I'd have time to troll Facebook? Negative Ghost Rider, I'd be screaming bloody murder and huddling in a corner with my dog. Fact: I really would be huddling with my dog because, what else would I be doing?

Speaking of dogs, right before I headed out with my Best Friend to do some serious grocery shopping, some ass clown hit one outside my house. Anyone who follows me on Google+, Twitter or the infamous Facebook will know that there is more than a slight problem with the stray dogs in my neighborhood. There's also something with everyone owning chickens and roosters but that's another issue all together. 

A dog that looked to be some Malti-Poo or Bichon Frise mix was hit in front of my apartment the other night and Animal Control had to be called. I'm sort of familiar with this little one so I was pretty sad that it was now suffering. My neighbor an Army Medic, assessed it and pretty much listed it's injuries as: a shattered pelvis, one broken leg, a couple cracked ribs, one or two head injuries, possibly some internal bleeding. The driver never even stopped. 

What pissed me off is that the owner of the dog arrived right around the time Animal Control did. They said that the dog "Toby" escapes every time they leave the house. Are we serious? You know this is going to happen and yet you do nothing to prevent it? We were very angry over that statement and did not feel bad when Animal Control offered to euthanized Toby right there on the spot. The four of us (my two neighbors, my BF and myself) felt that Toby's owners were beyond irresponsible.

The next day finds me stuck in the house all day trying out my new medicine. It makes me so sleepy that I miss a super important call regarding a job interview, another super important call regarding the guy who stole my check back in June and my appointment to donate plasma. Anxiety medicine is supposed to calm me down, not put me out. Now, awake at 2:30 in the morning, the earth began to shake.

Which brings me to, this morning Earthquakes, yes I said quakes as in plural, meaning more than one. In fact, there were two somewhere off the coast that were 6.1 and 6.4 in magnitude. Nothing could make me more homesick for Japan than an earthquake. But not this time and of course since no one would be awake at 2:36 am I figured it was safe to get on Facebook and post about it. I was wrong there were a few and from them, I learned that San Onofre was built to only withstand a magnitude of 7.0 Earthquake. Great, what in the world is San Onofre? 

From Wikipedia

San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station. I looked it up. Methinks back to March 2011 when the Plant in Tomadachi, Japan went into melt down. All hell is breaking loose in my brain. Good thing I'm on the worlds greatest anxiety drug, I can sleep right through it. Which is exactly what I do after reading all about how jacked up San Onofre is on Wikipedia. Hey, the meds throw me off...

Which is why at roughly 12:45 this afternoon I wake up again to Facebook all atwitter with people saying how saddened they are by what happened in Connecticut. What happened in CT? My dad lives there and I'm a little concerned.

Well I'm sure you know now that someone open fired at a school killing defenseless people, mostly children under the age of ten. This is very bad, but whats worse is the fact that the media is glamorizing it. I'm not going to talk about the gunman, or the President's reaction or putting our nation's flag at half mast. I'm not going to contribute to the hysteria surrounding this terrible event. I'm going to say it is a sad day, a terribly sad day and keep moving. And here's why:

Right here is where I'm supposed to have a youtube video about why 24 hours of constant coverage about a mass killer only glorifies the gunman into some kind of antihero. The video I wanted to play here is not loading so sorry kiddies no youtube insight here.

My day is not ever and I know that something somewhere will make this day even more perplexing. Ah yes... Okcupid.com is doing a 12 matches of Christmas thing. Whatever happened to just enjoying the Holidays because it's the Holiday's????

The Bean Counter: A Bag of Puppies and Dead Zombies

Seen the most heart wrenching youtube video of all pet mommy and pet daddy time. Purina ProPlan makes every dog a great dog and for 62 seconds I did nothing but tear up then hit replay over and over and over again.

I can't even quantify how awesome that little video is. But I can try. +50

I canceled my OKCupid profile for all of a week in a half. Then I got bored and had to do a completely different one from scratch. -10


Thanks to this week's article, call it Kismet why don't you, I got nothing but hits on the new profile from guys old enough to need a waiver. Disproving the whole women in our 30's are unattractive. -10

Copyright 2012 Nicole Sturgeon

but +15 because I'm a dead sexy thang

Stupid bot...

