Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Dating is: Me Totally Judging You

I love going on Okcupid.com for good  no reason. I like to see what's out there and I like talking to folks who wander in and out of my peripheral. Today I got a sincerely awesome message that while it was a little too forward for my taste, still demanded I respond with honesty. 

Hello. I just wanted to stop by and say that you are VERY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! I know this seems a little off the wall but i would really like to get to know you. You can feel free to skype me at BlahBlahBlah or text me anytime at MehMeh-MehMehMeh. Please dont think i am strange giving out my info but to be quite honest, im not here for games. I really wanna get to know someone and possibly share my life with someone. God1 has been good to me even through all of the problems i have been through and i call this TAKING A STEP OF FAITH2 if that makes sense. Anyway, God3 bless you and i truly hope to hear back from you, but if i dont then i understand but atleast im putting myself out there. 
Showers Of His Blessings4

P.S. I know the distance between us is great but i must be honest with you. If God5 brings 2 people together, not even distance can stop his plan6 and if God7 were in this i would come to YOU believe it or not. I try not to look at the natural and just see through his eyes8 in whom ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. God9 bless you and i do hope to hear from you. Im so ready for what God10 has for me no matter what....

Clearly I've edited this a little bit.

The first thing that comes to mind after reading such an introduction is Bible Thumper. Now hold on a minute, don't get your King James wrinkled. Let me explain why I thought that.

Urban Dictionary has 22 definitions of Bible Thumper, (go ahead and look through them, very interesting) the ones that matter here are 6, 7, 18 and 20. Basically a person who lives by and is guided by the Lord, or basically any outwardly proud uber Christian. Whatever get's you up in the morning mate.

This would not be a bad thing if I were as committed a Bible Thumper as is my friend here. I am not, but I had to let the guy down easy. Or what I thought was easy:

I'm sorry but you and I will not mesh. After reading your message and your profile I have judged you to be a Bible Thumping Jesus Freak. I'm not insulting your Bible Thump, it makes up a lot of who you are. I can not be a party to that kind of proud faith in something that in my mind, depends wholly on mob interpretation. 
I hope that you find the one for you, but please continue your search.

You think that was harsh? Now that I look at it on my blog it may be a little harsh. Oh well. I really didn't expect a response because no one likes rejection.   But:

u make absolutely no sense and u r pre judging me but oooooook

Maybe it doesn't make sense, maybe it does. Here's why I'm a little perturbed: In looking at my response I specifically used the word judged. I didn't say think, I said judged. As in - to infer, think, or hold as an opinion. I said this purposely to make him understand that I have made my opinion and I am deciding not to pursue a relationship based on this first impression. I'm entitled to do that. Did you count how many times  Divine Intervention/Power was mentioned? I already did that for you, a whooping 10 times.

I may have read that response as accusatory, but I will not be made to feel guilty because I exercised my right to choose a suitor. My ego needed to nipped this guy in the bud.  In that poorly formed 13-ish word statement was a guy who didn't like me being truthful in my response. This guy despite only communicating with me twice had managed to get under my skin even though I had no intention of letting him near me. 

My ego demanded closure and the last word:

I am prejudging you, I don't see the problem. I'm being honest with you, rather than make something up and lie. I CAN lie to you and say something that has nothing to do with how many times you made a reference to God, his blessings and HIS plan, but would you really (besatisfied with that? 
Look my friend, if there were something else to hinder a relationship between to two of us I'd say that too. Regardless of political, religious, social status or superficial reasoning, I will always be honest enough to recognize what will and will not work. It is up to you to acknowledge that when you put yourself, publicly on a website, you will be judge(ed), and you will not like it sometimes. 
So accusing me of prejudging you, when that's exactly how online dating works, means that you're not understanding the fundamentals here. We are all prejudged. You need to get accustomed to that. 
I haven't heard back yet. 

As I said this is online dating. To me online dating is something like matching shoes to an outfit. What
well works  today may not be the appropriate shoe tomorrow. Some styles you just know will not work well with your ensemble.  Some will break your foot. The same rule applies to men, or women if that is your thing. I'm not particularly big on my faith in God, so a Bible Thumper isn't really going to work for me. They have needs I can't fulfill and I have too much stock in Science and my own abilities to put my faith and everything else on a person that might not exist. In other words if Le-Derp was a pair of shoes he'd be painful and not go with anything in my closet. There's no point to owning them (shoes). 

Is there in error in my judgment for not picking up the bad shoes? No, and a good girl friend will tell you that a good shoes is 100 times better than six cute shoes that feel bad. So why should I be ashamed to judge a person if there is a possibility of us dating? 

I think it sucks that we're taught not to judge when we do it everyday.  Job interviews, book choices, television, the clothes we wear, the people with whom we associate ourselves are all based on choices/ judgements. When did having an opinion about these, become a bad thing? When did voicing them become a bad thing? I don't know.

I guess this concludes my rant on dating for the week. I hope I made a point in all that.

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