The Rebound Guy

My Blog Buddy Woody (If we ever meet in person, that town better watch out) wrote about breaking up a few days ago.  I'm guessing by what she wrote and what a few other women I know love and/or respect have said there is no practical use for the Rebound Guy. I disagree.

I had a Rebound Guy once. He was awesome (if there was a word I could possibly overuse). I met him at some large gathering of friends.  I'm pretty sure it was a Pub Crawl. Over the course of the evening someone asked me how I was handling my recent break up. 

Surrounded by a lot of mine and my ex's mutual friends, I bolstered my courage and said, "It fucking sucks I need a Rebound Guy." Those who were listening replied with cheers, toasting, and I think one even slapped me on the back.  All I really wanted was to get my potato wedges, it was a restaurant after all. Crawl back home and sleep. But I stayed.


As most pub crawls go they only get bigger as the night wears on. "J" my new friend, like any good predator sought me out attempted to reel me in. This chick has game though, he pretty much fell for what ever line I threw him, then kindly drove me all the way back to my house. No kiss, no hug, no nookie. Some where during the course if the Pub Crawl though I behaved really bad, was asked to put my boots back on by a bouncer, but other than that, and throwing my phone number out, I pretty much was a good girl.


"J" called me the next day.

He told me that he wouldn't mind being my rebound guy. He said he kind of gets that a lot with chicks. I kind of felt bad for him, but I realized the sight of runny mascara must turn him on. Who does that? Seriously, who dates chicks on the rebound? "May I introduce "J" the professional Rebound Guy.


You know if I wasn't so emotionally involved in my last relationship I think me and him would have had something to build on. Then again this guy likes emotionally uninvolved. Also he was a government contractor that traveled a lot so this is probably all he's got time for.


Anyway with that out of the way, we hit it off pretty well. After a month his job in Boston was over and I was back to my old self again. When he left I was like thanks, then to make it more awkward he said thanks too. He left on good terms, I was back to bad ass status and not feeling all down about myself.


Maybe I'm a bit off to think that getting a Rebound Guy is a good idea. I think you have to be clear headed about the situation. I do agree that whoring yourself out at the bar/club may be a very bad, and dangerous thing to do. But what if you are just used to having some one around? What if you seem to be stuck at those shindigs that are always you+1?  You can't go by yourself, that's lame. (Clearly I've evolved since this statement)


When you brake up with someone, you loose that hanging partner to all the cool events that couple go to. The invites start drying up and you're stuck on a Friday night drinking with your single friends who all hate being single. I wasn't ready to go back to that when my actual boyfriend left me. I needed a buffer. And "J" stepped right in.


I've had a few more break ups since that. I've handled each on of them differently. Of course each break up was different. One was a compulsive liar and cheat. One thanks to orders PCS'd to some other country. Another, through a mutual emerging dislike, just stopped calling and trust me when I say I was okay with that. No need for a Rebound Guy there. The one I actually waited to be physical with, turned out to be physically incompatible, that was awkward. 


The one that PCS'd to a different country would have required a Rebound Guy if I were in port as scheduled to see said ex off on his flight. But alas  my ship was tasked and we never got to say good bye. I had to get over that one all by myself. For him I totally would have found a Rebound Guy. If the stars and operational tasking aligned, I think would have been fine.


The point I'm trying to make is that you don't need a Rebound Guy to boost your confidence or your self esteem. You need a Rebound Guy because he's got no ties to you, your ex, your friends or anything else going on in your life. He fills that space your ex left, heaven forbid you guys had any shared plans. Plus Rebound Guy gradually sets you down as opposed to being abruptly dumped. As long as yous twos are clear on these facts it should be a pleasant experience.

One thing is golden here though: THE REBOUND GUY IS TEMPORARY. You don't date these folks indefinitely. When you've moved on from your ex, you move on from the Rebound Guy too. Don't be like this chick:

That shit ain't real, it never happens. When Hollywood starts talking about love again, there is always some poor woman that actually believes this. I believed E.T. was real until I rode the ride at Universal Studios too. Take the time after you've moved on and do your closet cleaning, revamp your wardrobe, change your hair color, take up yoga or what ever it is you do after the scab falls off. The point of this is to come out better than when you went in.




I'm off my soap box.

