The Rebound Guy

My Blog Buddy Woody (If we ever meet in person, that town better watch out) wrote about breaking up a few days ago.  I'm guessing by what she wrote and what a few other women I know love and/or respect have said there is no practical use for the Rebound Guy. I disagree.

I had a Rebound Guy once. He was awesome (if there was a word I could possibly overuse). I met him at some large gathering of friends.  I'm pretty sure it was a Pub Crawl. Over the course of the evening someone asked me how I was handling my recent break up. 

Surrounded by a lot of mine and my ex's mutual friends, I bolstered my courage and said, "It fucking sucks I need a Rebound Guy." Those who were listening replied with cheers, toasting, and I think one even slapped me on the back.  All I really wanted was to get my potato wedges, it was a restaurant after all. Crawl back home and sleep. But I stayed.


As most pub crawls go they only get bigger as the night wears on. "J" my new friend, like any good predator sought me out attempted to reel me in. This chick has game though, he pretty much fell for what ever line I threw him, then kindly drove me all the way back to my house. No kiss, no hug, no nookie. Some where during the course if the Pub Crawl though I behaved really bad, was asked to put my boots back on by a bouncer, but other than that, and throwing my phone number out, I pretty much was a good girl.


"J" called me the next day.

He told me that he wouldn't mind being my rebound guy. He said he kind of gets that a lot with chicks. I kind of felt bad for him, but I realized the sight of runny mascara must turn him on. Who does that? Seriously, who dates chicks on the rebound? "May I introduce "J" the professional Rebound Guy.


You know if I wasn't so emotionally involved in my last relationship I think me and him would have had something to build on. Then again this guy likes emotionally uninvolved. Also he was a government contractor that traveled a lot so this is probably all he's got time for.


Anyway with that out of the way, we hit it off pretty well. After a month his job in Boston was over and I was back to my old self again. When he left I was like thanks, then to make it more awkward he said thanks too. He left on good terms, I was back to bad ass status and not feeling all down about myself.


Maybe I'm a bit off to think that getting a Rebound Guy is a good idea. I think you have to be clear headed about the situation. I do agree that whoring yourself out at the bar/club may be a very bad, and dangerous thing to do. But what if you are just used to having some one around? What if you seem to be stuck at those shindigs that are always you+1?  You can't go by yourself, that's lame. (Clearly I've evolved since this statement)


When you brake up with someone, you loose that hanging partner to all the cool events that couple go to. The invites start drying up and you're stuck on a Friday night drinking with your single friends who all hate being single. I wasn't ready to go back to that when my actual boyfriend left me. I needed a buffer. And "J" stepped right in.


I've had a few more break ups since that. I've handled each on of them differently. Of course each break up was different. One was a compulsive liar and cheat. One thanks to orders PCS'd to some other country. Another, through a mutual emerging dislike, just stopped calling and trust me when I say I was okay with that. No need for a Rebound Guy there. The one I actually waited to be physical with, turned out to be physically incompatible, that was awkward. 


The one that PCS'd to a different country would have required a Rebound Guy if I were in port as scheduled to see said ex off on his flight. But alas  my ship was tasked and we never got to say good bye. I had to get over that one all by myself. For him I totally would have found a Rebound Guy. If the stars and operational tasking aligned, I think would have been fine.


The point I'm trying to make is that you don't need a Rebound Guy to boost your confidence or your self esteem. You need a Rebound Guy because he's got no ties to you, your ex, your friends or anything else going on in your life. He fills that space your ex left, heaven forbid you guys had any shared plans. Plus Rebound Guy gradually sets you down as opposed to being abruptly dumped. As long as yous twos are clear on these facts it should be a pleasant experience.

One thing is golden here though: THE REBOUND GUY IS TEMPORARY. You don't date these folks indefinitely. When you've moved on from your ex, you move on from the Rebound Guy too. Don't be like this chick:

That shit ain't real, it never happens. When Hollywood starts talking about love again, there is always some poor woman that actually believes this. I believed E.T. was real until I rode the ride at Universal Studios too. Take the time after you've moved on and do your closet cleaning, revamp your wardrobe, change your hair color, take up yoga or what ever it is you do after the scab falls off. The point of this is to come out better than when you went in.




