The Bean Counter: A Bag of Puppies and Dead Zombies

Seen the most heart wrenching youtube video of all pet mommy and pet daddy time. Purina ProPlan makes every dog a great dog and for 62 seconds I did nothing but tear up then hit replay over and over and over again.

I can't even quantify how awesome that little video is. But I can try. +50

I canceled my OKCupid profile for all of a week in a half. Then I got bored and had to do a completely different one from scratch. -10


Thanks to this week's article, call it Kismet why don't you, I got nothing but hits on the new profile from guys old enough to need a waiver. Disproving the whole women in our 30's are unattractive. -10

Copyright 2012 Nicole Sturgeon

but +15 because I'm a dead sexy thang

Stupid bot...

Went outside to smoke a cigarette the other day with my bestie and was greeted by a man sprawled out on the pavement. I was bummed,  I had been pretty much telling myself that I live in a fairly nice neighborhood. -10

Went to the beach and was kindly asked by a deaf man on a tricycle to flash my boobies. True Story. There were witnesses. +20

So geeky, I had a gasm in my brain:
What are you doing for the Zombie Apocalypse? Do you have a plan? Have you assembled a team? Well I proudly say with all the joy and sarcasm I can muster that I'm officially the token black chick in my friend's (click on her blog) ZRT (Zombie Response Team) She even drew me a caricature. +35

She drew me a girl-ifed badass. There's even a little flower in my hair. +10

LA Times reported that they found a Woolly Mammoth tooth while digging up the area for a new train station. And I'm sure Bill Nye the Science Guy stroked his bow tie when that happened. Heck, I'd stroke his bow tie... Evolution GO!! +15 for Science.
-10 for the epic headache the people attempting to build on the site now have.

Speaking of Evolution...
My new favorite show (Gag Me) Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Chile! came under a little more scrutiny yesterday when one of the ladies from The View blasted the little chubby starlet for being overweight. I'm okay with this and I agree with Joy Behar. She is overweight and if her parents continue to feed her the way they have been she'll only get more obese and she'll have a plethora of health problems. +10 for having some balls Joy.

Why is that show even on television? -25 for the de-evolution of the modern society.

And what's The Mars Rover doing? Something cool I hope...

I'll admit I cried during this movie.

No not really, they are just playing with the seven foot long robotic arm. It's kind of cool... +7

However an astroid the sized of three football fields passed really close to Earth today (Thursday) around 3 PM PST the geeks who were tracking it said it wasn't dangerous. +5
Was anyone else thinking what I was thinking?
<========== Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep... -45 because I can't remember the rest of the song.

No, well how about a Bag of Puppies to make up for that?

What is the tally this week? Another bag of puppies.

More like: 57


Stay tuned for this week's Friday Fictioneers

The Bean Counter: Strictly the news this time, because the news is funny.

Quite Possibly the Greatest News OF ALL TIME: Jersey Shore is going off the air. +200

Pakistan is gearing up for another round of hate crimes. Starting off with framing a 13 year old retarded girl for Blaspheming. A man of a different religious background was seen putting pages of the Qur'an into her burn bag. Then he ratted the girl out so that she'd be put to death and her people would move away. I'm pretty sure at 13 girls blaspheme all the time in Pakistan (yeah if they have a death wish). Throw in the retard part and she's bound to be burned at the stake. -25

The Class of 1973 in some back water town decided that their 2012 reunion was open to all graduates except at one party where it was whites only. A few people bold enough to broach that taboo subject actually claimed it was justified because and I quote, "Blacks have the NAACP and BET. If they want to be segregated, why can't we have a whites only party?" Yeah well, we DO have all that and more. I'm pretty sure though we never told the rest of the the world they couldn't watch, contribute or participate. Ya'll get out from 'round here now... -40


Clint Eastwood goes all Dirty Harry on us at the RNC when he sticks it to the MAN. Really he just talks to an empty chair and tells himself to do unspeakable things to himself and Mitt Romney???? +10 for the unspeakable acts and -15 millions of responsible adults cheering on an old man talking to an empty chair.

