Sunday, July 1, 2012

The Rebound Guy

My Blog Buddy Woody (If we ever meet in person, that town better watch out) wrote about breaking up a few days ago.  I'm guessing by what she wrote and what a few other women I know love and/or respect have said there is no practical use for the Rebound Guy. I disagree.

I had a Rebound Guy once. He was awesome (if there was a word I could possibly overuse). I met him at some large gathering of friends.  I'm pretty sure it was a Pub Crawl. Over the course of the evening someone asked me how I was handling my recent break up. 

Surrounded by a lot of mine and my ex's mutual friends, I bolstered my courage and said, "It fucking sucks I need a Rebound Guy." Those who were listening replied with cheers, toasting, and I think one even slapped me on the back.  All I really wanted was to get my potato wedges, it was a restaurant after all. Crawl back home and sleep. But I stayed.

As most pub crawls go they only get bigger as the night wears on. "J" my new friend, like any good predator sought me out attempted to reel me in. This chick has game though, he pretty much fell for what ever line I threw him, then kindly drove me all the way back to my house. No kiss, no hug, no nookie. Some where during the course if the Pub Crawl though I behaved really bad, was asked to put my boots back on by a bouncer, but other than that, and throwing my phone number out, I pretty much was a good girl.

"J" called me the next day.

He told me that he wouldn't mind being my rebound guy. He said he kind of gets that a lot with chicks. I kind of felt bad for him, but I realized the sight of runny mascara must turn him on. Who does that? Seriously, who dates chicks on the rebound? "May I introduce "J" the professional Rebound Guy.

You know if I wasn't so emotionally involved in my last relationship I think me and him would have had something to build on. Then again this guy likes emotionally uninvolved. Also he was a government contractor that traveled a lot so this is probably all he's got time for.

Anyway with that out of the way, we hit it off pretty well. After a month his job in Boston was over and I was back to my old self again. When he left I was like thanks, then to make it more awkward he said thanks too. He left on good terms, I was back to bad ass status and not feeling all down about myself.

Maybe I'm a bit off to think that getting a Rebound Guy is a good idea. I think you have to be clear headed about the situation. I do agree that whoring yourself out at the bar/club may be a very bad, and dangerous thing to do. But what if you are just used to having some one around? What if you seem to be stuck at those shindigs that are always you+1?  You can't go by yourself, that's lame. (Clearly I've evolved since this statement)

When you brake up with someone, you loose that hanging partner to all the cool events that couple go to. The invites start drying up and you're stuck on a Friday night drinking with your single friends who all hate being single. I wasn't ready to go back to that when my actual boyfriend left me. I needed a buffer. And "J" stepped right in.

I've had a few more break ups since that. I've handled each on of them differently. Of course each break up was different. One was a compulsive liar and cheat. One thanks to orders PCS'd to some other country. Another, through a mutual emerging dislike, just stopped calling and trust me when I say I was okay with that. No need for a Rebound Guy there. The one I actually waited to be physical with, turned out to be physically incompatible, that was awkward. 

The one that PCS'd to a different country would have required a Rebound Guy if I were in port as scheduled to see said ex off on his flight. But alas  my ship was tasked and we never got to say good bye. I had to get over that one all by myself. For him I totally would have found a Rebound Guy. If the stars and operational tasking aligned, I think would have been fine.

The point I'm trying to make is that you don't need a Rebound Guy to boost your confidence or your self esteem. You need a Rebound Guy because he's got no ties to you, your ex, your friends or anything else going on in your life. He fills that space your ex left, heaven forbid you guys had any shared plans. Plus Rebound Guy gradually sets you down as opposed to being abruptly dumped. As long as yous twos are clear on these facts it should be a pleasant experience.

One thing is golden here though: THE REBOUND GUY IS TEMPORARY. You don't date these folks indefinitely. When you've moved on from your ex, you move on from the Rebound Guy too. Don't be like this chick:

That shit ain't real, it never happens. When Hollywood starts talking about love again, there is always some poor woman that actually believes this. I believed E.T. was real until I rode the ride at Universal Studios too. Take the time after you've moved on and do your closet cleaning, revamp your wardrobe, change your hair color, take up yoga or what ever it is you do after the scab falls off. The point of this is to come out better than when you went in.

I'm off my soap box.

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