I desired to meet people yesterday so bad that I invited myself to a charity event. Sadly it was at a bar, but I went and had two Sprites.
Funny thing I'd been thinking this same scenario in my mind for as long as I've been living here in San Diego. Of course the AA-ers would think this is a bad idea. But for some reason I kept thinking I could and would do this.
So I gathered a bag of item's I'll never wear again and trotted my happy sober self on to the Foundry. It's some where on University, tiny place and fairly decent food.
Here I am surrounded by the sights and smells and sounds associated with social inebriation. I introduced myself to one of the organizers then promptly make an attempt to get my Sprite. No go, fine, plan B. have a smoke outside.
Call me crazy, but I kept picturing in my head me standing outside a bar with a bunch of drunk smokers. And I wanted to experience this. Am I relapsing? The relapse always happens in your mind long before the first drink, so is this it? I don't know.
But outside the bar I'm talking to people both sober and not so sober and I'm having a great time. About an hour after arriving I'm actually comfortable being around the booze. Granted it helps that this place markets itself as a trendy beer and pizza place, since I'm a liquor and wine girl the temptation isn't blatantly displayed. I even broached that I'm a recovering alcoholic, this being San Diego fully of super friendly people, I was actually well received.
I felt totally empowered in my sobriety to think that I can survive the social scene and not be awkward about my "handicap" with alcohol. The only dark lining around this bright cloud is the fact that I will not always have the will power to resist. Not every day can I make the right decision to not drink. My celebration only reinforces my need stay in the program for the rest of my life. (I sound like some brainwashed freak I know)
That and the fact that with out booze I'm still an interesting person. I even managed to find another writer in all this. I hope to get together and do the whole writer thing, I'm really excited.
I'm going to go all Ka-Bar (Katie a good friend) and say that Friday night was a WIN. FACT!!!