Speaking of Republic National Convention Bill Maher gets a little impassioned about things when he makes this startling observation.

+45 Oh Bill Maher...

And while the fate of the country if not the world hangs in the balance of good and evil, Seal publicly tells soon to be ex wife Heidi Klume to stop sleeping with the help. Puts little blaspheming retarded girls and Dirt Harry's empty chair into perspective doesn't it. Why is this news??? -17

Then a Naked Prince Harry gets spotted in Las Vegas in a private dwelling or private club or some place PRIVATE. Dude it's Vegas it was bound to happen one day. I'm not even going to support a link for it. And you know why. Because I don't care. +5 You stay classy Harry.

But that's all on Earth, my new favorite nerd-gasm waiting to happen, the Rover Curiosity hopefully stopped all that music nonsense from last week and began moving again. The rover is off to see the wizard, or really some rocks off in the distance. The Engineers (the ones with the really BIG pocket protectors) have been playing with the America's most expensive remote control car and have finally picked a destination. +50

Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Stuff: Yeah So Doctor Who Premiered in the US yesterday (Saturday) and guess who did not get to see it. This Geek FAN. You got it, yeah the Dog Log can't afford cable so I have to wait for Netflix. -40

Then to make matters worse the latest Doctor, a Matt Smith basically said that he might not do it anymore. You pansy. You would say this after millions watch the premier last night. -27

Back in the real world, more specifically, home in Boston, politics gets SUPER dirty when Scott Brown throws up a website calling Elizabeth Warren a "fake indian" and more. Now I'm not a big fan of her either but I'm not going to waste tax payers money to shame her just because.  What a freaking waste -19

Who said Boston was stuffy? See, we get nasty like everyone else. +5??? 

Speaking of dirty. How this is a good thing, I have no idea, but a creature I've only heard of and have never seen washed up on the shores of Mississippi in the aftermath of Isaac by the hundreds. What ever a nutria is people are actually glad to see them dead. Something about eroding the marshlands. Grossness but YAY!?!? +14

-70 Because a dead carcass still smells like well, dead things.

So how is the state of the world today? I'm going with 70 since I can't do math very well. At least it's not a +3 like last issue of the Bean Counter.

The Bean Counter

From a friend back home in New England I see a link that quizzes you on your political stance. Then it tallies your answers and tells you who you're most likely to vote for. Check that out here. +20

I apparently seem to favor two political parties one of which surprised the living heckness out of me.     -10 I'm not a fan of these kinds of surprises.

Behind on a book review -5

Took the dog to the beach today so I can finish said book for the review. +10

Enjoyed myself immensely AND got through a considerable portion of the book. + 12

Even managed to take this picture:
+15 such a good boy.

Then the silly dog ran away. -11 which resulted in me my buddy and some stranger corralling the furry mess in hopes of putting him back on the leash. Another -11because my book got sandy.

Still reeling over the whole legitimate rape thing from that Akin guy, here comes the freak of nature from TN saying with conviction that AIDS came from homosexual men having sex with monkeys. -5

After I call my mother in absolute outrage I realize the article was almost 8 months old. -7 a little delayed reaction on my part.

I decided I want a little more income (who doesn't) so I've been job hunting again (not that I ever stopped) in hopes of finding some that will hold me over until school starts. + 12 for the initiative.

Realized that I had a job that I wasn't getting paid for already and now I feel rather stupid. -9

Went to Karaoke the other night and once again sang completely off key. Have I lost my voice? -5

But at least I looked nice...+15

Meanwhile elsewhere in the US Hurricane Isaac touched down and the few people I know of still in the Gulf area were fairly constant on Facebook until a few hours ago.  -9

But the LA Times seems to be keeping up on things so at least something is coming out of the area. They have a photo gallery. +/- 0 Not really sure if I should be grading that...

Really NASA? Really?

