Dating is: Me Totally Judging You

I love going on Okcupid.com for good  no reason. I like to see what's out there and I like talking to folks who wander in and out of my peripheral. Today I got a sincerely awesome message that while it was a little too forward for my taste, still demanded I respond with honesty. 

Hello. I just wanted to stop by and say that you are VERY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! I know this seems a little off the wall but i would really like to get to know you. You can feel free to skype me at BlahBlahBlah or text me anytime at MehMeh-MehMehMeh. Please dont think i am strange giving out my info but to be quite honest, im not here for games. I really wanna get to know someone and possibly share my life with someone. God1 has been good to me even through all of the problems i have been through and i call this TAKING A STEP OF FAITH2 if that makes sense. Anyway, God3 bless you and i truly hope to hear back from you, but if i dont then i understand but atleast im putting myself out there. 
Showers Of His Blessings4, 
Le-Derp:-) 

P.S. I know the distance between us is great but i must be honest with you. If God5 brings 2 people together, not even distance can stop his plan6 and if God7 were in this i would come to YOU believe it or not. I try not to look at the natural and just see through his eyes8 in whom ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. God9 bless you and i do hope to hear from you. Im so ready for what God10 has for me no matter what....

Clearly I've edited this a little bit.

The first thing that comes to mind after reading such an introduction is Bible Thumper. Now hold on a minute, don't get your King James wrinkled. Let me explain why I thought that.

Urban Dictionary has 22 definitions of Bible Thumper, (go ahead and look through them, very interesting) the ones that matter here are 6, 7, 18 and 20. Basically a person who lives by and is guided by the Lord, or basically any outwardly proud uber Christian. Whatever get's you up in the morning mate.

This would not be a bad thing if I were as committed a Bible Thumper as is my friend here. I am not, but I had to let the guy down easy. Or what I thought was easy:

I'm sorry but you and I will not mesh. After reading your message and your profile I have judged you to be a Bible Thumping Jesus Freak. I'm not insulting your Bible Thump, it makes up a lot of who you are. I can not be a party to that kind of proud faith in something that in my mind, depends wholly on mob interpretation. 
I hope that you find the one for you, but please continue your search.

You think that was harsh? Now that I look at it on my blog it may be a little harsh. Oh well. I really didn't expect a response because no one likes rejection.   But:

u make absolutely no sense and u r pre judging me but oooooook

Maybe it doesn't make sense, maybe it does. Here's why I'm a little perturbed: In looking at my response I specifically used the word judged. I didn't say think, I said judged. As in - to infer, think, or hold as an opinion. I said this purposely to make him understand that I have made my opinion and I am deciding not to pursue a relationship based on this first impression. I'm entitled to do that. Did you count how many times  Divine Intervention/Power was mentioned? I already did that for you, a whooping 10 times.

I may have read that response as accusatory, but I will not be made to feel guilty because I exercised my right to choose a suitor. My ego needed to nipped this guy in the bud.  In that poorly formed 13-ish word statement was a guy who didn't like me being truthful in my response. This guy despite only communicating with me twice had managed to get under my skin even though I had no intention of letting him near me. 

My ego demanded closure and the last word:

I am prejudging you, I don't see the problem. I'm being honest with you, rather than make something up and lie. I CAN lie to you and say something that has nothing to do with how many times you made a reference to God, his blessings and HIS plan, but would you really (be) satisfied with that? 
Look my friend, if there were something else to hinder a relationship between to two of us I'd say that too. Regardless of political, religious, social status or superficial reasoning, I will always be honest enough to recognize what will and will not work. It is up to you to acknowledge that when you put yourself, publicly on a website, you will be judge(ed), and you will not like it sometimes. 
So accusing me of prejudging you, when that's exactly how online dating works, means that you're not understanding the fundamentals here. We are all prejudged. You need to get accustomed to that. 

I haven't heard back yet. 

