Saturday, August 4, 2012

Still a taboo: Interracial Dating?

Eye roll please...

I date whatever comes across my plate. Not because I'm desperate, but because I've spent most of my life exposed to different people and never discriminated romantically by color.

In second grade I had the hugest crush on this beautiful boy named Eric he was black. In fourth grade it was Tommy, from Cambodia. By seventh grade it was the dreamy oh Mc. Steamy Mike B. who was this Italian heart throb that all the girls absolutely adored. My "First"was a guy with a name to this day I still can't pronounce properly from Cape Verde. Luckily he had a nick name and I didn't have to feel bad about not being able to say it. So I can honestly say I've liked, loved and lost the rainbow.

I never worried, despite the movies, about dating outside my race. There was no major drama for me, like in Mississippi Masala or Jungle Fever or even Something New.

I mean I knew I was going to catch a little flack from one or two people in the family when I was dating the accountant, a big tall white guy. It was minimal and honestly he treated me like a queen. I also think my dad didn't like him because he was a nerd and her wore black socks with shorts and sneakers. Hey, he comfortable with himself.

When I joined the Military I had a relationship with a couple of guys that weren't Black. I'd like to think they liked me for me and not my color. I will admit there was one guy that dated me because he was deeply religious and he wanted to convert me. Imagine me trying not to swear in front of another Sailor, an Engineer to boot. They got the worst mouths in the Navy how odd was that?

But I'm not breaking out my book of shame for no reason and frankly I don't really think of it as a book of shame. What I'm showing is the fact that I don't think interracial dating is that big of a deal. I've come up pretty much skirting that negative stigma. What shocks me is how much of a issue it is to others. Maybe I need to take off my beer goggles or rose tinted glasses but I thought we were through with that.

I've had four documented moments of "what the fuck" since the beginning of June. I'm a little verklepmt. I can understand a certain fascination with other peoples, the allure, the mystique, but what I can't see is the oh so sublte ways in which people say this to each other.

Why is shit like this a taboo? And why is it okay to say shite like this:

Or even better:

Did we lose manners when we gained the ability to text message? What parent teaches their children to say things like this?

I'm getting off topic though. My question is and I'll keep saying this: Why is dating a black woman still important?

I don't wake up each day and say today I'm going to find me a white man and rock his world. Lately I've been busy trying to rock my own damn world, you can take that anyway you want, by the way. My hopes and aspirations for companionship don't have a color requirement. I'll admit I'll steer clear of some cultures because I've witness, first hand the accepted treatment of women. I, however will give each guy a chance to prove he's not his culture. This jaded dater, however has not been proved wrong.

But this is what I've been getting lately and I'm finding it harder and harder to want to date period.  Ladies if you would, look at this from my point of view. I'm being approached by men, intelligent men, only because of my skin tone. My attractiveness as a female does not fit into this equation, nor does my sharp wit or my goals to become an epic story teller. I'm now being chosen for the ethnicity of my name and the color of my skin.

I've lost awesome career opportunities sadly because of my color. Now I'm being almost harassed for a "good time" because of it. Talk about a being unworthy. My other qualities I've worked really hard to fine tune mean absolutely nothing. It's a blow to my ego, it really is.

I don't want to be dated because I'm black. I want to be dated because the man I like, likes me back. I want to date him because he doesn't think I'm an item on a bucket list, like, zip lining or snake charming.

Maybe I should be happy I've gotten past that particular issue in myself. I must say I don't really feel smug about it since those who've manage to catch up are already taken.

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