Curiosity is still roving Mars and now it's playing music. Seriously it's playing music. + 20

Then I found out that the song it's transmitting is by will.i.am. Really guys? Really? -12

What WILL the Martians think?
Back on Earth...

Over the weekend Southern California experienced a series of Earthquakes that made me feel pretty nostalgic for Japan. +7 Some how that's good????

Sadly there was some damage even though the quakes weren't too too strong. Once again I'm linking you to LA Times to see what that was all about. -14

This week's Tally: +3
Hey it's better than nothing.

Tune in later for the Photo Prompt for Friday and the book review of The Witches Hand by Wendy Joseph.

                     

Bean Counter: Returning Sporadically

Ready for some serious ups and downs? Yeah well this ain't the place for that.

Wrote a book review for All The Time In The World on Amazon.com and it was rejected.  -10

I was pretty pissed about this because Amazon always deletes my negative feedback I found this article about Amazon deleting negative feedback.  -5

That it was found on Amazon.com.  +25

Then disgruntaled United Airline workers took matter into their own hands at the Dulles Airport a few weeks ago. As if canceling flights weren't enough to mess with Veterans suffering from PTSD, they started kicking service dogs too.  -45

As if the horrible Airline food wasn't abuse enough.

Speaking of bad airline food. Delta seems to be stickin it to EVERYONE by putting sewing needles in the turkey sandwiches. -19 I hate turkey but I'll eat it if I have to.

No one seems to know if this is a Terror Threat or an very well executed hoax. -50 Just for not having figured that out yet.

But that's on a terrestrial level (somewhat). In a Galaxy far far away a picture that should have never happened resurfaced thanks to a friend over on Facebook and a little help from No Hope For The Human Race:
+150

While everyone is watching the Olympics, the USA put another rover on Mars, or somethign like it. Pretty cool if you ask me. +35 for Team 'Merica!!!

That's like what, the fourth or fifth one since 1997? +25

And now that the Olympics are well and over Grindr will finally calm down. See all about that here  +10

Found an article that's roughly a year old about a Tibetan Red Mastiff being sold for 1.5 Million bucks. Seriously would you pay for this guy? -60 I'm sure starving kiddies everywhere could have used that money.

Read Here

Books for the next three weeks actually made here in time so I'm about to be ahead of myself again. +15

The Dog Log is now doing E-books so send me your published fiction. +5

I only have two E-Books so far.  -10

Got the worlds greatest nasty gram from the Vet: I'm a bad pet owner because I forgot Chewy's Flea and tick medication.  -10 Sad Face

Prior to the nasty email I went not once but twice to the vet to pick up said medication only to have them tell me twice that they were out. FAIL Animal Hospital, FAIL. -15 for the stupid factor.


On Okcupid I listed my pet peeves at the top my profile which specifically state ages 30-40. Makes sense to me since no one reads the bottom of profiles where it's normally listed. I now get messages from 50 year old men claiming I'm age discriminating. +24 pissing off geriatrics everywhere.

You can't win with dating I swear.

Tally this issue of the Bean Counter: 70

Tune in again for the Vlog on my latest review Fifty Shades Freed, the Famous Fictioneer Blog Hop on Friday and a whole lot more.

The Bean Counter: So Random It Kind Of Gives Me A Head Ache

Well Thursday is fast approaching and I of course must do a break down. The randomness of these past ten days or so astound even me. So I'm just going to start with zero. Beware there are links all over this one.


When Otters Attack. Yahoo is on fire  with craziness. A triathlon-er  was, well training for a triathlon, when a deranged otter bit her 25 times. I'm not sure what's worse being bit by an otter or the comments from some of the people who shared their two cents. +15


Manage to witness some crack pot on Google + claim rather passionately that he not only is a vampire but was turned against his will. Well that seemed fresh out of a Dakota Cassidy novel... +10


Stuck on Chapter 9 after spending exactly 8 days on Chapter 8. -12


Mom arrived today and already my life is upside down. -8


Was denied financial aide this week due to my non residency status. I've lived in California since January but they only deal with people who've lived in the state for over a year. -25


