Waiting for the Internet

I was supposed to have my Internet installed on Sunday. Last time I had to deal with the American Cable company they didn't work on Sunday. But I guess times are a changing.

After talking to several flamboyantly gay men on the phone, I was: A)Pretty sure my name was Honey and B) Utterly confused about what day these people were coming to do the install.

Picture Ms. Townes sitting in her sinfully tiny apartment contemplating breakfast, cereal or cereal, when there is a knock on the door. Is it Powdered Toast Man? No, it's Brian from the cable company.

Of course like every closet slob, I'm going to scramble to pick up all my random stuff scattered around the place (IE. the random bra in the kitchen).  I let Brian in and he immediately begins trying to sell me stuff.  Ha Ha I have my own equipment, beat that! After some serious haggling, and a cheerfully bad trade of sea stories (another freakin Sailor), my Internet was installed.

So stoked am I that I completely forget the list of crap I HAD planned for today. Instead I plopped myself in front of Mac and surfed the net. Forget the fact that school starts next week and I still haven't purchased my books. Or the fact that I still need to make my way to the VA. Or the fact that I have to return another modem  back to Radio Shack. No, nope, none of that matters. I have service.

Totally, I have my priorities here.

Not a complete waste of a day though. While I was trolling through all that is the World Wide Web, I got myself off the wait list and into a seat for a second class. Joy, Happy Face!!! I got moved up the list on the other wait listed class from 5 to #3. I'm hoping someone drops the class so I can just get it out the way. Who wants to take Poly Sci anyway. Sounds terribly boring, and not humorous. I mean the only time I need to know about how politics applies to me is during the election year. Oh HAHAHA it is the election year.

*******

Yesterday instead of posting something lengthy and clever I threw up the link to the website I have for the books. I managed to get up The New God's Chapter 4, then six hours later and with even less fanfare, I put up chapter 5.

Would you like to know how I did that? No? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. Remember Kill Bill Vol. I + II? No? Where are you people coming from? Do you not have TV? Anyway here for your education. You know how Kill Bill was supposed to be one extremely long movie then he cut it in half and made two almost completely different films? Talk about a run on sentence... Yeah well that's what happened to chapters 4 and 5 in The New God. Chapter four was becoming a marathon in my patience, best thing I could have done was either scratch it all together or make another chapter. Plan B won.

In Chapter four, Celine and Will have a late lunch and discuss how the spell in Chapter 3 failed. He tells Celine to meet him out in a field at 8 that night. There they will try the spell again with "provisions" they will need to complete it. She later goes to the team truck to process some updated information about the trip they are going on, when Verine'e (VEER-UH-NEE) drops by.

Someone on eFiction called Verine'e little miss perfect. Sounded a little antagonistic towards her as well. Good I like that I was able to bring out that particular feeling. You're not supposed to trust Verine'e. She is one of those people who fall into the unknown variable category.

Verine'e through a method I will not say disarms Celine to tell her about the cargo, she's transporting. This cargo by the way is like super hush hush, so how Verine'e found out about it is a mystery. Here you get a little back history about the world I'm creating. I'm going to throw a big word out here people: Dystopia, think opposite Utopia. I'm not, at this point in the story, ready to explain how the world came to this but, here I give a boarder view of the whole canvas. If that makes any sense I'm feeling a bit leery on that sentence...

Chapter 5 begins with Celine driving a jeep alone in the desert. She is out looking for Will. She is accosted by a starving mountain lion.  When she barely survives the attack she does manage to find Will, and another member of the team who is then sent off to get help. With the other guy no longer present Will, who knows exactly what to do to help her heal, does exactly that.

When Celine is rejuvenated, she has so much power flowing through her she can't control it. Poor Celine never felt so good in her life, she takes advantage of the moment and seduces Will, whom she'd been secretly (cough* cough* everyone knows*) crushing on for years. Will can't resist. Goremance I'm telling you...

That's the recap of what yesterday brought. Take a look at the website click on The New God Ch.1 the other four chapters are at the bottom of that first sub page.  Happy Reading, I think I might actually go food shopping now.

Six Degrees of Bacon vs Gerbil

Today is my 32nd birthday, and what am I doing? Nothing. For the third day in row I have cozied up in Starbucks and typed to my hearts content. I should be working on my book. After such a great day of writing way into Chapter three of The New God, I should be itching to jump right in and finish chapter four, but I'm not. So, like usual whenever decide I need to blog, and I have nothing to talk about I turned to the Internet. I was going for my favorite stand by, dating. Who couldn't talk about dating? I can go for miles about dating. Once again I'm not the expert, It's like this for me: Those who can,do, those who can't, teach, and those who can't teach, critique. Take your pick I've been every one of them.

