Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Worst Scam Artist Ever

I keep terrible hours. Now that it's pushing 6 AM and I'd like to be getting some shut eye. Unfortunately, one last check of my email has me awake and fairly alert. My junk file inbox is usually filled with crap I never need, newsletters from sites I no longer visit, or random people trying to sell me their nieces and daughters, mail order bride style. This one came from a "university undergraduate."

Miss Catherine Koffi sent me not one, but two emails; both poorly written and incoherent. Normally, I delete these, because they are obviously phishing emails. This one was done so terribly, that I had to share it with you. I became incensed. Who are these people? Do they (the infamous they) think we (the royal we) are so stupid, that they can just write anything, and we'll just do it? I've officially lost all faith in humanity.

Really, all faith...

Notice the body of the email is in the subject line. Garbage, just plain garbage.

I, of course wrote a critique of the email, from it's poor structure, terrible plot, awful use of grammar, to it's non-linear concept. I don't expect you to read the above, but if you did I'm sorry.  It needed to be shown to the world. I may even Facebook it later.

Would you like me to edit this letter for grammar? It really sucks. I think a part of my brain seized, trying to understand what you’re attempting to say. Look, if you haven’t mastered the language, please don’t use it. Try using the language that is native to you. It makes for a more professional look. It gives coherence to your thought process and a level of intelligence. Also while I’m correcting your presentation; you placed your entire message in the subject line. This leads me to think that you are truly unfamiliar with not only email, but computers, as well. 

You’re obviously running a phishing scam. Fishing is the act of acquiring fish by various means of aquatic capture. Phishing on the other hand is the act of sending mass emails to unsuspecting people looking for financial assistance in a matter, with the eventual goal of a promised pay off that’s many times larger than the initial investment. In my personal opinion this is a very lazy version of a confidence scheme. A true con-person would be ashamed to consider you of the same ilk.

Your story, if it can be called that, needs work. Harkening back to the issue of clarity, I don’t know what you want from me. You say, your father passed of your father. What does that even mean? You claim that your deceased father told you he left money in two metallic boxes. Great for you. You also state that you’re 19 years old and an university undergraduate. The proper term is, “I’m an undergraduate at university.” State the name of the company, bank, storage facility, or whatever the name of the place, where the boxes are located. Being that you ARE 19 years of age, you should be able to access these boxes if you have a lawyer present, or if you furnish documentation proving your father is in fact deceased. If you have access to seven million US dollars, you do not need my assistance. You need a financial advisor. I would suggest a company that does that for you, but I’m not familiar with your area.

As a recap, I suggest mastering the language in which you choose to operate, learn how to properly send an email, and get a better story together. I hope that the information I’ve supplied helps you to become a better scam artist. God knows I grow tired of reading this crap. I feel like you’re not even trying anymore. 

Have a great day, and I wish you the best. 
Yours truly,

A Grammar Nazi

I think I was brutally honest. I feel that this presentation was horrid, and I'm insulted that it came to me looking like this. You can call me a snob for feeling this way, but I think, probably naively so, that I'm better than that; as is the rest of the planet.

If one wants to fool others into giving up their hard earned money, at least have the decency to fool them nicely. This shit is just embarrassing.

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