Went outside to smoke a cigarette the other day with my bestie and was greeted by a man sprawled out on the pavement. I was bummed,  I had been pretty much telling myself that I live in a fairly nice neighborhood. -10

Went to the beach and was kindly asked by a deaf man on a tricycle to flash my boobies. True Story. There were witnesses. +20

So geeky, I had a gasm in my brain:
What are you doing for the Zombie Apocalypse? Do you have a plan? Have you assembled a team? Well I proudly say with all the joy and sarcasm I can muster that I'm officially the token black chick in my friend's (click on her blog) ZRT (Zombie Response Team) She even drew me a caricature. +35

She drew me a girl-ifed badass. There's even a little flower in my hair. +10

LA Times reported that they found a Woolly Mammoth tooth while digging up the area for a new train station. And I'm sure Bill Nye the Science Guy stroked his bow tie when that happened. Heck, I'd stroke his bow tie... Evolution GO!! +15 for Science.
-10 for the epic headache the people attempting to build on the site now have.

Speaking of Evolution...
My new favorite show (Gag Me) Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Chile! came under a little more scrutiny yesterday when one of the ladies from The View blasted the little chubby starlet for being overweight. I'm okay with this and I agree with Joy Behar. She is overweight and if her parents continue to feed her the way they have been she'll only get more obese and she'll have a plethora of health problems. +10 for having some balls Joy.

Why is that show even on television? -25 for the de-evolution of the modern society.

And what's The Mars Rover doing? Something cool I hope...

I'll admit I cried during this movie.

No not really, they are just playing with the seven foot long robotic arm. It's kind of cool... +7

However an astroid the sized of three football fields passed really close to Earth today (Thursday) around 3 PM PST the geeks who were tracking it said it wasn't dangerous. +5
Was anyone else thinking what I was thinking?
<========== Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep... -45 because I can't remember the rest of the song.

No, well how about a Bag of Puppies to make up for that?

What is the tally this week? Another bag of puppies.

More like: 57


Stay tuned for this week's Friday Fictioneers

What Am I Reading Wednesday: False Positives by Kim Aleksander

Well! I have to say that even though the cover says A Techno-Thriller on it, this lovely piece of intrigue falls perfectly into the conspiracy genre. Hold up kiddies there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. I love a good conspiracy, almost as much as I love paranormal romance.

Kim puts together a cast of characters who bring a strong presence to every part that they are in.  I found two weak point the whole book where I wasn’t feeling them but good googly moogly, who cares.

The story is based the idea that computer programming could possibly be the reason for the start of world war three. Sound familiar? It should there are enough movies about this same idea. I think own a few... 

We open with a college student circa the Viet Nam era tripping on something and creating the first computer bug by hand, punch card style. The book flashes forward from there to 2007, but then makes it a point to follow this genius throughout important parts of said tripper’s life. The books leads you, the reader, to the business end of Washington DC, divey areas of Thailand, the fall of Saigon, and even to Tehran. A lot of research went into this book and it’s not lost on you as you traverse the world with the characters.

I can say that this book comes with all the requisite ingredients for a thriller: deranged military and government officials, creepy assassins, and old men considered harmless or crazy, good stuff really. What makes this a stand out for me is the random Thai tranny, the girl on girl action, and the fact that everyone seems to have daddy issues. How they feel about Daddy seems to motivate just about everyone even those who’s father isn’t even relevant. 

Junior the voiceless and some would want to think brainless machine, makes a perfect foil for all America’s fears. The program operates without concern for moral rightness. It is business, the opposite of humanity and ironically created by humans. It’s after results, and humans constant need to have a decision made for them makes the system so easy to abuse. It’s a means to an end but is it the right end?

I think a good portion of time was spent understanding why this machine should not exist, inside each characters mind. The way that they eventually blended together and worked toward the solution for Junior was neatly arranged. If that time was not spent I think the characters would have been flat and the story would have suffered. Some books I’ve read lately have not been able to pull that off.

What did I not like about the book? Not much. Because this book does not really need romantic undertones, it’s just that good, what little romantic interactions there were, could have been omitted. I’m not even really strong on that stance because the story doesn’t really have to reach that far AND it’s done in such a matter of fact ay that you don’t even really question it. I did love how smitten one of the minor characters became with the aforementioned tranny. I especially loved it when he got warned by both his/her father and brother. Freaking classic, as a comic relief moment goes that was superb.