I'm off my soap box.

What Am I Reading Wednesday- Fifty Shades of Grey

I've been hearing about that book for a few weeks on Facebook. Some of my home girls scattered through out the country, and in some cases the world, have been talking about it. Well Ms. Townes was curious. Even more curious when Haywood mentioned it in her blog.

You can't find Fifty Shades of Grey in Walmart and frankly I'd be shocked to shit if I did. I had to venture on to Amazon.com once again kicking myself got having not purchased a Kindle. I was then  treated to not one book but a trilogy.


Well break my little heart, another stinking series. I'm not hating on the "series" I'm just hating on the fact that once again I got sucked into another book that will make me buy the rest just to finish a story. Suckdom I tell you suckdom, so E. L. what'sherface this better be good.


Speaking of What'sherface- here's the website E L James has a tastefully erotic site with out even looking erotic. It's all about the book I tell you and once you read the book, that website takes on a whole new meaning. But let me tell you about how I could not, NOT, put this book down.


Ms. James seems to have the same verve, spark and magnetism you find in the Harry Potter books. Though there aren't any epic Quidditch matches or Lizard Faced Evil Genius out to kill little boys, but it's got that easy readability you find through out all JK Rowlings books. But we're not talking about a book that grows with you. This is definitely a big GIRL book.


Our two Main Characters here are Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. For the life of me I can't really picture this chick. I just assumed for the first 50 or so pages that this chick was super frump to the extreme. Like wise with Christian though not super frump. More like filthy stinking rich. It takes a good while for me to gradually get an image of what they look like, but who cares, the book is fucking awesome. Though it just now dawns on me after I've put this book in my shelf that Mr. Grey is a Ginger, it all makes sense now. He has no soul.


Grey is a hot mess of self contained rage. He's got some truly deep issues that prevents him from being the man she needs. Yet the poor helpless child falls for him anyway. Ana is literally three people, the active and functioning body, her inner goddess and her self conscious who apparently looks like a librarian. This takes that whole inner monologue to an entirely different level. Since the book is written about her, we spend a lot of time visualizing the goddess and the librarian at odds with each other. I like it.


In the first book alone I see a lot of compromise between the two of them to make the relationship work. I see a lot of growth too and I'm pretty darn anxious to see what happens in the next installment. If it reads anything like book one, I'll be done in two days or less.


Oh and for the people who haven't read or heard about this wonderfully told story, there's smut lots of it and it's done well. That's what makes this story so freaking believable. Ms. James did her research, that or she knows it from first hand experience. (shame shame we know your name) GOOD ON YOU Lady James. Also she manages to make of all places Washington State seem inviting. I'm not saying Washington doesn't have anything to offer, it just doesn't have anything to offer me. I went there once I didn't like it, rained a lot.


I'm going to say that EL James nailed the fuck out of this book over all. Did she manage to draw me in? Yes. Was her website appealing? Yes. Will I read anything else after I finish this trilogy by EL James? Yes. See, fucking nailed it. Now go buy the book dammit!!!


But before you do that watch my Youtube video:

Next week's book will be Amped by Daniel H. Wilson: It looks like some sort of tech fiction that I might not finish but since it only took me two days to read Fifty Shades I guess I might start early. The write up on it was really intriguing. It appears initially to be mostly suspense though, I'm going to with hold my opinion until the end though just in case I find myself loving this book too.

Until next time.

P.S. 

If anyone has a hard copy of a new fiction book out and they want it read and reviewed by yours truly leave me a comment here, Tweet me @AtiyaWTownes, or email me atiya.townes@gmail.com so I can  work it into the schedule. I'm all for helping out another unknown like myself. 

Versus: Team Single matches up against The UNFLUSHABLE

PNNU (Person Nick Name Unknown) is a great guy. I like him, RFKAO likes him, Chewy likes him, even a few other guys that happen to have met him like him. Everyone freaking likes him.


So what is the problem? Well I met him on a dating website Plenty of Fish. In his profile it says looking to date but nothing serious. My profile says no relationship or commitment of any kind. The problem is that everyone can see him trying to make this friendship into something deeper.


