Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Dating is: Me Totally Judging You

I love going on Okcupid.com for good  no reason. I like to see what's out there and I like talking to folks who wander in and out of my peripheral. Today I got a sincerely awesome message that while it was a little too forward for my taste, still demanded I respond with honesty. 

Hello. I just wanted to stop by and say that you are VERY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! I know this seems a little off the wall but i would really like to get to know you. You can feel free to skype me at BlahBlahBlah or text me anytime at MehMeh-MehMehMeh. Please dont think i am strange giving out my info but to be quite honest, im not here for games. I really wanna get to know someone and possibly share my life with someone. God1 has been good to me even through all of the problems i have been through and i call this TAKING A STEP OF FAITH2 if that makes sense. Anyway, God3 bless you and i truly hope to hear back from you, but if i dont then i understand but atleast im putting myself out there. 
Showers Of His Blessings4

P.S. I know the distance between us is great but i must be honest with you. If God5 brings 2 people together, not even distance can stop his plan6 and if God7 were in this i would come to YOU believe it or not. I try not to look at the natural and just see through his eyes8 in whom ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. God9 bless you and i do hope to hear from you. Im so ready for what God10 has for me no matter what....

Clearly I've edited this a little bit.

The first thing that comes to mind after reading such an introduction is Bible Thumper. Now hold on a minute, don't get your King James wrinkled. Let me explain why I thought that.

Urban Dictionary has 22 definitions of Bible Thumper, (go ahead and look through them, very interesting) the ones that matter here are 6, 7, 18 and 20. Basically a person who lives by and is guided by the Lord, or basically any outwardly proud uber Christian. Whatever get's you up in the morning mate.

This would not be a bad thing if I were as committed a Bible Thumper as is my friend here. I am not, but I had to let the guy down easy. Or what I thought was easy:

I'm sorry but you and I will not mesh. After reading your message and your profile I have judged you to be a Bible Thumping Jesus Freak. I'm not insulting your Bible Thump, it makes up a lot of who you are. I can not be a party to that kind of proud faith in something that in my mind, depends wholly on mob interpretation. 
I hope that you find the one for you, but please continue your search.

You think that was harsh? Now that I look at it on my blog it may be a little harsh. Oh well. I really didn't expect a response because no one likes rejection.   But:

u make absolutely no sense and u r pre judging me but oooooook

Maybe it doesn't make sense, maybe it does. Here's why I'm a little perturbed: In looking at my response I specifically used the word judged. I didn't say think, I said judged. As in - to infer, think, or hold as an opinion. I said this purposely to make him understand that I have made my opinion and I am deciding not to pursue a relationship based on this first impression. I'm entitled to do that. Did you count how many times  Divine Intervention/Power was mentioned? I already did that for you, a whooping 10 times.

I may have read that response as accusatory, but I will not be made to feel guilty because I exercised my right to choose a suitor. My ego needed to nipped this guy in the bud.  In that poorly formed 13-ish word statement was a guy who didn't like me being truthful in my response. This guy despite only communicating with me twice had managed to get under my skin even though I had no intention of letting him near me. 

My ego demanded closure and the last word:

I am prejudging you, I don't see the problem. I'm being honest with you, rather than make something up and lie. I CAN lie to you and say something that has nothing to do with how many times you made a reference to God, his blessings and HIS plan, but would you really (besatisfied with that? 
Look my friend, if there were something else to hinder a relationship between to two of us I'd say that too. Regardless of political, religious, social status or superficial reasoning, I will always be honest enough to recognize what will and will not work. It is up to you to acknowledge that when you put yourself, publicly on a website, you will be judge(ed), and you will not like it sometimes. 
So accusing me of prejudging you, when that's exactly how online dating works, means that you're not understanding the fundamentals here. We are all prejudged. You need to get accustomed to that. 
I haven't heard back yet. 

As I said this is online dating. To me online dating is something like matching shoes to an outfit. What
well works  today may not be the appropriate shoe tomorrow. Some styles you just know will not work well with your ensemble.  Some will break your foot. The same rule applies to men, or women if that is your thing. I'm not particularly big on my faith in God, so a Bible Thumper isn't really going to work for me. They have needs I can't fulfill and I have too much stock in Science and my own abilities to put my faith and everything else on a person that might not exist. In other words if Le-Derp was a pair of shoes he'd be painful and not go with anything in my closet. There's no point to owning them (shoes). 