The end was a little too tidy but what do you expect? These are, despite their collective big brains, humble citizens of the world and all they really wanted in the end was to just live in peace. Sorry no sunsets or sailing off into the moon light here.

Was this a good book? Yes. Did this live up to it’s techno-thriller title? Yes. We already said this was a great conspiracy novel. Super Yes. Is this a guy book? MMM maybe, but not so much a guy book as just a really good book.

Thanks Kim Aleksander for putting some seriously good hard work into this story. It was totally worth the wait ordering the print copy.

So does Kim get two thumbs for this? Of course he does. You can find your copy of False Positives at Amazon.com here. Or you can go find it some other way and then you'd be on you're own.

What are you still hungry for a little more? You're in luck I've vlogged this review and if you just click a little further you can watch me wax poetic some more.

What Am I Reading Wednesday: All The Time In The World by Michael Siddall

First off, let me say that I actually have voice enough this week to make a video. What a whopper that will be...


All The Time In The World Begins with Ben, a lawyer some where I'm guessing not London but definitely in that region of the planet. He is pretty much every single man at age 49.  Widowed, questionably grown or not children and very much settled into what is his life.

He gets this mysterious catalog in the mail and instead of tossing it out with the trash, like normal people do, he actually takes the time to look at it. Out of that he thinks he's buying a GPS, a 5000 pound GPS, but a GPS all the same. Hey I thought they used Euros???

Hey I have 5000 any currency laying around  just waiting for me to waste on a GPS I could get for $50 at Target. I'm just saying.

But he spends the money and gets a time machine that at first is really bored with him. It talks and tells him what the machine can do. Yet through out the book we find Ben having to figure stuff out. WHAT??? You have a 5000 BP talking time machine and you still have to work stuff out? Ask the Machine you Dummy.

Ben decided that he likes time traveling and spends the rest of the book alternating between learning about the world and studying the habits of certifiably insane famous people. His goal is to understand the mind of the man who rapes and kills his wife. The man who committed the crime seems more than a bit off

He once he figures out how to change history he visit the Captain of the Titanic, the alley where the first Jack the Ripper Victim was found, the birth, lives and death of Bonnie and Clyde and a slew of other people places and things. 

He even visits himself in the future only to realize that he's been followed by another time traveller who's purpose does not get revealed ever. We know why it exist and what it's purpose WAS but as the story progresses, it's priority changes and that is never expressed.

Here's why this book is getting such a bad reveiw. It does not tie up all it's loose ends. The questions, I as the reader should  have aren't good questions. Ben at one point is in both his vacation cabin and his home close to his work at once in the same time. Early in the book he says he takes two weeks off, but then a year goes by. He doesn't quit work until nearing the closest thing to a climax. I had to guess the climax.

In a section where four people die there's only two people in the room? I spent more time screaming "what the fuck" at my living room than actually letting this story flow. Only because in my humble opinion it did not flow. The word for this story is inconsistent.

I get a little bit more vitriolic on YouTube:

 I can honestly say that if I could revise this story and eliminate all the simpleton errors I'd like this book. Truth be told, this is probably a first draft that got printed by accident, I hope. The concept behind it rocks my world, however the presentation from the front cover to the back and it's description and how it works with the book are just awful. Not to mention how much the writing needs stream lining.  This story seems rushed and unedited.

Sorry Michael Siddall but this novella should have never hit the streets in this condition.
No Thumbs, not even a fist.


Next week: Lothaire by Kresely Cole.

What Am I Reading Wednesday- Once Burned by Jeaniene Frost

I have to admit folks I truly forgot to post until I was on Facebook commenting on someone else's blog.


Sad, children, very sad.


So this week I came back with another romance novel. I love them so. It has vampires so there's that blood fetish that seems to be all the crazy lately. Frankly I'm not complaining. There is always something terribly naughty about drinking someone's blood.


Not that I want to subject myself to the worlds greatest hickey, I just like reading about it.




Okay then:
Once Burned by Jeaniene Frost
So we've got Leila a circus performer who can electrocute people with the touch of her hand. What that really means is a life time of lonely nights on cold sheets and not even a dog to keep her company. Luckily she works with carney folk and strange is normal.