As I said this is online dating. To me online dating is something like matching shoes to an outfit. What
well works  today may not be the appropriate shoe tomorrow. Some styles you just know will not work well with your ensemble.  Some will break your foot. The same rule applies to men, or women if that is your thing. I'm not particularly big on my faith in God, so a Bible Thumper isn't really going to work for me. They have needs I can't fulfill and I have too much stock in Science and my own abilities to put my faith and everything else on a person that might not exist. In other words if Le-Derp was a pair of shoes he'd be painful and not go with anything in my closet. There's no point to owning them (shoes). 

Is there in error in my judgment for not picking up the bad shoes? No, and a good girl friend will tell you that a good shoes is 100 times better than six cute shoes that feel bad. So why should I be ashamed to judge a person if there is a possibility of us dating? 

I think it sucks that we're taught not to judge when we do it everyday.  Job interviews, book choices, television, the clothes we wear, the people with whom we associate ourselves are all based on choices/ judgements. When did having an opinion about these, become a bad thing? When did voicing them become a bad thing? I don't know.

I guess this concludes my rant on dating for the week. I hope I made a point in all that.

That Guy you, ever and ever, regret meeting.

I was reading Girls Got Shine today and her blog talked about that mini-relationship. Everyone who's ever done online dating has done this at least once. That guy or gal you meet online, you both initially hit it off  enough to meet in person. But once you do meet you either sort of just let the person fade into the background or you just plain outright don't mesh as well. It happens and there's nothing to be ashamed about.

I thought about the last guy I actually went on a date with. It was terrible and heaven forbid I ever see that guy again I might cower and run. I'm not afraid, mind you, of him. I just don't want the headache.

Ms. Shine thinks that the people you have mini-relationships with have just as much affect on you as the folks you date long term. I agree. The last guy I mini-dated was a migrant farm worker. He was so far out of my league that I took pity on him and cooked him a meal before sending on his merry way. That is not the life for me, nor do I want that in my choice of partners. But the stories I had for that guy lasted me a good two weeks at Karaoke night.

I'm going to take it a step further and say that the folks you MEET will have some impact on who you date. You don't really have to date them; you just have to talk to them, read their profile. There is a reason, and it might not be listed,  why that person is still single.

My personal favorite ones are the guys who seem nice at the start but somewhere in the conversation phase he says:

Like I said on FaceBook back in June, I'm better off in a bar.

But the upside is that when you meet people like that you only remember them for a short period of time. You can and do move on from that with some small lesson learned and keep it moving like Ms. Shine said.

The idea though is to never give up on yourself, never let yourself go, and most important reach out.

I know what you're thinking. "Why Ms. Townes, you haven't been on a date in ages."

And you'd be right. What you don't see is that I've been busy doing and sometimes not doing things.

Dating is like mining for diamonds.  You can spend all day in the mud and get nothing then, HUZZAH you have something great. In other words dating doesn't pay often but it pays really well when it does.

I still stand by my statement. Reach out. They don't bite unless you let them, or you like that sort of thing.

Why do: Older Men Date/Chase Younger Women.

Sometime over the weekend I was approached by a man the same age as my mother. He asked me how my day was, then began talking about his daughter and grand children. I’m a fairly nice person sometimes, so I let him talk. He went on to say his daughter was 30 and she was dating a very bad man. I appropriately pitied him for his familial troubles and let him ramble on.

I guess the man decided that I was good enough, because after he exhausted the topic of his daughter he began asking about me. Where was my man, how old am I, do I have kids. He was shocked that I’d managed to go 32 years on this planet and not have kids.

WHY IS THIS SO ODD?

But seeing as I’m such a freaking gem, he decided he had a chance and said: “I’m 55, am I too old for you?”

“Yes, yes sir you are.” I said this with all the solemn respect I’m supposed to have for my elders. Because really, he’s the same age as my mother. He didn’t age like my mother who worked out all the time and took great care of her skin and was a very healthy vibrant woman. 

But I’m not rejecting this man because he didn’t take care of himself. I’m rejecting him because he is 55, I don’t see him as a remotely sexual being, and he told me about his 30 year old daughter. I pictured my father talking to some woman I didn’t know about me, I didn’t like it.