But that is not what I found on the Internet today. First I went to striaghtdope and saw what Cecil was up to, he delivers as usual. Something about kidney stealing, got me thinking about Urban Legends. Cecil, by the way, says kidney stealing does happen, just not in the States. So off on a trip through the murky underground of Urban Legends goeth I.

I landed on Snopes, home of Urban Legends and other absurdities. You'd think I'd just type in Urban-legends.com and get a whole list, wrong. The site exists, it's a film company. And there goes my tangent, back to Snopes. Overload alert, Ms.Townes only wanted one, now she's got, well, more than one, lets just say that. I need to pick one, which I can't, so I trolled through a few until one seemed Dog Log worthy.

First what makes an Urban Legend, legend? It's  modern day myth having little or nothing to do with the truth that has it origins in urban cities. The kicker is that the legend doesn't actually have to come from a city, says Wikipedia, it refers more the time in which the myth is originated. A long time favorite actually began circa 1930 (considered modern) is the myth about pet alligators living in city sewers, they don't. You get the point, right? Urban meaning having all the basics of modern technology, electricity, automobiles, air travel…. 

What I did NOT find on Snopes was the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Pooh Sad Face! I just realized that I say that a lot. Sad Face! Which surprises me because that was the greatest urban legend EVAH when I was like 15. For that I had to go to Wikipedia. Snopes did have some other fun ones but the site over all is just not funny. I had to leave Snopes to a more serious crowd.

Because Cecil Adams is my idol, him, The Most Interesting Man In The World, and Egg Shen from Big Trouble in Little China. Go Six Demon Bag!!! Anyway, back on Straightdope I search urban legends. The top ten list alone gives me the chuckles. Sadly though number four on the list is true, gross but true. It IS VERY possible that your guts can get sucked out your body through a toilet. What's even worse was the poor girl that had this happen to her in a wading pool back in 2007. She later passed away the following year due to medical complications of transplants.

Not all Urban legends are true or gruesome. The one about the little boy who appears by a window in Three Men and a Baby, that one was ridiculously spread, by yours truly at many YMCA Dances, sixth grade I think. For this the crew at straight dope actually reference the aforementioned and dry ask un-buttered toast, Snopes. They save face by still making it funny, but Snopes provides the scene(s) in which you see the little boy.  Hint, it's not a boy. Pooh Sad Face!

Not  to bash Snopes for being well written and unflinchingly honest, it's just boring. Being one of the mindless millions that's attracted to all things shiny, I went back to my search engine of choice and typed in Urban Legends about celebrities. Nothing like some smut to brighten one's day. I should have stuck with dating.

About.com has 8 ULs about Princess Diana, which of none I will discuss. But there were hundreds more including the one about Richard Gere and the gerbil. I find that one HILARIOUS. Who would think of that, that's cruelty to animals. There were plenty more to choose from on About.com, and I could take the time to look through them all. Today however, is my birthday an I want to enjoy at least some of it. So I searched one more sight, hoping beyond hope that this one will close out this article, and Jackpot: it does not.

Starpulse, gives the run down on almost every celebrity legend I grew up believing to be true. It's not that I believed these things, its just I didn't care enough to see if they weren't. Paul Pfife from the Wonder Years is not Marilyn Manson (SHOCKER!). Michael Jackson never slept in a hyperbaric chamber (ARE YOU SURE?), and of course it mentioned Richard Gere again.

Boy Richard Gere really pissed off some poor woman. That's pretty vicious, the UL says that not only is he gay, he also puts small creatures in openings marked exit only. Richard Gere you need to go find that woman and apologize. 

That's it from this birthday girl. Next time I'm tapped for a topic I'll ask on Facebook first.  

Work Work Work

Yeah here I am on Christmas Eve, working. Why not, its not like I have any family here in Japan to celebrate with... I digress

Chapter 2 of The New God is posted to Google Docs, my website,  and on Wattpad.  If I dream up any other convenient way to let you all view my work I'll let you know.
Merry Christmas

Let me leave you with a little Christmas humor,

A Pack of Camels and some Fruity Collon...

So I smoke. Yes I know a terrible habit and I should quit. Blah Blah Blah... But as I was staring at my pack of cigarettes I noticed something. Unless I'm mistaken the package has the Great Pyramids of Giza on them. Camels say they used Turkish and domestic tobacco, so why is there a pyramid and a camel their mascot? I've been to Turkey and Egypt, neither one look anything like a pack of Camels.

That was just a random for you.

Over on Google+ there was this freakishly awesome post about Curly Balls.
Apparently this is a great snack in France. So the comments were all kinds of innuendo filled zingers referring to parts of the human anatomy. Who could resist some yummy Curly Balls???