The book gets pretty interesting when she's accosted by three vampires. Normally most girls would pass out of they were kidnapped by vampires but this tough cookie works with one a little one named Frank. I mean he's really a wee little man. The other vampires need her some for dastardly deed and will not take no for an answer.


She complies and telepathically (for lack of a better word) meets Vlad, who is all about protecting her after she gave him the skinny.


For the rest of the book we watch the two of them grow in their attraction for each other. Those lonely nights we picture are gone for good because Vlad Tepesh here likes being shocked all the time. Vlad I knew you were a kinky bastard...


What's really cool about this book is the fact that Ms. Frost went through a lot of trouble creating a place  somewhere in Romania that has to be the most beautiful area in Eastern Europe. She makes it sound like a winter wonderland. I love how she describes the town below Vlad's castle and the touristy spots that surround the Dracula legend. Seriously that was a very special touch.


I also love that Vlad is a cross between old and new school where he has expectations of the people around him and has to adapt his way of thinking for Leila.  She really test him a couple of times in the book, and that they manage to compromise on some serious decisions is freaking priceless. It's very humorous to read how he reacts to Leila's independent spirit. The guy sets things on fire when he's angry. It's not over played here.


Frankly this book should not fall into the Trashy Mass Produced Romance Novel category, but it does and my wallet is not complaining about that. Once Burned gets two thumbs, seriously because it's got romance, danger, gory death and a strange family reunion that make sense. Can we say over the top in a pleasant happy ending sort of way. YES


You can watch the vlog if you like:

 If you'll excuse me and my seriously bad hair day we can wrap this up.




Next week is the second installment of Fifty Shades by EL James with Fifty Shades Darker. Oh La La

What Am I Reading Wednesday: Under A Vampire Moon by Lynsay Sands

 
Welcome back to the Trashy Mass Produced Romance Novel. Yeah I just said that in a book review. Remember kids I love shit like this. It's junk food for your brain. One of my favorite books of last year was The Deed by the same author. It cracked me up, so this one should be good. Right?


Then I found myself confused. The title says Vampire, but some where near the end our hero Christian say's he's an Immortal. Then he likens himself to a creature from Atlantis. Put your breaks on guys. What's going on? Why give it a vampire title if they are not vampires?


Here's a little more information about this book Under A Vampire Moon I have to say Lynsay Sands' web page is pretty nicely done up. Very user friendly, who ever put that together was great about it.


Beside that, we have a wonderfully detailed picture of what kind of woman out main character is. Carolyn is one of those sad women starved for affection that we all try not to be. She, of course, fell for the first man who gave her the time of day and sadly he was the wrong type of man. Finally she decided to leave him and they are going through a lengthy divorce because she's of course filthy stinking rich.


Put that injured heart on a tropical honeymoon paradise, pretty much by herself. Depressing no? Of course it is. Lucky for her she meets some nice people who are determined to hook her up with one of their own. Through good story telling Lynsay brings in Christian.


Christian is a hottie that plays of all things a rock violin? Just roll with it- this works, I think.... Anyway Carolyn spends a good portion of the book fighting the attraction because she believes she's older than him. HA! He's like 500. Funny part is when he tells her how old he really is and she damn near passes out. I giggled- What? It was funny.


There's even a random guy who is like really interested in Carolyn, but he can't hold a candle to Christian. I'll take the other guy, he was like perfect. What a lucky girl. *Sigh I wish my life was like that. Who's jealous? That's me, I'll admit it.


So I give this book One Thumb. Because the title really irks me. It does and I say so in the Vlog. But over all I still recommend this book just because it serves it purpose as a quick read over a beach fun filled weekend. That and Lynsay made a violin sexy.


You wanna see the video?

Goodness my face looks so confused...




A Few Things:


-Happy Independence Day!!!!
-If you have a suggestion for a book you'd like me to read email me at atiya.townes@gmail.com or you can leave a comment here or on YouTube.
-Next week we do Lesbian Steam Punk! Though I'm really not sure if this falls under Steam Punk because there's other kinds of technology in use here, and aliens and a former Victoria's Secret model. What ever. Check out Cassandra Duffy's The Gunslinger & The Gear Head.