So what do you think motivated him to even think of dating me? I couldn’t tell you. So I asked a few people on Facebook and Google+. Why do older men chase younger women? I asked the men, and like everything I ask, only women have the answer. Because we ROCK, YEAH. 

The women all pretty much say the same thing: Because men want to feel young again. Or they don’t find older women attractive. Well, ladies it’s not looking good for the fellas, is it. Maybe we should start adopting more pets.

So some guy on Jezebel.com says that it’s a kind of validation of a man’s vitality or a presentation of power. I can dig this because the older I get the easier becomes for me to spot the doddering old fool among the pack. That whole crisis part of midlife crisis thing. The identity of the man is changing so in order for him to not appear feeble he finds younger women.

So here is where I break out my inner cynic and scream "young and dumb" at the top of my lungs. I had a friend who would only date older men after high school. I mean, she dated guys in their late 30’s and early 40’s. My immature brain pictured wrinkly penises and moley balls. I could not condone the practice no matter how much money they threw at her. It was not worth the sacrifice. Which is probably why I was always broke, that hind sight will get you. Obviously I’m aware that men that age aren’t all that bad, but to my 19 year old brain...you can imagine.

I think and I’m allowed to be wrong that older men like younger women because they haven’t developed into a complete adult just yet. The body is there, it’s just that the mind isn’t quite done. I’m obviously talking about teenagers and college freshmen here. For these women an older man is the “perfect guide” to take her through the new and exciting world where all the big kids play. Suddenly the man gets to re -experience all the same things from a fresh new perspective wrapped neatly in a tight young body. He even may score some cool points among his friends if he dresses her correctly.

We’ll get back to that in a sec but I had to share a little about this completely cockamamy, in my opinion, scientific approach to the question of why old men date younger women. The Science Blog theorized that it’s actually a way to combat natural selection. MY ASS! 

Aging men who mate with fertile young females actually increase the life expectancy of the species.  I’m not quoting here I’m summarizing, you can read it if you want later. The male having lived for such a long time, must have some genetic advantage that passes to the next generation both male and female thus increasing the life expectancy of the species.

Why do you think I am vehemently opposed to this idea? Well for one old men don’t just chase young girls. That’s only one demographic. What about old men chasing young boys (young men for the insecure of the bunch)?  A whole different set of rules to play with? Not really. Two these guys aren't looking to pass on more genes and contribute to the species.

Some dude on the Frisky.com pretty much said it’s because guys want to feel young. So we are back at youth roller derby now. I mean there’s mention as well of that whole need to reproduce but men old enough to be dads, usually are and that make this entirely way more creepy.

But the gist of what I’m finding out is that men don’t want to be looked as as weak, silly (I beg to differ), unattractive, or harmless. They want that association of sexy, dangerous, youthful, visceral, they want validation that they are commanding. And for a good number of men it’s not hard to pull off on someone who has never lived outside the bubble of youth. That Frisky article paints all young females as victims of men that strangely reminds me of Mr. Paper Trail (a fictional person fashioned after every Hannah Barbara Villain ever made). I like the Frisky article though, it actually lays some of the blame on Hugh Hefner. Wiki has his net worth at 43 million dollars in 2009. That can't be right.

But what about my case? That man was 55 to my 32. I’m supposedly peaking. He’s past his prime, his prime was over before I was born so what then? Let’s be honest, I might kill the poor guy if I decided to hope on his geezer stick and women my age are all peaking right now. My understanding is, women in their 30’s actually demand not only more sex than the younger nubile counterparts but better quality orgasms. We’re embracing our sexuality and some even take the cougar mobile ourselves to satisfy our needs. Clearly this man might need a waiver. But instead I’ll make a guess.

Maybe he wants to seem like a protector? Roll with me on this. This is for the guys out there who actually believe in taking care of a woman. A man that age looks at a woman my age and depending on each person will see a person that needs or does not need his help. Anything the older man offers will be considered a gift. 

Not feeling that? Let me try again.

I’m younger than him but not so young that I’m completely inept. I can and have survived on my own for a while. So my affections if I decide to show it would be more “genuine”. ... OR... Maybe he thinks I find myself so unattractive that I’ll take what ever comes my way. So I’ll be extra nice because I’m not getting any younger.