Not to be topped by the French I had to counter with a snack I found in Japan. Introducing, Fruity Collon:

Also try Chocolate Collon!!!!

You gotta love international quirks...

Today I decided to devote my time to a short story. Not So Picture Perfect. This is about an artist who finds some kind of human/sea creature hybrid knocked out inside a wrecked boat that washed ashore. It promises to be dirty. Lets face folks all my stories are dirty, and gory. I want to make this pretty short. Nothing too elaborate, girl meets thing, girl tries to hide thing, thing tries to change for girl, every one lives happily ever after and has little sea creature babies. There will be gore in this, trust me I can make this happen. 

Why they come up gory I have no idea. I actually talked about this to my therapist last week. Together we invented the new genre: GOREMANCE. I'm sure someone has already made this up. But my stories, when I ever get time to finish, would fit nicely into this category.

If anyone has time to check out other stories by writers you've never heard of, check out efictionmag.com, or gather.com. If you're looking to get you're own stuff out there you can upload submissions there too.

P.S.

If you have tried to make a comment and found that you could not, PLEASE email me awtownes@gmail.com. I've been tinkering with this and I hope I've worked that issue out. If not you know what to do.

Yes Sean Connery

Dating older man is not something I'd readily do, unless he was Sean Connery or the Most Interesting Man in the World.  And do you know why; because he's Sean Connery and he's the Most Interesting Man in the World. Seriously  back on planet earth I decided to ponder this. What attracts younger women to older men? Having never dated and man more than five years my senior I had to go look this up.

Woman Dating Advice says that it is because of older men's maturity level. They go on to say that; older men have had years to hone their skills at listening to women and know exactly what to say to make women feel special. I could see that, but I'm still skeptical. I've seen the old man in the club one too many times to think it that's the sole reason.

Some random blog I found said it was because of an older man's wealth. Said Sugardaddydating he offers security where a young man is still trying to establish himself.  Having been a success the older man has a confidence in himself that women don't ignore.  This I can agree with, dating a man who is still living with his parents can be a cramp on a blossoming relationship. As is a man who has no faith in himself.

Another article I found said it was manners. I could argue that this should go along with maturity, but chivalry is a dying art.  Some younger men do have it but not all, and most older men don't think twice about pulling out a chair for his date. Chivalry comes in so many forms that a younger woman accustomed to men her own age would be overwhelmed.

Several articles said that older men are more worldly and do not mind playing the mentor. It's mutually beneficial as the younger woman makes the older man feel you again and the younger woman gets to live out her hot for teacher fantasy. (Here is where I gag. Gross.) Some even went as far as saying that some women look for a replacement father figure in and older man. (Double Gross)

My personal favorite comes from broowaha.com, out of the 50 reasons why young women date older men numbers 18,29,34,38,43 and 47 are the best.  It is a very crass list but someone had to say it.

So I gathered that older men are: wealthier, better listeners, more chivalrous, and don't mind educating the youth. I'm going to wave the malarkey flag here. In this day and age I have met some truly chivalrous men my auger even younger. I have friends who don't have to work (I'm so jealous of them right now). I also have guy friends who not only listen to my latest problem but actually offer sound advice. As for being a mentor, well, every one can teach you something. You just have to listen.

As for why I'd date Sean Connery and the Most Interesting Man in the World, I think it's the beard.   

The Website is killing me.

I added some things to the website today. I wish I could make that site better. But regardless, with out a professional on hot standby, the site is what is is. You can check that out here's the address:Read This by Tia Townes.

Earlier, I had my hair done today. As usual my hair dresser wants to cut my hair. I need to cut it, but I have a problem letting go. As we were talking she asked what I planned to do after the Military. So glad you asked was my reply. I went on to tell her about the New God and OverMuchly Wonders. I also mentioned the blog and my hopes for it.

Turns out that Wilca, the stylist, has a degree in literature for two different languages. I'm telling you someone is on my side!

In OverMuchly Wonders, the main character is preggers. I know nothing about being pregnant. Like a good little researcher i went to the NEX to see what they had in their book section on maternity, and maybe a For Dummies on webpages. I scored on two that look promising enough to be authentic for my needs. I was hoping that know one I knew saw me buying these two books. I don't want them or anyone else for that matter to get the wrong idea. came you picture how that would have went down? I'd rather not think on it too much.

Tomorrow the plan is to get with my sponsor. I owe her my fourth step. I don't expect it to be perfect, not by a long short. The idea behind doing the twelve step program is that you have to continue to do every step over and over as you progress through your recovery. Since recovery is life long, or until I pick up the bottle again (I hope not) I don't want to have it perfect. My sponsor says that I've taken too much time on it anyway. Her goal is to have completed this step before I leave Japan. I believe I can do that.

OverMuchly Wonders

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