Friday, January 27, 2012

Just call me Oblivious

I like to lament on how much I can't find a date. I do this facetiously because I'm not really looking. Prime example: I'm walking through the courtyard at school headphones in and bopping to the beat of Gym Class Heroes. And did I notice the guys trying to get my attention? Yes. Did I stop or even smile at them? No. Know why? Well I do and it's simply because I'm uber self conscious  of myself. I'll think of every possible flaw and triple its importance just to avoid actually meeting someone. So like the coward I am I pretended not to see them.

Honestly I didn't see them until one dam near stepped out in front of me. And you know what I did? I swerved like every good Bostonian, head down as if making eye contact would insight violence. Captain Oblivious strikes again. How ever since I've been places where politeness is the norm, I did say excuse me. Head was still down though.

It occurred to me after I was sitting at the bus stop about three minutes later that I might have just missed an opportunity to meet someone new. I'll just put on this FAIL sticker. I have to remember two things here: 1 I'm supposed to be making an effort here. Remember the List? 2 I am new in town with no friends, just the dog.

By the way Chewy is doing awesome. Found food he'll eat, his eyes are clearing up, and I got some poopy pads so he can stop peeing all over my bathmat.

What's really going on here? Am I really that much of a coward? Well today I was, and I remember other occasions where I've done this. Do I feel like I'm not ready or do I just like being alone. I'm not waving the Team Single flag like I'm about to blast off at the speed of light. (Surrender now or prepare to fight...) Nor am I singing Independent at the top of my lungs.

What I really am is overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the book, work on the phones, school, Chewy, the VA, AA and pretty much everything else that I need to tackle right away. They all demand my attention. And as lame an excuse as it is, I just don't think adding a guy to the list is going to help.

Lets face it, guys want to feel special, whether they want to admit it or not, they want some tiny level of devotion from every female they encounter. They don't even have to want to sleep with you, that's just how they are. If a guy even a causal guy feels like you're not paying him attention, he'll do one of four things: Talk to you to understand what's going on (best choice), Move one (not really a bad thing if you don't have time), Seek attention elsewhere (bad if you're in an intimate/romantic relationship), or Stick around and forcefully take your time away from something else (psycho bad).

I can talk all day about the whys and why nots about dating, but the real deal is simply this.
Balance and fear, if you can't balance you're life, you won't make it. If you're afraid of dating, you'll just not date.

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