Not liking that either. Okay one more shot then I’m fresh out ideas.

Maybe he just liked me.

Regardless this isn’t about why he approached me. It’s about why older men in general chase youth. Maybe it’s my jaded heart that says the youth is easier to lie to. Anyone who’s been on the dating scene, at the bars, clubs or gyms, can tell you that there aren’t any new lines out there. After a while the all recycle and then the whole dating experience becomes one blur after another of meaningless conversation, even more meaningless sex and the worst thing ever, settling.

I think the settling is what does it. Suddenly the idea of aging scares men and they do all the same things. They take up a new hobby, buy a new car, exchange the old girl for a new one. There is never anything wrong with the old but the new is exciting. The young is fresh, innocent, untarnished in mind or body. It’s seductive and challenging, but not to challenging. If molding a young woman into the perfect arm candy were lots of work I wouldn’t be writing this.

And maybe certain guys just like young women. Some times it might be the simplest of answers.

Somewhere in this article I used information from this web publication. I can't really say what part but I need to give credit.

I also used materials from here too. If I missed something please don't be mad.

Bean Counter: Returning Sporadically

Ready for some serious ups and downs? Yeah well this ain't the place for that.

Wrote a book review for All The Time In The World on Amazon.com and it was rejected.  -10

I was pretty pissed about this because Amazon always deletes my negative feedback I found this article about Amazon deleting negative feedback.  -5

That it was found on Amazon.com.  +25

Then disgruntaled United Airline workers took matter into their own hands at the Dulles Airport a few weeks ago. As if canceling flights weren't enough to mess with Veterans suffering from PTSD, they started kicking service dogs too.  -45

As if the horrible Airline food wasn't abuse enough.

Speaking of bad airline food. Delta seems to be stickin it to EVERYONE by putting sewing needles in the turkey sandwiches. -19 I hate turkey but I'll eat it if I have to.

No one seems to know if this is a Terror Threat or an very well executed hoax. -50 Just for not having figured that out yet.

But that's on a terrestrial level (somewhat). In a Galaxy far far away a picture that should have never happened resurfaced thanks to a friend over on Facebook and a little help from No Hope For The Human Race:
+150

While everyone is watching the Olympics, the USA put another rover on Mars, or somethign like it. Pretty cool if you ask me. +35 for Team 'Merica!!!

That's like what, the fourth or fifth one since 1997? +25

And now that the Olympics are well and over Grindr will finally calm down. See all about that here  +10

Found an article that's roughly a year old about a Tibetan Red Mastiff being sold for 1.5 Million bucks. Seriously would you pay for this guy? -60 I'm sure starving kiddies everywhere could have used that money.

Read Here

Books for the next three weeks actually made here in time so I'm about to be ahead of myself again. +15

The Dog Log is now doing E-books so send me your published fiction. +5

I only have two E-Books so far.  -10

Got the worlds greatest nasty gram from the Vet: I'm a bad pet owner because I forgot Chewy's Flea and tick medication.  -10 Sad Face

Prior to the nasty email I went not once but twice to the vet to pick up said medication only to have them tell me twice that they were out. FAIL Animal Hospital, FAIL. -15 for the stupid factor.


On Okcupid I listed my pet peeves at the top my profile which specifically state ages 30-40. Makes sense to me since no one reads the bottom of profiles where it's normally listed. I now get messages from 50 year old men claiming I'm age discriminating. +24 pissing off geriatrics everywhere.

You can't win with dating I swear.

Tally this issue of the Bean Counter: 70

Tune in again for the Vlog on my latest review Fifty Shades Freed, the Famous Fictioneer Blog Hop on Friday and a whole lot more.

Still a taboo: Interracial Dating?

Eye roll please...


I date whatever comes across my plate. Not because I'm desperate, but because I've spent most of my life exposed to different people and never discriminated romantically by color.