Am I Commitment Phobe? YES

In light of my last relationship, Mr. Unflushable (formerly PNNU), I've come to the conclusion that I might be a Commitment Phobe. To prove this and to maybe explain away my really awkward guilt for what I don't know, I decided to take a quiz.


Google that wonderful thing that now rules my life: automatically gives me FIVE. Stating with the first one over at www.beleifnet.com, some uber spiritual site, that I'll not willing wander on unless I'm doing research, like now. Anyway from a score of one to one hundred on the quiz, I got a 77. By two points that makes me a commitment phobe.

Not to just accept that as writ, I looked on to the next listing. Www.Cosmopolitan.com, is the be all end all of all things womanly(slutty), fashion, health, beauty, entertainment, and relationships. How many people and you're allowed to not raise your hand, have turned to the frilly pages of Cosmo to spice up your diet, wardrobe, sex life, or just to change your lipstick? I have and I'll probably do it again.  According to their quiz, not only am I one when it comes to relationships, I haven't committed to anything long term that involves strong bonds. I always assumed that I just had nomadic tendencies, and I liked to wander. According to them I am neither here nor there about my job, my home, or even my friends. Eghads, heaven help me, Cosmo pretty much called me a flake. If I had any deep rooted feelings I might just be insulted.


Then I decided I should check out the next listing. Www.askmarsvenus.com a site with some crusty looking man on it named John Gray PH. D seems pretty legitimate. I gear up for another round of questions. Why am I not surprised with the findings? Well honestly I pretty much had the idea in my head for a while now that I might be a little afraid to commit. So this should not come as a surprise. The quiz on this site asked some questions that I've heard already today, but then it delves deeper and I find myself hesitant to answer further. Nevertheless, I proceed and once again come up with the same  answers. To make matters worse it also labels me a flake. It says I shouldn't even own a dog, poor Chewy.


If you think I'm going to ask Oprah what she thinks of my relationship problems think again. You should remember how I feel about her and Tyler Perry. They can stuff it. I should look up Oprah's site, I just can't bring myself to do it.

What I do do, is take a break from the quizzing and look up Wikipedia's definition of commitment phobe. There isn't much there on it, and honestly I could have gotten that out of a dictionary. I was afraid that my face wold be pictured there though...




On www.mylifetime.com, I'm actually ready to settle down! They asked five simple questions. As opposed to tallying your response, it was a simple right or wrong. No subjective quiz should have answers like that but hey, it made me feel like there was a light at the end of the tunnel for me yet. Winning!


The last quiz come from www.queendom.com. A very extensive 38 question multiple choice and fill in the blank behemoth that really makes you feel like you've been probed. It was all fun and games though as I read the questions out loud to RFKAO. He already knows, based on everything we've talked about and experienced together that I do have some problems. Then again we met in rehab so that's pretty much a given. The results from that quiz are in the featured picture at the top by the way. Feel free to read through that. 


What these quizzes tell me is something I already knew, not to that extent, but I already knew. What the don't tell me is why?


www.lifescript.com may have the answer to that. This article I found is on the longish side and I admit I didn't read the whole thing. Thus I can't tell you whether I agree with it completely or not. I figured since it is about one in the morning though I should mention it then think more on the topic through out the day in hopes of figuring out why I won't allow myself to be happy.  I should start a journey of self discovery or something. Or maybe I should just go to bed. 


Regardless The Photo Prompt will be up later for the Flash Fiction. That I CAN commit to, only because I can see the benefits of exercising my brain. That and there's really no effort there, you just enjoy yourself.
  

Versus: Team Single matches up against The UNFLUSHABLE

PNNU (Person Nick Name Unknown) is a great guy. I like him, RFKAO likes him, Chewy likes him, even a few other guys that happen to have met him like him. Everyone freaking likes him.


So what is the problem? Well I met him on a dating website Plenty of Fish. In his profile it says looking to date but nothing serious. My profile says no relationship or commitment of any kind. The problem is that everyone can see him trying to make this friendship into something deeper.


I felt myself being backed into a corner and panicked. RFKAO can see it and despite how great the guy is, he knows that this is not what I want. I love having a side kick. Purely for selfish reasons though I'm thinking RFKAO would rather me not date this guy. But he's got a good reason for it. Let me explain it so you can all agree that this person, though super duper shiny is not gold.