The up side is I can appeal. +10


Went to Karaoke Sunday night. Some random drunk moron calls me Titties to my face when I came from the restroom. I asked him if he wanted to die that night. He went away after shortly after that. +19 (hey it was funny and awkward)


A witness to my desire to end people, blogged about this either Monday or Tuesday night. So I'm freaking famous. +10


In a very surprising turn of events I found both EL James' Fifty Shades Freed and Kresley Cole's Lothaire at Freaking Walmart of all places. +16


Speaking of Walmart since I was in the center of mediocrity, I broke down and purchased a fan for my apartment. Well it is for the dog but I'm the one in front of it. +5


The Photo Prompt is out and I actually saw it early enough to think of something to write. +6




I can't think of anything yet. -11


Got pegged to work at a new magazine launching in August. +5 


My gut feeling says it might not make it. -12




My mentor from my last ship managed to get time off the ship to come to San Diego. He gave me a thumbs up on how things are going. Of course like all mentors he said I had room for improvement but at at least I'm heading in a semi good direction. +23


Ate some fairly good Indian cuisine at this place called India Palace. Had something fishy that was beyond nom noms. I think I might have even mouthgasmed on the Samosa. +14


And because I just can't ignore the news Zimmerman told Sean Hannity that it was "Part of God's Plan" to kill an unarmed teenage boy. You have got to be kidding me... -17

OKCupid Bot

Let's not forget dating on Ok Cupid: 
Guy: Hey want to have some fun? I've never been with a Black Chick before.
Me: There's a pet store on University that sells chicks in all colors. Hook yourself up.
Guy: Screw you. Slut.
Me: Your Mom must be so proud. -15


Then Huffington Post put out this awesomely funny article about a guy so well endowed that TSA frisked him because they thought it was a pistol. And the kicker is this guys does not do porn. +5 


If he did would I watch it? I think most likely no. Somethings aren't meant to be seen by this woman. +/-0


And Last but not least it's Pride week in San Diego. I've a bunch of friends that will be attending. Which means so will I and Mommy Dearest is coming to the parade! How cool is that??? +28




And the total of all random in this crazy few days: 66 Meh...

Bean Counter: Fourth of July Edition

To fully express how this week went I decided to move this week's Bean Counter further out. Welcome to Saturday.






Went To an Independence Day Party. +10

Had no idea who the host of the party was. -5

Drank too much Margarita. -5

Froze my ass off on an unfinished deck to watch the Fireworks.-10

Three shows that were supposed to be synchronized all simultaneously malfunctioned. +19

It was pretty as heck though. +21

Found out my FASFA app was denied due to my transcripts not being submitted. I swore I took care of that. -50

Took a death test on Ok Cupid. See the following:

Dead At 72

From Cancer

Find out when and why you'll die, take The Death Test!

 +50 at least it gives me time....

Ran out of clean laundry and seriously I'm wearing my bathing suit under my clothes. -12


Found out that my super expensive flea and tick medicine for Chewy isn't really that expensive. +25 Winning!!!!


Realized my poor SweetyPie Chewy has been suffering needlessly for months because I'm a bad mom. -29 Not winning


Entertained the idea of getting a student loan to cover the first three months of school until the GI Bill kicks in. -/+ If it must be done it must be done


Mom will be here in 11 days and the house is no where near clean enough. -100


Met an editor on OKCupid. I pissed him off royally, then found out that he loves Sci-Fi. Am I insane???? -1


Finally got ahead of my phone bill. +39


Decided to dump the wine. Then I drank it. What is wrong with me? Must be that insane thing again. -4


Saw a roach crawl across my television. I hate roaches, but you know what kills roaches, BLEACH and you can bet I sprayed the hell out of it. -10 for the roach +20 for having bleach on hand to kill it.


Finally saw Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter +15


Hated it so much I want to vlog it. -10


This week= -37 wow that sucks ass.


Last week 93


So what's my status? 56, Meh it could be worse.

