Sometime over the weekend I was approached by a man the same age as my mother. He asked me how my day was, then began talking about his daughter and grand children. I’m a fairly nice person sometimes, so I let him talk. He went on to say his daughter was 30 and she was dating a very bad man. I appropriately pitied him for his familial troubles and let him ramble on.
I guess the man decided that I was good enough, because after he exhausted the topic of his daughter he began asking about me. Where was my man, how old am I, do I have kids. He was shocked that I’d managed to go 32 years on this planet and not have kids.
WHY IS THIS SO ODD?
But seeing as I’m such a freaking gem, he decided he had a chance and said: “I’m 55, am I too old for you?”
“Yes, yes sir you are.” I said this with all the solemn respect I’m supposed to have for my elders. Because really, he’s the same age as my mother. He didn’t age like my mother who worked out all the time and took great care of her skin and was a very healthy vibrant woman.
But I’m not rejecting this man because he didn’t take care of himself. I’m rejecting him because he is 55, I don’t see him as a remotely sexual being, and he told me about his 30 year old daughter. I pictured my father talking to some woman I didn’t know about me, I didn’t like it.
So what do you think motivated him to even think of dating me? I couldn’t tell you. So I asked a few people on Facebook and Google+. Why do older men chase younger women? I asked the men, and like everything I ask, only women have the answer. Because we ROCK, YEAH.
The women all pretty much say the same thing: Because men want to feel young again. Or they don’t find older women attractive. Well, ladies it’s not looking good for the fellas, is it. Maybe we should start adopting more pets.
So some guy on Jezebel.com says that it’s a kind of validation of a man’s vitality or a presentation of power. I can dig this because the older I get the easier becomes for me to spot the doddering old fool among the pack. That whole crisis part of midlife crisis thing. The identity of the man is changing so in order for him to not appear feeble he finds younger women.
So here is where I break out my inner cynic and scream "young and dumb" at the top of my lungs. I had a friend who would only date older men after high school. I mean, she dated guys in their late 30’s and early 40’s. My immature brain pictured wrinkly penises and moley balls. I could not condone the practice no matter how much money they threw at her. It was not worth the sacrifice. Which is probably why I was always broke, that hind sight will get you. Obviously I’m aware that men that age aren’t all that bad, but to my 19 year old brain...you can imagine.
I think and I’m allowed to be wrong that older men like younger women because they haven’t developed into a complete adult just yet. The body is there, it’s just that the mind isn’t quite done. I’m obviously talking about teenagers and college freshmen here. For these women an older man is the “perfect guide” to take her through the new and exciting world where all the big kids play. Suddenly the man gets to re -experience all the same things from a fresh new perspective wrapped neatly in a tight young body. He even may score some cool points among his friends if he dresses her correctly.
We’ll get back to that in a sec but I had to share a little about this completely cockamamy, in my opinion, scientific approach to the question of why old men date younger women. The Science Blog theorized that it’s actually a way to combat natural selection. MY ASS!
Aging men who mate with fertile young females actually increase the life expectancy of the species. I’m not quoting here I’m summarizing, you can read it if you want later. The male having lived for such a long time, must have some genetic advantage that passes to the next generation both male and female thus increasing the life expectancy of the species.
Why do you think I am vehemently opposed to this idea? Well for one old men don’t just chase young girls. That’s only one demographic. What about old men chasing young boys (young men for the insecure of the bunch)? A whole different set of rules to play with? Not really. Two these guys aren't looking to pass on more genes and contribute to the species.
Some dude on the Frisky.com pretty much said it’s because guys want to feel young. So we are back at youth roller derby now. I mean there’s mention as well of that whole need to reproduce but men old enough to be dads, usually are and that make this entirely way more creepy.
But the gist of what I’m finding out is that men don’t want to be looked as as weak, silly (I beg to differ), unattractive, or harmless. They want that association of sexy, dangerous, youthful, visceral, they want validation that they are commanding. And for a good number of men it’s not hard to pull off on someone who has never lived outside the bubble of youth. That Frisky article paints all young females as victims of men that strangely reminds me of Mr. Paper Trail (a fictional person fashioned after every Hannah Barbara Villain ever made). I like the Frisky article though, it actually lays some of the blame on Hugh Hefner. Wiki has his net worth at 43 million dollars in 2009. That can't be right.
But what about my case? That man was 55 to my 32. I’m supposedly peaking. He’s past his prime, his prime was over before I was born so what then? Let’s be honest, I might kill the poor guy if I decided to hope on his geezer stick and women my age are all peaking right now. My understanding is, women in their 30’s actually demand not only more sex than the younger nubile counterparts but better quality orgasms. We’re embracing our sexuality and some even take the cougar mobile ourselves to satisfy our needs. Clearly this man might need a waiver. But instead I’ll make a guess.
Maybe he wants to seem like a protector? Roll with me on this. This is for the guys out there who actually believe in taking care of a woman. A man that age looks at a woman my age and depending on each person will see a person that needs or does not need his help. Anything the older man offers will be considered a gift.
Not feeling that? Let me try again.
I’m younger than him but not so young that I’m completely inept. I can and have survived on my own for a while. So my affections if I decide to show it would be more “genuine”. ... OR... Maybe he thinks I find myself so unattractive that I’ll take what ever comes my way. So I’ll be extra nice because I’m not getting any younger.
Not liking that either. Okay one more shot then I’m fresh out ideas.
Maybe he just liked me.
Regardless this isn’t about why he approached me. It’s about why older men in general chase youth. Maybe it’s my jaded heart that says the youth is easier to lie to. Anyone who’s been on the dating scene, at the bars, clubs or gyms, can tell you that there aren’t any new lines out there. After a while the all recycle and then the whole dating experience becomes one blur after another of meaningless conversation, even more meaningless sex and the worst thing ever, settling.
I think the settling is what does it. Suddenly the idea of aging scares men and they do all the same things. They take up a new hobby, buy a new car, exchange the old girl for a new one. There is never anything wrong with the old but the new is exciting. The young is fresh, innocent, untarnished in mind or body. It’s seductive and challenging, but not to challenging. If molding a young woman into the perfect arm candy were lots of work I wouldn’t be writing this.
And maybe certain guys just like young women. Some times it might be the simplest of answers.
Somewhere in this article I used information from this web publication. I can't really say what part but I need to give credit.
I also used materials from here too. If I missed something please don't be mad.