I felt myself being backed into a corner and panicked. RFKAO can see it and despite how great the guy is, he knows that this is not what I want. I love having a side kick. Purely for selfish reasons though I'm thinking RFKAO would rather me not date this guy. But he's got a good reason for it. Let me explain it so you can all agree that this person, though super duper shiny is not gold.


PNNU is still out of town. Week one goes by with out much hooplah from my end. Then the weekend arrives and I give him a courtesy call. First thing out this guy's mouth is, "Why haven't I heard from you?" Seeing as me and the roomy were both eating and playing with our phones, he got to witness my face when that question came up. I answered honestly and then got a five minute speech about how much it bothered him that I didn't call.

WWWHHHOOOOAAAAAAOOOOWWWWWWW Golly. Am I dealing with one of those people? Thanks to Woody's Single Life, people like that have a name. Introducing the Stage Five Clinger. Granted Ms. Woody was referring to women when she did her series, a good 90% of the characteristics of a Stage Five Clingers are not gender specific.


RFKAO and the rest of the crew of gay men I seems to be amassing on my speed dial, have already pictured me miserable with kids or worse, married to this looser. There's jokes and they are not funny. The little stories I make in my head, that never get on paper, all feature a woman in a cage trying desperately to break out. Yeah, I don't feel trapped at all. Nawwppp Not at All

At this point though I wasn't feeling that freaked out, until the two week mark. I get the most vile text ever. "I MISS YOU" Spent one week chilling and getting to know each other then one week away. How does someone miss a person you just met? When I asked how that was possible I got the creeper warning that, I should just accept that that is how he feels. Oh and to never mention that again. Not only did I kill the moment, but I upset him for saying such blasphemy. I'll admit that Ms. Townes was at the bar with all her guys present and she was drinking. They all read the thread. We agreed that if he ever said that in person I had every right to defend myself. I'm thinking Judo Chop, like go Bruce LeRoy Green on his azz. I AM the Last Dragon, watch me Glow.

This weekend was supposed to bring the arrival of PNNU back to San Diego. With a lot of needling on his part he actually managed to commandeer my Karaoke night so that we could spend some time together. He ended up staying out of town. All the guys were like come to Karaoke anyway. Lucky me I felt horrible, I only called PNNU to tell him I was crying off. He got mad.


???

Why is he mad, he's still out of town? And to make matters worse he later demanded to know why I don't return his text messages in a timely manner. I can and did explain how I'm not glued to my phone, but it wasn't enough because the next time he texted me, he fucking timed me. Seriously guy? You timed me. You fucking timed me. What kind of silly insecure bull shit is this? 


You know little things like this make me angry. In my mind if little things about me are going to irk them, then it's the end of the freaking world when something big happens. My buddy who does drag every now and then, upgraded him from five to twelve when he heard about the timing thing. Instant upgrade. I love it.


I'm past uncomfortable with this. Time to make him go away. So I tried to call him. No answer. Tried to leave a voice mail, mailbox full. The only thing left to do is send a text. I'm not a big fan of giving someone the boot via text. Smacks of my late twenty's. Once you hit thirty, in my opinion, you have to do things face to face, or if you have an unflushable like on Coupling, it's probably better to do it where you are relatively safe. You all should watch that show Coupling, it's on the BBC, despite the fashion being ten years out of date, all the relationship woes are still pretty much current.


So I devolved a little bit and had to bang out a text which I feel terribly bad about, but as PNNU's preferred form of communication seems to be texting I guess I should conform just this once and hope he doesn't put himself back on a plane right now and truly becomes unflushable. 


I could have waited until he came back to town and done this properly. I really could have. I don't see the point of that since then I'd have to deal with more of the above. I can't do it. 


For every nice thing he said there was always some caveat indicating something he'd like to change about me. If I'm so durn lovable why am I getting these little digs about my food being too spicy, my dog sleeping on my bed, the movies I watch to sleep, my time spent at volley ball, and/or everything else that I do? I'm happy with how Nurse Mom raise me. I'm going to raise the BS Flag on that PNNU and just call it like I see it. 


I think he'd rather Velcro himself to anyone (including me) than be alone. I'd rather be SINGLE then forced into a box. I guess I'll be standing by to stand by with a plunger. He's going down.