Thursday's Bean Counter: Internet Edition

This edition of the Bean Counter is pact full of stuff from the internet:

Because it's Fucking Bruce Lee bitches!!!

 +100 Seriously, it's Bruce Lee need I say more???

My Profile on OkayCupid is being stalked by some guy in Ireland STILL. This was in last week's inbox : -10

It's only gotten worse since then.   -25




Lost power on Sunday for about seven hours.  -12


Luckily it was during the day time. +5


Unluckily it was during the day time in San Diego in June. -15


Some time around 10AM Wednesday the blog hit over 5000 views. Rock the fuck on. +43


Finally upgraded from Text Edit to Pages and was pleasantly pleased to find out that I have over 41,000 words down in The New God. +50


Spent two hours looking for batteries for the wall clock. Found the batteries then couldn't remember where I put the wall clock when I put it down. FAIL -21


Took Chewy to the Groomers dyed his tale  green this time. Now he color coordinates with my current bed set, his leash and harness, my designer house key, his poopy bags, most of the towels in the bathroom and a bunch of other things. At least he doesn't have an ugly mow-hawk like last time. +/- 0


Realized I was dragging around at least three inches of badly damaged hair. I cut some of it myself and I was okay. +5


Realized that I might have to take the rest of my hair to a salon and have some random person coming at me with a pair of scissors. -12

My sole reason for venturing to Los Angeles in July just canceled. Maxwell I know you're just doing this so I don't throw my panties at you. You ain't sick, get yo fine ass back on stage. I been waiting years to see you again. -30 


The upshot is them $100 tickets will get refunded. +13


Karaoke on Monday was a crap shoot. Super sore throat again and three hours of sleep. I crashed after two songs, even though I signed up for five and one was a duet. -17

My favorite Happy Panda buddy on Facebook was on fire today with a million billion e-cards my favorite today was: 


+25

Then he came back with this:




+26 I'll never think about Oreo Cookies the same ever again.




Mom is still threatening us with her presence and the count down has started.  I don't even know how to begin to score that one....


The California DMV is not as bad as I expected! Even though there's dire warnings not to miss your scheduled appointment, I was seen promptly since I came in there looking like a lost puppy. What did I learn from this? THE DMV MAKES APPOINTMENTS FOR ID'S??????? WINNING +18


Shared my first ever pod cast with everyone I know and care meagerly for. Most of them said that my section sounded like hot steamy shite. They didn't mean it the nice way. So I guess I'll be sound proofing my office if I want to do more.  -12


Decided that I needed a vanity set like three years ago. Finally went looking for one in the millions of billions of thrift stores all over San Diego. Awakened a memory of being dragged all over Boston with my mother doing the same thing, until she found one. Broke down and cried because I'm turning into my her.  -40. 20 for the realization and another 20 for the awful public display.


Since I don't even care what the last tally was I'm starting new. What's the total? 93 Fuck yeah life is pretty good this week.

Thursday's Bean Counter: Not much to show for it

What can I say for this week? Not much.


Honestly I don't even really have anything for this week's Bean Counter, so I went back to the original Bean Counter for inspiration. They weren't much help. There were some bears though...


With that said I have to apologize. I've been really enjoying the quiet solitude of not having a super dramatic and destructive roommate around the house giving a pallor to everything I hold dear. My only issue now is where to forward his mail.


I'm thinking I want to go see a movie after I fight with the DMV some more. This not having a CA ID is slowly but killing me.


You know what's even more disturbing? Still working on chapter seven. at least I'm not the only one hoping I finish my book. I was contacted by a self publishing company today called IUniverse. I heard of them before but only because they approached me before. I've never sent them any samples of my work. Frankly I have nothing to offer them, yet they are all about helping me publish.


Ms. Townes is well versed in scams and this one smells phishy. What does one with little faith and lots of doubt do? Aside from call themselves Thomas? I Google them. Not just Google them, I Google+'ed them. Of course they are known, and avoided like the plague. A fellow author and pod caster muscled up and gave me the skinny on them. They ask for your hard earned money upfront then nothing.