Happy Reading

What Am I Reading Wednesday: Amped by Daniel H. Wilson

This week I'm super excited to bring you Amped by Daniel Wilson. Danny is what I'd call a certified Geek. Hell yeah, me and Chewy love certified geeks. The book cover says this guy has a Ph. D. in robotics. So if all else fails (which it won't because the guy is flipping brilliant) he could always work at  Myth Busters. That's not a bad idea.

Amped first off is not something I'd pick off the the shelf I'm not even sure how I found it on Amazon.  No one recommended it to me either. The lucky thing sort of fell into my shopping cart. Weird.


Anywhoo, the book as I mentioned on Facebook, begins with the suicide of a teenage girl. Not the kind you'd think either. She wasn't saddened over the next installment of Twilight. (Though the though of Twilight makes me want to shoot myself or hurl) She saw the future of what as to come and decided to check out early.


What is amazing about this story is that Daniel uses fear and ignorance to motivate both the pro and antagonist in this story. Fear works the best when coupled with ignorance and that fear if cultivated, can make the mob do amazing things. Oh yeah there's a mob and there's politics to at it's filthiest.


In this alternate universe or possible future depending on how you look at it, people with disabilities can be cured with a piece of technology inserted into their brains. That's a great innovation until everyone with this implant becomes such a better human. Of course the pure humans get mad. Their livelihood becomes threatened when these super humans start actually being super.


Enter a place where the hate is commonplace, accepted and even encouraged. The book is history repeating itself when these advanced humans are forced into camps with no laws protecting them against the angry masses that surround them. Enter unlikely savior, Owen.


Owen 's lived most his life with an implant he thought he knew everything about. He'd spent that life trying desperately ignoring the problems being an amp dealt with in hope of just being normal. All that goes way of the dinosaur in the this book and he's forced to embrace his abilities then choose how he's going to use them.


I found myself hoping he won the entire time. I won't ruin the ending on this one. Let's hope I haven't done that so far with any book. On my Vlog I gave it two thumbs up. Unless we come up with a better rating system that's the best I got.


Want to see the video?

 Hey don't forget to check back  tomorrow for the Bean Counter and then Friday for The Flash Fictioneers.


Want to read next week's book with me? Go pick up  Under a Vampire Moon by Lynsay Sands.

Thursday's Bean Counter: Not much to show for it

What can I say for this week? Not much.


Honestly I don't even really have anything for this week's Bean Counter, so I went back to the original Bean Counter for inspiration. They weren't much help. There were some bears though...


With that said I have to apologize. I've been really enjoying the quiet solitude of not having a super dramatic and destructive roommate around the house giving a pallor to everything I hold dear. My only issue now is where to forward his mail.


I'm thinking I want to go see a movie after I fight with the DMV some more. This not having a CA ID is slowly but killing me.


You know what's even more disturbing? Still working on chapter seven. at least I'm not the only one hoping I finish my book. I was contacted by a self publishing company today called IUniverse. I heard of them before but only because they approached me before. I've never sent them any samples of my work. Frankly I have nothing to offer them, yet they are all about helping me publish.


Ms. Townes is well versed in scams and this one smells phishy. What does one with little faith and lots of doubt do? Aside from call themselves Thomas? I Google them. Not just Google them, I Google+'ed them. Of course they are known, and avoided like the plague. A fellow author and pod caster muscled up and gave me the skinny on them. They ask for your hard earned money upfront then nothing.


You know what it sounds like to me? That moment in House Party 2 where Iman's character Sheila, suckers Play out of Kid's scholarship check. It's a ten minute video but hey it's totally worth it, well to me anyway. I'm trying to make a point.

This is how people take advantage of others and IUniverse stinks of that. So what I'm going to end up doing is taking the advice of my pod caster friend and do it the old fashion way. Send off samples when the book is done (sometime in 2013 early) and hope for a miracle. Maybe I'll take the time to work on the plethora of other stories I have going. Or maybe rework the first book I started when I was still attached to the ship in Norfolk. Now that was a good story and the girls in the berthing over there on the San Antonio always had me swimming in inspiration. Of course I have to finish this one first. It is always good though to look to the future.

Funny thing about looking for old movies on YouTube, once you find what you're looking for you find other stuff. 45 minutes after I found this video did I mange to upload it. What was I watching on you tube? Well...