Is there in error in my judgment for not picking up the bad shoes? No, and a good girl friend will tell you that a good shoes is 100 times better than six cute shoes that feel bad. So why should I be ashamed to judge a person if there is a possibility of us dating? 

I think it sucks that we're taught not to judge when we do it everyday.  Job interviews, book choices, television, the clothes we wear, the people with whom we associate ourselves are all based on choices/ judgements. When did having an opinion about these, become a bad thing? When did voicing them become a bad thing? I don't know.

I guess this concludes my rant on dating for the week. I hope I made a point in all that.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Friday Fictioneer Photo - The Long Weekend - It's not what you think.

I'm from the city and I love it. I'll admit that once in a while when I leave the city I get a little homesick for the noise. I don't miss the dirty air though. Or the rude people, or the street vendor food. I take that back I love street vendor food.

Copyright Douglas M Macllroy
The Long Weekend - 102 words

“What’s that smell?” Shayna gagged.
“It’s called, clean air.” Marissa inhaled deeply.  
“Well, I don’t like it.”
“Sucks for you. You need to get out of the city more often.” Maybe taking Shayna to the farm was a bad idea.
“For what? Hills? Grass? The grass looks dead and there’s no cell reception.”
“But look a horse!” She pointed to the field, which was pretty brown.
“Oh wow, a stupid horse.” Sarcasm, not necessary right now.
“You’re blowing this.”
“Blow me.” 
“What’s it doing?” Marissa ignored her.
 “Ha, Ha, maybe it’s watering the grass.” This was going to be a long weekend.

Check out the rest of the Blog Hop over on Rochelle's WordPress Blog. Of feel free to lurk on the Facebook Page. Happy Reading

Monday, March 18, 2013

That Guy you, ever and ever, regret meeting.

I was reading Girls Got Shine today and her blog talked about that mini-relationship. Everyone who's ever done online dating has done this at least once. That guy or gal you meet online, you both initially hit it off  enough to meet in person. But once you do meet you either sort of just let the person fade into the background or you just plain outright don't mesh as well. It happens and there's nothing to be ashamed about.

I thought about the last guy I actually went on a date with. It was terrible and heaven forbid I ever see that guy again I might cower and run. I'm not afraid, mind you, of him. I just don't want the headache.

Ms. Shine thinks that the people you have mini-relationships with have just as much affect on you as the folks you date long term. I agree. The last guy I mini-dated was a migrant farm worker. He was so far out of my league that I took pity on him and cooked him a meal before sending on his merry way. That is not the life for me, nor do I want that in my choice of partners. But the stories I had for that guy lasted me a good two weeks at Karaoke night.

I'm going to take it a step further and say that the folks you MEET will have some impact on who you date. You don't really have to date them; you just have to talk to them, read their profile. There is a reason, and it might not be listed,  why that person is still single.

My personal favorite ones are the guys who seem nice at the start but somewhere in the conversation phase he says:
Like I said on FaceBook back in June, I'm better off in a bar.

But the upside is that when you meet people like that you only remember them for a short period of time. You can and do move on from that with some small lesson learned and keep it moving like Ms. Shine said.

The idea though is to never give up on yourself, never let yourself go, and most important reach out.

I know what you're thinking. "Why Ms. Townes, you haven't been on a date in ages."

And you'd be right. What you don't see is that I've been busy doing and sometimes not doing things.

Dating is like mining for diamonds.  You can spend all day in the mud and get nothing then, HUZZAH you have something great. In other words dating doesn't pay often but it pays really well when it does.

I still stand by my statement. Reach out. They don't bite unless you let them, or you like that sort of thing.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

An Honest Thief - Friday Fictioneer

I guess I should post my 100 words. I'd been thinking about it all last week and sort of wrote about it a little in my journal. I bring back Ajax and Nitya this week.

Please enjoy : An Honest Thief
Copyright Lora Mitchell

“He wasn’t awake so I left them by the window.” Ajax slouched in the faded seat.

“Why lilies? Aren't those for the dead and the innocent?” Nitya asked. The scent of lilies lingered in the air around him. She disliked the smell.

“He was a good man.”

“He is a thief Ajax.”

“Nitya.” Ajax warned. He tapped the wheel.

“He’s a master thief Ajax.”

“But he was an honest man. He taught me everything I know.” Nitya had to admit that old Trick was a good person. 