In second grade I had the hugest crush on this beautiful boy named Eric he was black. In fourth grade it was Tommy, from Cambodia. By seventh grade it was the dreamy oh Mc. Steamy Mike B. who was this Italian heart throb that all the girls absolutely adored. My "First"was a guy with a name to this day I still can't pronounce properly from Cape Verde. Luckily he had a nick name and I didn't have to feel bad about not being able to say it. So I can honestly say I've liked, loved and lost the rainbow.

I never worried, despite the movies, about dating outside my race. There was no major drama for me, like in Mississippi Masala or Jungle Fever or even Something New.


I mean I knew I was going to catch a little flack from one or two people in the family when I was dating the accountant, a big tall white guy. It was minimal and honestly he treated me like a queen. I also think my dad didn't like him because he was a nerd and her wore black socks with shorts and sneakers. Hey, he comfortable with himself.


When I joined the Military I had a relationship with a couple of guys that weren't Black. I'd like to think they liked me for me and not my color. I will admit there was one guy that dated me because he was deeply religious and he wanted to convert me. Imagine me trying not to swear in front of another Sailor, an Engineer to boot. They got the worst mouths in the Navy how odd was that?


But I'm not breaking out my book of shame for no reason and frankly I don't really think of it as a book of shame. What I'm showing is the fact that I don't think interracial dating is that big of a deal. I've come up pretty much skirting that negative stigma. What shocks me is how much of a issue it is to others. Maybe I need to take off my beer goggles or rose tinted glasses but I thought we were through with that.

I've had four documented moments of "what the fuck" since the beginning of June. I'm a little verklepmt. I can understand a certain fascination with other peoples, the allure, the mystique, but what I can't see is the oh so sublte ways in which people say this to each other.


Why is shit like this a taboo? And why is it okay to say shite like this:

Or even better:


Did we lose manners when we gained the ability to text message? What parent teaches their children to say things like this?


I'm getting off topic though. My question is and I'll keep saying this: Why is dating a black woman still important?


I don't wake up each day and say today I'm going to find me a white man and rock his world. Lately I've been busy trying to rock my own damn world, you can take that anyway you want, by the way. My hopes and aspirations for companionship don't have a color requirement. I'll admit I'll steer clear of some cultures because I've witness, first hand the accepted treatment of women. I, however will give each guy a chance to prove he's not his culture. This jaded dater, however has not been proved wrong.


But this is what I've been getting lately and I'm finding it harder and harder to want to date period.  Ladies if you would, look at this from my point of view. I'm being approached by men, intelligent men, only because of my skin tone. My attractiveness as a female does not fit into this equation, nor does my sharp wit or my goals to become an epic story teller. I'm now being chosen for the ethnicity of my name and the color of my skin.


I've lost awesome career opportunities sadly because of my color. Now I'm being almost harassed for a "good time" because of it. Talk about a being unworthy. My other qualities I've worked really hard to fine tune mean absolutely nothing. It's a blow to my ego, it really is.


I don't want to be dated because I'm black. I want to be dated because the man I like, likes me back. I want to date him because he doesn't think I'm an item on a bucket list, like, zip lining or snake charming.


Maybe I should be happy I've gotten past that particular issue in myself. I must say I don't really feel smug about it since those who've manage to catch up are already taken.

The Bean Counter: So Random It Kind Of Gives Me A Head Ache

Well Thursday is fast approaching and I of course must do a break down. The randomness of these past ten days or so astound even me. So I'm just going to start with zero. Beware there are links all over this one.


When Otters Attack. Yahoo is on fire  with craziness. A triathlon-er  was, well training for a triathlon, when a deranged otter bit her 25 times. I'm not sure what's worse being bit by an otter or the comments from some of the people who shared their two cents. +15


Manage to witness some crack pot on Google + claim rather passionately that he not only is a vampire but was turned against his will. Well that seemed fresh out of a Dakota Cassidy novel... +10


Stuck on Chapter 9 after spending exactly 8 days on Chapter 8. -12


Mom arrived today and already my life is upside down. -8


Was denied financial aide this week due to my non residency status. I've lived in California since January but they only deal with people who've lived in the state for over a year. -25


