Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Six Degrees of Bacon vs Gerbil

Today is my 32nd birthday, and what am I doing? Nothing. For the third day in row I have cozied up in Starbucks and typed to my hearts content. I should be working on my book. After such a great day of writing way into Chapter three of The New God, I should be itching to jump right in and finish chapter four, but I'm not. So, like usual whenever decide I need to blog, and I have nothing to talk about I turned to the Internet. I was going for my favorite stand by, dating. Who couldn't talk about dating? I can go for miles about dating. Once again I'm not the expert, It's like this for me: Those who can,do, those who can't, teach, and those who can't teach, critique. Take your pick I've been every one of them.

But that is not what I found on the Internet today. First I went to striaghtdope and saw what Cecil was up to, he delivers as usual. Something about kidney stealing, got me thinking about Urban Legends. Cecil, by the way, says kidney stealing does happen, just not in the States. So off on a trip through the murky underground of Urban Legends goeth I.

I landed on Snopes, home of Urban Legends and other absurdities. You'd think I'd just type in Urban-legends.com and get a whole list, wrong. The site exists, it's a film company. And there goes my tangent, back to Snopes. Overload alert, Ms.Townes only wanted one, now she's got, well, more than one, lets just say that. I need to pick one, which I can't, so I trolled through a few until one seemed Dog Log worthy.

First what makes an Urban Legend, legend? It's  modern day myth having little or nothing to do with the truth that has it origins in urban cities. The kicker is that the legend doesn't actually have to come from a city, says Wikipedia, it refers more the time in which the myth is originated. A long time favorite actually began circa 1930 (considered modern) is the myth about pet alligators living in city sewers, they don't. You get the point, right? Urban meaning having all the basics of modern technology, electricity, automobiles, air travel…. 

What I did NOT find on Snopes was the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Pooh Sad Face! I just realized that I say that a lot. Sad Face! Which surprises me because that was the greatest urban legend EVAH when I was like 15. For that I had to go to Wikipedia. Snopes did have some other fun ones but the site over all is just not funny. I had to leave Snopes to a more serious crowd.

Because Cecil Adams is my idol, him, The Most Interesting Man In The World, and Egg Shen from Big Trouble in Little China. Go Six Demon Bag!!! Anyway, back on Straightdope I search urban legends. The top ten list alone gives me the chuckles. Sadly though number four on the list is true, gross but true. It IS VERY possible that your guts can get sucked out your body through a toilet. What's even worse was the poor girl that had this happen to her in a wading pool back in 2007. She later passed away the following year due to medical complications of transplants.

Not all Urban legends are true or gruesome. The one about the little boy who appears by a window in Three Men and a Baby, that one was ridiculously spread, by yours truly at many YMCA Dances, sixth grade I think. For this the crew at straight dope actually reference the aforementioned and dry ask un-buttered toast, Snopes. They save face by still making it funny, but Snopes provides the scene(s) in which you see the little boy.  Hint, it's not a boy. Pooh Sad Face!

Not  to bash Snopes for being well written and unflinchingly honest, it's just boring. Being one of the mindless millions that's attracted to all things shiny, I went back to my search engine of choice and typed in Urban Legends about celebrities. Nothing like some smut to brighten one's day. I should have stuck with dating.

About.com has 8 ULs about Princess Diana, which of none I will discuss. But there were hundreds more including the one about Richard Gere and the gerbil. I find that one HILARIOUS. Who would think of that, that's cruelty to animals. There were plenty more to choose from on About.com, and I could take the time to look through them all. Today however, is my birthday an I want to enjoy at least some of it. So I searched one more sight, hoping beyond hope that this one will close out this article, and Jackpot: it does not.

Starpulse, gives the run down on almost every celebrity legend I grew up believing to be true. It's not that I believed these things, its just I didn't care enough to see if they weren't. Paul Pfife from the Wonder Years is not Marilyn Manson (SHOCKER!). Michael Jackson never slept in a hyperbaric chamber (ARE YOU SURE?), and of course it mentioned Richard Gere again.

Boy Richard Gere really pissed off some poor woman. That's pretty vicious, the UL says that not only is he gay, he also puts small creatures in openings marked exit only. Richard Gere you need to go find that woman and apologize. 

That's it from this birthday girl. Next time I'm tapped for a topic I'll ask on Facebook first.  

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