“Why are you talking like he’s gone? He’s only sick.”

“Because he’s dying.”

Check out Rochelle's word press blog for more stories in the Blog Hop.

Migraine - Let me tell you how I feel.

I blame you. And you get no thanks... 
Who? This guy? No this guy.

This migraine. 
Yep migraine, you've ruined so many awesome moments. You make my dog's light patter on the rug sound like metal grating on metal. His very dog like breathing feels like super dry hot dusty clay raking over my face. The ticking of the clocks, murderous death counts banging thunderous echos through my so quietly dark home. You make staring at my computer torture the glare alone makes my neck throb. No thanks to you, Migraine, what was a great day has turned to an absolute SHITE of a night.

And while I lay on my bed with a wet rag between my teeth trying to be comfortable. You, migraine, wreak havoc squeezing and wrenching my weakened brain. There is no escape. There is no mercy. There's just you and me in a battle for supremacy over my body. 

You win. Every time.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Watching old movies and just not getting it.

Thanks to the power of Netflix I've been on an old movie binge. I'm going with that because writing "I'm depressed and haven't been productive," just doesn't sound as exciting. Anyway I recently watched watched three movies that really had me wondering: What is wrong with these women???

Let me explain.

Netflix has this thing that will sort through your likes and guess what movies you might like. Kind of like how Facebook takes your likes and tries to suggestively advertise to you and fails miserably. Well Netflix does actually do a pretty decent job, sometimes and I found myself watching Omen.

I have never actually watched Omen so I got a great hoot out of Atticus Finch trying to kill a five year old. I guess as an actor he did  his best??? But that's not my beef.

My Beef is with Lee Remick. Lee who is from Massachusetts like me, plays the mom, Katherine,  in this movie and my gawd do I hate how helpless she is.  I absolutely do not understand how a woman can be so hands off with her own child that she can let another woman tell her what is right and what is wrong.

What I don't understand and it starts right at the beginning is how it takes almost a day for her to see her child after giving birth. Obviously for the story's sake we need time for the father to switch out the babies but can this have ever happened in real life without the mother saying something? And why didn't he just go in and tell her in the first place? "Hey our kid died but we can get this one for free because no one knows it exist...." Problem solved. She may have objected at first but her character was malleable enough to probably eventually go along.

Then, when we get the the part where we meet the new Nanny, I'm even more upset. Now both parents share this epic fail moment but I want to focus on Katherine. The Nanny looks creepy, acts creepy and insists on meeting the child alone. C'mon Katherine you have been managing with out a Nanny just fine since the last one bought the farm. You and your hubby have already deduced that neither of you called the agency. You're just going to smile when she hands you references and let her walk through your house and close the door between you and your only son? Those references are fake everyone but you knows it. FAIL: I've seen drunk military wives with more sense than you when it comes to your child.

Disclaimer: I'm not attacking military wives with the above statement I am attacking the stereotype.

I hate to say this but I'm glad she died. If they gave her character even one more thought I think I might have hurled. I can't relate to her. I can't relate at all to her casually distant approach to raising her son. She was a house wife. Why did she need a nanny in the first place?

May because I'm poor, I just don't understand letting some one else raise my kids when I have the time to do it.  It's just a movie so I'll get over it.

Netflix then suggests I watch a documentary about Roman Polanski. I have no idea who this guy is except for the fact that he was married to the blond in Valley of the Dolls. Now there was a movie that made me wonder. I hope that's not what men think of us... So I watched it and I feel nothing.  Out of all the movies this guy made I was only interested in watching Rosemary's Baby. I added it to my instant que and watched a day later.

Frankly I couldn't even enjoy the movie much. That old woman from Harold and Maude was in it though. I think she does eccentric old lady really well. But the main character, Rosemary, I just can't subscribe to that kind of lack of will.

I watched her submit to everyone else's demands but her own. Even when she tried to get away, she ultimately put herself back in a position where she and her child were helpless. I find a lot of older movies portray women this way.

Perfect example during the movie, actually the whole movie, but I'll cut it down. The MC, Rosemary, let's her husband tell her, she doesn't taste anything funny, when she clearly feels like there was something wrong with the food she was given. And of course to make him happy she eats it anyway setting in motion the rest of the movie.  Oh my goodness I think right then and there I began to not like her. I can't picture myself in a situation like that. I can't imagine myself in a situation like that. I can't fathom anyone who'd want to try to place me in a situation like that. The food taste funny?  You don't believe me? You eat it. I'll get something else. I'll pass. There, the whole movie, done, over, problem solved.