Because yeah that's what I was raised on.

But after I've wasted a good portion of my life and my writing time not writing I guess I'll have to just work on the memory spell tomorrow.

Chewy says bye.

What Am I Reading Wednesday - Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

This week brings an interesting book. I've seen it and heard of it and frankly just did care to read the dam thing. How ever before I cracked open said book I wanted to know who this guy was.

I found out a few things. The guy responsible for Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter Seth Grahame-Smith is also responsible for of all things, "The Hard Times of RJ Berger" on MTV. I've had the unfortunate luck of catching said show once. Never again. In his defense it is on MTV and unless you like that shite on MTV or if you're like a teenage mom, you won't like this. 

I even dragged my ass on cracking the book open, but it was already Wednesday and I was behind. So I sat down that night and read.

And I was truly truly truly impressed.


First off Mr. Grahame-Smith inserted himself into the story using the introduction. Funny I look at introductions and gauge whether or not I actually want to read them. It appeared too long for my small brain. But I figured if I'm going to talk about a book I should do it justice and read the whole thing into and all. Good on me for doing that because Mr. Grahame-Smith set the stage for some very extraordinary things.


The actual book book starts with a few historical facts about Young Abe, his life with his family and it's not very stable. Having never read anything about President Lincoln, I can only assume the constant moving his family did might be factual.


There's plenty of verifiable stuff weaved in with an awesome and imaginative tale. I have to give it to Seth, he did a great job. I was immersed, I got to follow Abraham along two rivers and witness several well written dream sequences.


Guys will love this book because Honest Abe does a pretty good job of axe wielding. Frankly, if I saw a really tall man carrying an axe I'd get the hell out of his way. But these were different times. That show Axemen ain't got shit on this, really Shit. They ain't got it. No one thought of the dangers he could pose. What ev's different times.


All in all I was impressed, in this book you get to be one with nature, channel your inner Huckleberry Fin, get a dose of late night fright, some sappy love, a whole lot of bro-mance, work some historical conspiracy theories, speculate on the future/past, and the best part, Abe Lincoln as an axe wielding vigilante. Rock on- Freaking Rock on...


The Book I got from Walmart has a mention of Tim Burton making this a movie. Tim Burton better not mess this up because I will venture out of my home to watch it. Yeah it's that good.


I also Vlogged this so you can watch it on Youtube.

Tune in Next week for Fifty Shades of Grey

Bad subs and a boo boo buddy

This week does not bring anything new to the table. I finally managed some how to get the rent paid this month. WOOHOO we're not homeless. As for writing you can just call me looser because I haven't written anything since last week. Things like eating and keeping a roof over my head sort of do that.


Honestly I would have continued to write if I knew there was nothing I could have done. But the was and between the two of us, RFKAO and I managed to do them all.


Work though has been interesting.  I was given a client who is supposed to be a submissive. That's cool you body isn't your own, I get it. This ass clown was a disobedient sub. I hate disobedient subs. The little selfish pansies want you to give them 3000 percent while they sit there looking stupid and saying dumb shite like "I don't Know." It's like being back in the service and talking to a junior Sailor. Don't tell me you don't fucking know. Of course you fucking know, your dumb ass is just too ashamed to say it. I hate disobedient subs, just as much as Gorgeous George hates Pikeys.

---

Gorgeous George: It's a camp site, a pikey campsite... 
Tommy: Ten points. 
Gorgeous George: What we doing here? 
Tommy: We're buying a caravan. 
Gorgeous George: Off a pack of fuckin' pikeys? What's wrong with you? This will get messy. 
Tommy: Well not if you're here. 
Gorgeous George: Oh, you bastard! I fuckin' hate pikeys! 

I shouldn't complain right because they are the one coming out of pocket. But I will and I'm not going to waste my time on some caller who doesn't know what they want. I don't care how many times you call back. If you're a bad sub I won't like you. We don't have that kind of relationship, and I will refuse the call. I don't get paid enough to mind read how to punish you. I'm not emotionally involved with your fantasy and personally I really don't care of you even get off. It's a boost for my ego if you do but I still get paid regardless. So no I'm not going to figure out how to punish you for the next call. I just don't care. You as my client can be a good sub or you can find a new master.