The up side is I can appeal. +10


Went to Karaoke Sunday night. Some random drunk moron calls me Titties to my face when I came from the restroom. I asked him if he wanted to die that night. He went away after shortly after that. +19 (hey it was funny and awkward)


A witness to my desire to end people, blogged about this either Monday or Tuesday night. So I'm freaking famous. +10


In a very surprising turn of events I found both EL James' Fifty Shades Freed and Kresley Cole's Lothaire at Freaking Walmart of all places. +16


Speaking of Walmart since I was in the center of mediocrity, I broke down and purchased a fan for my apartment. Well it is for the dog but I'm the one in front of it. +5


The Photo Prompt is out and I actually saw it early enough to think of something to write. +6




I can't think of anything yet. -11


Got pegged to work at a new magazine launching in August. +5 


My gut feeling says it might not make it. -12




My mentor from my last ship managed to get time off the ship to come to San Diego. He gave me a thumbs up on how things are going. Of course like all mentors he said I had room for improvement but at at least I'm heading in a semi good direction. +23


Ate some fairly good Indian cuisine at this place called India Palace. Had something fishy that was beyond nom noms. I think I might have even mouthgasmed on the Samosa. +14


And because I just can't ignore the news Zimmerman told Sean Hannity that it was "Part of God's Plan" to kill an unarmed teenage boy. You have got to be kidding me... -17

OKCupid Bot

Let's not forget dating on Ok Cupid: 
Guy: Hey want to have some fun? I've never been with a Black Chick before.
Me: There's a pet store on University that sells chicks in all colors. Hook yourself up.
Guy: Screw you. Slut.
Me: Your Mom must be so proud. -15


Then Huffington Post put out this awesomely funny article about a guy so well endowed that TSA frisked him because they thought it was a pistol. And the kicker is this guys does not do porn. +5 


If he did would I watch it? I think most likely no. Somethings aren't meant to be seen by this woman. +/-0


And Last but not least it's Pride week in San Diego. I've a bunch of friends that will be attending. Which means so will I and Mommy Dearest is coming to the parade! How cool is that??? +28




And the total of all random in this crazy few days: 66 Meh...

Bean Counter: Fourth of July Edition

To fully express how this week went I decided to move this week's Bean Counter further out. Welcome to Saturday.






Went To an Independence Day Party. +10

Had no idea who the host of the party was. -5

Drank too much Margarita. -5

Froze my ass off on an unfinished deck to watch the Fireworks.-10

Three shows that were supposed to be synchronized all simultaneously malfunctioned. +19

It was pretty as heck though. +21

Found out my FASFA app was denied due to my transcripts not being submitted. I swore I took care of that. -50

Took a death test on Ok Cupid. See the following:

Dead At 72

From Cancer

Find out when and why you'll die, take The Death Test!

 +50 at least it gives me time....

Ran out of clean laundry and seriously I'm wearing my bathing suit under my clothes. -12


Found out that my super expensive flea and tick medicine for Chewy isn't really that expensive. +25 Winning!!!!


Realized my poor SweetyPie Chewy has been suffering needlessly for months because I'm a bad mom. -29 Not winning


Entertained the idea of getting a student loan to cover the first three months of school until the GI Bill kicks in. -/+ If it must be done it must be done


Mom will be here in 11 days and the house is no where near clean enough. -100


Met an editor on OKCupid. I pissed him off royally, then found out that he loves Sci-Fi. Am I insane???? -1


Finally got ahead of my phone bill. +39


Decided to dump the wine. Then I drank it. What is wrong with me? Must be that insane thing again. -4


Saw a roach crawl across my television. I hate roaches, but you know what kills roaches, BLEACH and you can bet I sprayed the hell out of it. -10 for the roach +20 for having bleach on hand to kill it.


Finally saw Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter +15


Hated it so much I want to vlog it. -10


This week= -37 wow that sucks ass.


Last week 93


So what's my status? 56, Meh it could be worse.

The Rebound Guy

My Blog Buddy Woody (If we ever meet in person, that town better watch out) wrote about breaking up a few days ago.  I'm guessing by what she wrote and what a few other women I know love and/or respect have said there is no practical use for the Rebound Guy. I disagree.