You know what it sounds like to me? That moment in House Party 2 where Iman's character Sheila, suckers Play out of Kid's scholarship check. It's a ten minute video but hey it's totally worth it, well to me anyway. I'm trying to make a point.

This is how people take advantage of others and IUniverse stinks of that. So what I'm going to end up doing is taking the advice of my pod caster friend and do it the old fashion way. Send off samples when the book is done (sometime in 2013 early) and hope for a miracle. Maybe I'll take the time to work on the plethora of other stories I have going. Or maybe rework the first book I started when I was still attached to the ship in Norfolk. Now that was a good story and the girls in the berthing over there on the San Antonio always had me swimming in inspiration. Of course I have to finish this one first. It is always good though to look to the future.

Funny thing about looking for old movies on YouTube, once you find what you're looking for you find other stuff. 45 minutes after I found this video did I mange to upload it. What was I watching on you tube? Well...

Because yeah that's what I was raised on.

But after I've wasted a good portion of my life and my writing time not writing I guess I'll have to just work on the memory spell tomorrow.

Chewy says bye.

Beautiful Blogger Award?/ The Bean Counter

Well Well Hey there


I bring you the Bean Counter this week with my usual ups and downs but this week I'm hoping is mostly up.


Last Week's Tally: Whooping 115




Some Jack Ass did got a little too frisky with the mail box around the corner from my home.  He got away with some very important information and managed to commit check fraud using my payment to the VA: -100


Found out who the guy was on Facebook of all places. I compiled a packet regarding him and how I did damage control over my banking and credit information, the police didn't even look at it: -45


Rent is late again, no thanks to RFKAO, so Ms. Townes had to cash in a portion of my retirement fund just to keep me sheltered over the freaking summer: -45


Mom decided that she was coming to visit: -10


The second week of What Am I Reading Wednesdays was so good that people actually looked at the YouTube video: +25


Thanks to Gini Koch (the author of the book I reviewed) and twitter 1,176 people might know who I am Thanks Gini: +35


Even better Gini Koch is such an awesome person that she took time out her day to have a whole conversation with me. (FANGIRL) +15


Chewy has worms again: -10


But I have the treatment for it and I didn't even have to buy any. This chick came prepared: +20


The Celtics are moving on to Game 7 and all the guys that I know back home in Boston are all lamenting the fact that they could have killed the Heat tonight: -12 (honorary because I couldn't care less about Basket Ball)

Started Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter and I am surprised about how much I actually like it: +17


I have a date Friday, Saturday and the return of Karaoke on Sunday: +15 because all of a sudden I'm busy???


Chewy and I took a trip to the Polls and voted for the first time in like for EVAH. No more absentee or provisional ballots for this girl: +15

Got nominated for the Beautiful Blogger Award  earlier this week by one of the Fellow Flash Fictioneers: +25 I just don't know what to say about that. What a wonderful thing to pass along!!!


Found my next three books for What Am I Reading Wednesdays and frankly I think I might pull out my hair, because now I have to read them: +15


Sadly because sense I haven't been able to write I've stayed up late watching "Big Trouble in Little China" every night for the last three weeks. I didn't realize that until last night: -19 But Kurt Russell plays the best character ever in that silly movie...

Chewy found my Luchador Mask and tore it to shreds. I really liked that mask, now what am I going to wear when I dance to Lady Gaga in my underoos? : -11


Met some guy that appeared to be a very nice person online (why do I even bother?) After a week of messaging on OKayCupid, I give him my phone number only to find out that he can't speak English at all: -30


The Internet manages to always perk me up so the following at all pluses just because:

+10 Because Facebook is the ENEMY

+25 Because I could not have come up with that.

And then my inner geek creamed on herself because in 20 years there will be a Starship Enterprise. Someone figured out how to do that: +30

This Week's Tally: 80 Considering the week I'm having that's not bad.

Stay connected for the Friday Flash Fiction up in a few short hours.