I could be considered a cop out, that's fine. I'm not a Dom in real life so asking me to deal with a difficult sub is really beyond my realm. The question is, do I want to invest more time into this JOB (not a career) and not be compensated for it? Heck no.

My other new client whom I can't stand is some crusty old fart who has never been hurt in his entire life. Hence his fetish for wanting to be completely destroyed. I'd be okay with this except he calls off my schedule and can't remember shit. If this guy asks me one more time what my bra size is, is the bra made by Vanity Fair (who the heck wears Vanity Fair?) and what color is my hair one mo'gin... 

This jack tard calls more than once a day. He hogs up all my time and frankly I'd rather talk to my other clients. I've built up a good report with them and personally I think it's selfish of this guy to take up so much time when he's not going to remember any of it an hour from now.

I have a routine and these two are screwing it up. I could be writing here, or in one of the books or walking the dog, which thanks to re-re number two I wasn't able to before sunset. Because if these two I really want to find another agency. They aren't worth getting by blood pressure up for and if it weren't for my other customers I really think I would have quit by now.

I do not enjoy arguing with someone about what's the best way to break a jaw. Because in my nerd geek brain using the heel will not break it sufficiently in one blow. What the heel of a stiletto will do, is miss the hinge completely and puncture a blood vessel. No broken jaw, just a bleed out. Best use the platform portion of the ball on the shoe. But NNNOOOOOOO crazy pants insists on the heel. Crazy pants thinks he'll survive. I'm thinking a well aimed shot on either side will break open his mouth using the ball, I'm telling him what will most likely happen, and yet he still insist he's right. Crazy old fart wants me to break out all his teeth and feed him hair dye. What a freaking weirdo, and he has no memory so ten minutes after he asks me how much i weigh he's going to nag me about my bra again or start in with bleach and pyrex measuring glasses for the fifth time.

I feel like this is time wasted, and since I get paid by the minute I know it's costing them a fortune. I don't feel bad for them I feel bad for me. I really could have done something  a million times more valuable with my time. Even if I did get paid for it.

I just want to smash my soap box right now.

The Friday Fictioneers Photo Prompt will be up shortly. I have one more short from last week that still needs posting and thanks to the week me and the roomy have been having I haven't done that. Bad Tia, Bad... anyway if you made it to the bottom of this entry then you deserve a hearty handshake, maybe a hug, and definitely a cookie. 

Polish Dentist, Ashton Kutcher and Shia LaBeouf: The Bean Counter

Last Week's Tally 105






Polish Dentist extracts ALL her cheating ex-boyfriend's teeth. Once again proving that hell hath no fury like a dentist scorned.  -50


Getting called a class act for laughing at the victim's misfortune. +50


Seen the best celebrity parody of Shia LaBeouf ever click here +100


RFKAO now sells vacuums, personally I think the job already sucks. -10






Ashton Kutcher is looking to date again. Ask me how I know this? I saw the video of it on Girl's Got Shine (awesome Blog btw) see that on youtube, here  +13


 My home girl from High School, Michelle posted this wonderful (it's funny because it's true) statement on Facebook. +13

The bathroom in this awesomely awesome apartment is appearently haunted. Only because the toliet overflowed on Tuesday, then the sink started leaking. -75


That I can fix it with some teflon tape and a video from this old house. + 20


That I don't have permission to fix it. -35


Greatest example of not proof reading your work: The, The Impotence of proofreading your work. Thanks to @Ren_Thompson on Twitter +30


The Flash Fiction came out earlier and my story is all ready done for it. 126 words that's about my average. +12


RFKAO has decided to join the Flash Fiction fray this week. I fore see a challenge in the house over the weekend. +24


I submitted a pay stub late and now the rent will be late this month. That really sucks because this is the first month. Gotta pay a late fee. -75 (The Late Fee is that much)


PNNU seems to be moving on a bus that goes much faster than mine. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Kinda tempted to call my mother about it. Oprah and Reader's Digest is still fresh in my mind so I have to figure this one out myself. -21


Took Chewy on a 90 minute death march up and down all the hills of South Crest, he repaid me by pooping on the carpet an hour later. -20


Heard about a new series that I'd love to get into Magic City. Seems like a great show already. Can't wait until I get it on Itunes. Oh right it's not on Itunes yet. -19




This weeks tally: 62


62? what the heck???