PNNU is still out of town. Week one goes by with out much hooplah from my end. Then the weekend arrives and I give him a courtesy call. First thing out this guy's mouth is, "Why haven't I heard from you?" Seeing as me and the roomy were both eating and playing with our phones, he got to witness my face when that question came up. I answered honestly and then got a five minute speech about how much it bothered him that I didn't call.

WWWHHHOOOOAAAAAAOOOOWWWWWWW Golly. Am I dealing with one of those people? Thanks to Woody's Single Life, people like that have a name. Introducing the Stage Five Clinger. Granted Ms. Woody was referring to women when she did her series, a good 90% of the characteristics of a Stage Five Clingers are not gender specific.


RFKAO and the rest of the crew of gay men I seems to be amassing on my speed dial, have already pictured me miserable with kids or worse, married to this looser. There's jokes and they are not funny. The little stories I make in my head, that never get on paper, all feature a woman in a cage trying desperately to break out. Yeah, I don't feel trapped at all. Nawwppp Not at All

At this point though I wasn't feeling that freaked out, until the two week mark. I get the most vile text ever. "I MISS YOU" Spent one week chilling and getting to know each other then one week away. How does someone miss a person you just met? When I asked how that was possible I got the creeper warning that, I should just accept that that is how he feels. Oh and to never mention that again. Not only did I kill the moment, but I upset him for saying such blasphemy. I'll admit that Ms. Townes was at the bar with all her guys present and she was drinking. They all read the thread. We agreed that if he ever said that in person I had every right to defend myself. I'm thinking Judo Chop, like go Bruce LeRoy Green on his azz. I AM the Last Dragon, watch me Glow.

This weekend was supposed to bring the arrival of PNNU back to San Diego. With a lot of needling on his part he actually managed to commandeer my Karaoke night so that we could spend some time together. He ended up staying out of town. All the guys were like come to Karaoke anyway. Lucky me I felt horrible, I only called PNNU to tell him I was crying off. He got mad.


???

Why is he mad, he's still out of town? And to make matters worse he later demanded to know why I don't return his text messages in a timely manner. I can and did explain how I'm not glued to my phone, but it wasn't enough because the next time he texted me, he fucking timed me. Seriously guy? You timed me. You fucking timed me. What kind of silly insecure bull shit is this? 


You know little things like this make me angry. In my mind if little things about me are going to irk them, then it's the end of the freaking world when something big happens. My buddy who does drag every now and then, upgraded him from five to twelve when he heard about the timing thing. Instant upgrade. I love it.


I'm past uncomfortable with this. Time to make him go away. So I tried to call him. No answer. Tried to leave a voice mail, mailbox full. The only thing left to do is send a text. I'm not a big fan of giving someone the boot via text. Smacks of my late twenty's. Once you hit thirty, in my opinion, you have to do things face to face, or if you have an unflushable like on Coupling, it's probably better to do it where you are relatively safe. You all should watch that show Coupling, it's on the BBC, despite the fashion being ten years out of date, all the relationship woes are still pretty much current.


So I devolved a little bit and had to bang out a text which I feel terribly bad about, but as PNNU's preferred form of communication seems to be texting I guess I should conform just this once and hope he doesn't put himself back on a plane right now and truly becomes unflushable. 


I could have waited until he came back to town and done this properly. I really could have. I don't see the point of that since then I'd have to deal with more of the above. I can't do it. 


For every nice thing he said there was always some caveat indicating something he'd like to change about me. If I'm so durn lovable why am I getting these little digs about my food being too spicy, my dog sleeping on my bed, the movies I watch to sleep, my time spent at volley ball, and/or everything else that I do? I'm happy with how Nurse Mom raise me. I'm going to raise the BS Flag on that PNNU and just call it like I see it. 


I think he'd rather Velcro himself to anyone (including me) than be alone. I'd rather be SINGLE then forced into a box. I guess I'll be standing by to stand by with a plunger. He's going down.

Happy Hump Day

Well It's hump day again and this week Ms. Townes has a cold. Not good for business so you can guess I didn't work this morning. I did talk to Nurse Mom today, her only compliant is her hair is too long. You have to hear her: "Oh I hate my hair. It is soo long I can't curl it anymore. It gets in everything and I just can't stand it."

Really Mom? Ma do me a favor and come at me with a real complaint. Really I'm all smiles for her. 

What is so great about my mom is that she's like the best girlfriend I could ever have. Of course when she goes all mommy on me it's a whole different ball of wax, but for the most part she is great. I kind of pity anyone who doesn't have a friendly relationship with their mothers. I wonder why that is, let's ask Google.