I had a Rebound Guy once. He was awesome (if there was a word I could possibly overuse). I met him at some large gathering of friends.  I'm pretty sure it was a Pub Crawl. Over the course of the evening someone asked me how I was handling my recent break up. 

Surrounded by a lot of mine and my ex's mutual friends, I bolstered my courage and said, "It fucking sucks I need a Rebound Guy." Those who were listening replied with cheers, toasting, and I think one even slapped me on the back.  All I really wanted was to get my potato wedges, it was a restaurant after all. Crawl back home and sleep. But I stayed.


As most pub crawls go they only get bigger as the night wears on. "J" my new friend, like any good predator sought me out attempted to reel me in. This chick has game though, he pretty much fell for what ever line I threw him, then kindly drove me all the way back to my house. No kiss, no hug, no nookie. Some where during the course if the Pub Crawl though I behaved really bad, was asked to put my boots back on by a bouncer, but other than that, and throwing my phone number out, I pretty much was a good girl.


"J" called me the next day.

He told me that he wouldn't mind being my rebound guy. He said he kind of gets that a lot with chicks. I kind of felt bad for him, but I realized the sight of runny mascara must turn him on. Who does that? Seriously, who dates chicks on the rebound? "May I introduce "J" the professional Rebound Guy.


You know if I wasn't so emotionally involved in my last relationship I think me and him would have had something to build on. Then again this guy likes emotionally uninvolved. Also he was a government contractor that traveled a lot so this is probably all he's got time for.


Anyway with that out of the way, we hit it off pretty well. After a month his job in Boston was over and I was back to my old self again. When he left I was like thanks, then to make it more awkward he said thanks too. He left on good terms, I was back to bad ass status and not feeling all down about myself.


Maybe I'm a bit off to think that getting a Rebound Guy is a good idea. I think you have to be clear headed about the situation. I do agree that whoring yourself out at the bar/club may be a very bad, and dangerous thing to do. But what if you are just used to having some one around? What if you seem to be stuck at those shindigs that are always you+1?  You can't go by yourself, that's lame. (Clearly I've evolved since this statement)


When you brake up with someone, you loose that hanging partner to all the cool events that couple go to. The invites start drying up and you're stuck on a Friday night drinking with your single friends who all hate being single. I wasn't ready to go back to that when my actual boyfriend left me. I needed a buffer. And "J" stepped right in.


I've had a few more break ups since that. I've handled each on of them differently. Of course each break up was different. One was a compulsive liar and cheat. One thanks to orders PCS'd to some other country. Another, through a mutual emerging dislike, just stopped calling and trust me when I say I was okay with that. No need for a Rebound Guy there. The one I actually waited to be physical with, turned out to be physically incompatible, that was awkward. 


The one that PCS'd to a different country would have required a Rebound Guy if I were in port as scheduled to see said ex off on his flight. But alas  my ship was tasked and we never got to say good bye. I had to get over that one all by myself. For him I totally would have found a Rebound Guy. If the stars and operational tasking aligned, I think would have been fine.


The point I'm trying to make is that you don't need a Rebound Guy to boost your confidence or your self esteem. You need a Rebound Guy because he's got no ties to you, your ex, your friends or anything else going on in your life. He fills that space your ex left, heaven forbid you guys had any shared plans. Plus Rebound Guy gradually sets you down as opposed to being abruptly dumped. As long as yous twos are clear on these facts it should be a pleasant experience.

One thing is golden here though: THE REBOUND GUY IS TEMPORARY. You don't date these folks indefinitely. When you've moved on from your ex, you move on from the Rebound Guy too. Don't be like this chick:

That shit ain't real, it never happens. When Hollywood starts talking about love again, there is always some poor woman that actually believes this. I believed E.T. was real until I rode the ride at Universal Studios too. Take the time after you've moved on and do your closet cleaning, revamp your wardrobe, change your hair color, take up yoga or what ever it is you do after the scab falls off. The point of this is to come out better than when you went in.




I'm off my soap box.