I don't want a medal for saying I would have handled these characters differently. I just want an explanation as to why these cult classics make women out to be such dunderheads? I am confused and slightly insulted.

Monday, March 4, 2013

The one I promise to fill

I've been offline journaling lately hence the absolute dustiness of my blog lately. My father sent me some money a few weeks ago for no reason. I am not complaining about this. I took that money and invested in two things: A self healing cutting mat for my work room and a blank journal.

I have a bunch of journals truth be told. I never ever fill them. For someone that remotely claims to be a writer that is just sad. But I have a plan for this one. I want to fill it up. So I take it with me. I put it in my bag and write in it on the bus. I write in it in the bathroom. That may sound gross and possibly too personal but I have some really good ideas on the can. I really try to have it with me everywhere I am.

And I love this journal. I love it because it's soft covered and durable. Nothing like the hard books that take up valuable space on my book shelf. You can tell that I love this journal because of the grime on the used pages. You can see just how far into this book I've made it just by the little fray marks in each corner. I love opening it and seeing the different pens and colored ink I used on the pages. How soft the spine is getting with each opening and closing. I like crossing my eyes and just seeing the rise and fall of the pen strikes on the page. I even love the multiple strikes whenever I get stuck trying to spell something over and over again.  I love my journal so much that I'm going to send it to my father when I fill it.

I don't expect him to read it. Heck I think I'd applaud him if he even tried. I want him to have it because he was the reason I was in the store where I got it in the first place. I honestly would have never even thought I needed a journal until I passed by this one on the way to the register:

How can you not love the Gama-Go Yeti? Either way the plan is to fill the journal with all my hopes, fears, frustrations and concerns and send it to Dad as a present. I hate to say that I'm almost to the halfway point and I don't think I've owned this little book six weeks.

I am hoping that by announcing my plans for my journal that I'll slow down and not be as eager. I might even forget about it ( I doubt that).

I read a study, don't ask what study, that said that people who announce their plans never actually follow through with them because in their brian they've already accomplished what they set out to do.  You know I can believe that.  For this project that seems to be spiraling out of control, fast before my eyes, I want to slow the process a bit so that I can enjoy writing just to be writing. I want to let my brain get back into the habit of having something to say other than 100 words or the occasional blip on Facebook, Google+ and all the other social medias.

Writing is a good thing and no matter how much or little I have to share I want to keep sharing it in anyway that is at my disposal.
But this little Yeti book is just for you Dad.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Thank god for Spanx.

For two weeks I've been challenging myself by attempting a sewing pattern from 1956. If I were a good and steady person I would have said I'm not ready for this challenge skill wise. But I'm not and I like to make things hard for myself.

Several weeks back a good friend of mine and fashion designer showed me an awesome tip on making clothing your size. I found this tip invaluable at the time since I ordered a skirt from Pin-Up Girl on clearance only to find out that it doesn't fit. I had the sadz until he showed me how I can copy the heck out of it and make one that does fit me.

(I could have just went on a diet.)

But being a good friend and a better teacher than youtube, my friend,  sent me on my way. I made my skirt and moved on to something straight out of MadMen. I wanna be Joannie and Peggy smashed together. Let's call her either Jeggy or Poannie. Go with Poannie.

I even posted my progress earlier as a pre-prompt for the Fictioneers Submission. It was kicking my ass then and continued to do that to me all the way to the bitter end. I wanted to toss the whole thing but the Fictioneers being super supportive of everyone who does the blog hop, encouraged me to continue.

Frankly after I realized that I'd modified every part of the dress except the collar I should have just gave up then. I figured a way around that. I decided that I want to add a pair of frogs to it but I have to wait on that I haven't been to the sewing store. Other than not having the frogs to close off the top it is a done garment.

Thank God for Spanx though because I can't even wear the darn thing without them. The dress plus the lining is so damn snug I honestly can't move much without some kind of control something underneath it. Yeah Retro dress = Retro Size. I'll have to remake this dress again. Not just because of the size issue, but because there's a quarter inch gap under my arm where the side zipper is supposed to meet the top seam.

But the Million dollar question is: Is this a wearable garment?

You tell me.