The first article Google offers is from Reader's Digest's Stealth Health. (Click here for the whole article.) The title was 14 Ways to Have Healthy Relationships with Your Parents. Of course I'm looking particularly for relationships with your mom but hey it piqued my interest. I like number three: 3. Keep your sense of humor. When you’re dealing 

with your parents, laughter can be a lifesaver — both to help 

you handle the stress of dealing with sometimes crotchety 

individuals and to help you bond together. Tell a few jokes 

you know they’ll enjoy, share some comics from the paper or 

e-mail with them, watch the Letterman show together. If you 

can laugh together, you’re doing okay.

So I immediately want to call every parental unit I have,  just 

to tell this a really cheesy joke. I called my Dad, no answer, 

Step Mom, no answer, Uncle, no answer. Darn it was a really

good joke. I can't call Mom again because I already gave her 

an hour of my time. I should have done it then. Further down in the article it says something along the lines of not spending 

every waking minute talking to them. Clearly as much as I 

want to test this joke on someone, I know calling here would 

probably be... needy, stalker, I don't know- freakishly 

dependent???

I'm drinking some lemonade right now that is so good I have to tell you about it. 

Hurbert's Mango Lemonade. Like 

pouring glory down your gullet. 

And no I didn't get paid to say that. I 

wish, but really I was thirsty and this was 

in the fridge.

Anyway since Oprah pretty much rules 

the world I had to find out what she has to say about having a 

good relationship with your mother. OMoms -(eghads Oprah 

has everything) click here- has this article on the super 

longish side discussing boundaries, blah blah blah. I didn't 

read the whole thing just because its done as an interview 

between three people and my attention span is like that of a 

gold fish today.

The Article does hit on the pros and cons of technology in a 

mother daughter relationship. It also talks about how the 

relationship can change according to economy. Both of which 

I've had personal experiences. I have moved back in with my 

mother twice I think. And recently she did help out with 

getting me and RFKAO settled into the  new place.  Thank 

God I can pay her back. I refuse to let money change or 

relationship. By her riding rescue on my latest mishap only 

reinforces the role of parent for her when I'm more than 

grown. By my re-paying her I bring back the balance. Now 

getting her to accept the money will be a chore but totally 

worth it.

Technology, I've mentioned earlier is a little harder to 

finagle.  I love Facebook. I love the concept of the Social Network. Mom on the other hand is a little old school. Social 

Networking allows you 24 hour access to everyone all the 

time. She doesn't believe in that. I know where she is coming 

from, there really is no need to know that 

PowderPuffPinkDangerRanger45 can't sleep. But as 

remarked in OMoms: It can be a very good experience. It's another opportunity to mentor and coach your daughter. But again, it only works if you welcome them back as adults and not as children. So you're not telling them what to do, but [rather] you're providing them with opportunities to do more for themselves and manage their lives. 

Maintain healthy boundaries, and [make sure] that your daughter feels that, incrementally, she's able to become more and more self-sufficient.

Back to them boundaries again. I guess from these two articles I get two things. Mom and I are still growing and changing with the times. As long as we continue to change and never sty stagnant the relationship will thrive. 

Also I need to see her not as an equal because we never were, but something close to it. And so must she. The line is there and as long as we don't cross it we'll be fine.

Of course now that I have the authority from Reader's Digest and (spasm help me) Oprah, I wonder if my relationship with Nurse Mom is a healthy one.  Of course I see all kinds of flaws with it. Holy shite and muffins it's not perfect. I'm thinking trips back to Boston to have family  therapy sessions.

Grab the Atarax I feel an anxiety attack coming on. Does Nurse Mom think our relationship is flawed? Should I call her and tell her Oprah thinks the relationship needs improvement? But if I call her then Reader's Digest will get me for seeking approval from her. What do I do?

I finish this entry and get RFKAO to walk my dog with me, so we can smoke and pick up Chewy's poop at the same time.

Oh btw here's the joke:

Me: I know how to put an elephant in a Safeway bag?

You: How do you do that?

Me: Well, you take the F out of Safe, and the F out of Way.

You: There's no F in Way...

Me: (>_<)

Courtesy of Mr. Sulu aka George Takei.




Added Later. The LA Times just happened to post this article. Click here... I can call her!!!