Friday, May 11, 2012

Friday Flash Fiction: Birthing




Flash Fiction was a beast this week only because I came up with not one but three stories. So here's what I'm going to do: Birthing is the story I'll officially submit for this week. Then on Saturday I'll submit the other two stories.


You'll enjoy the others if only because I bring back characters in both of them. 


A Good Night For A Run - Grand Pa and "Boy" are back and as usual"Boy" is trying to remind Grand Pa once again she's a girl. Of course he's having no part of that.


What Are You? - Brings the return of my two jewel thieves Marta and Henry. Last Flash Fiction left off with Marta about to kill Henry. We'll find out how that worked out.


But enough of that, enjoy the story...


Birthing



Clouds had rolled in along with the first contraction earlier in the afternoon. It was well past midnight when Kelvin stepped off the veranda. He lit a cheroot and paced the drive.

His wife began cursing him hours ago. He cared nothing about what she said. Each invective burst from her dry lips between gasps of pain. He could no longer watch her and do nothing.

When the clouds finally broke he lifted his tear stricken face to mother moon, begging with all his heart to keep her safe. He could care less about the child. It was her, he needed.

The midwife exited the house shortly after the moon disappeared. She nodded slowly to Kelvin then returned to the dark house. He was a mask of granite until the door closed.

He turned to the woods and never looked back.


Check out the Friday Fictioneers on Facebook or #FridayFictioneers on Twitter, also feel free to blog hop starting with Madison Woods blog.

28 comments:

  1. Oh dear, did she die? What a wonderful interpretation of the story.

    For others that happen along here's mine too: http://womanontheedgeofreality.com/2012/05/11/friday-fictioneers-painting-creation/

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    1. No she didn't make it. Poor Kelvin. Thank you for reading, and being the first to respond. Have a great weekend.

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  2. The midwife exited the what? Speed bumps in a grim story where its not clear who died and where the MC is going at its conclusion. Lots going on in this slice of a larger story.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/last-of-the-first/

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  3. "The midwife exited the"???
    No sounds, did both die? I'd like to know more.
    mine is here: http://oldentimes.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/its-here-the-weekend-is-nigh-fridayfictioneers-on-buffalo-river/

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  4. It's a challenge to get the whole story into 100 words, isn't it? You did a nice job, Atiya. I'd like to know, too, if the baby lived. ;)
    Here's mine: www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com

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    1. Truthfully I'd like to know more too. The main character seemed so upset how ever, and to his error never even check to see if baby survived. He didn't care about it though. His prayer to mother moon was for his wife. Thanks for reading

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  5. Oh my! A sad story; evoking images one would otherwise not imagine. Did mother and child die? Such suspense. PS: It seems you left out a word: 'the midwife exited the??'

    Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/fridayfictioneers-tanoas-baby/

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    1. Mother definitely didn't make it. As for the child we don't know. Thank you for reading.

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  6. This is wonderful! I especially love that this is seen through the eyes of the father to be. Did you have a time period in mind when you wrote this? When I was reading it, the words evoked early last century to me. I could be wrong, though.

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    1. I'll be honest I didn't have a time frame in mind. But I was reading some trashy mass produced romance novel this week. It was set in the early 19th century, so that might have been a tinsy glance of what was running through my mind when I wrote it. What's funny is in the book I just finished there are no cheroots. Thanks for reading.

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  7. Hmm. Lots of mysteries in this one. I'd like to see this as a longer piece. Good job. And thanks for the comments on mine.

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    1. Hey Thank you for returning the favor. But you didn't leave a link for others :(

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  8. Good slant. The cheroot and the midwife made me place it in the late 1800s. I did stumble slightly when the midwife "exited the house shortly after it disappeared." I know you meant the moon, not the house disappeared but it made me hesitate for a second. I also have a problem sometimes with making the language match what I'm thinking.

    Here's mine: http://melodypearson.com/flash-fiction/friday-fictioneers-photo-prompt/

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    1. Well we can be confusing together. I liked your story a lot and hope to hear more of it. In my defense, a very weak one, Midwives still exist... Thanks for stopping by.

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    2. Yeah, of course they do. I didn't mean to imply otherwise. It's just not a common thing now. I guess it was a combination of the midwife and home birth that took me so far back. We mostly expect people to go to hospitals today. I for sure want to read more if you decide to expand this one.

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    3. Oh my goodness, this is a case of the un heard tone. I was make a joke and I think I came off the wrong way. If I have put you on the defensive side it was not my intention. I was trying to be funny.

      This type of story isn't something I think I can immediately "go to" to write a story. I just happen to have been reading some sappy story set in that time and it bled in to my writing. Maybe someone of a much higher caliber can do something with this...

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  9. I enjoyed the story. I admit the same sentence tripped me up. Maybe if you reverse the event to " The moon disappeared and the midwife appeared shortly after?
    Here's my very short effort http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/friday-flash-fiction-2/

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    1. Yeah I need to be more specific. I'll think on how to make that clearer. But thank you for commenting. Your story was great too, though I'm not sure I managed to get my comment in. I'll have to check that after I fix my moon and the midwife.

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  10. As a father who loves his daughter, I do not like this man. I loathe him in fact. To turn your back on a child is cowardly and cruel. Way to go with the story, invoking those feelings from me, good job!

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    1. I never thought of how a man with children would view this story when I wrote it. My character Kelvin is definitely of the cowardly sort from your perspective. It is kind of a surprised that you feel that way. Of course I'm not a Dad or a Mom so I don't know what to expect. Loathing is such a strong feeling to have in a story and I guess I should be glad that I was able to bring that out? If Kelvin was a real person I'd kind of want to keep you too apart.

      I loved "Bring Out Your Dead" I wonder how he got that job? Thanks for stopping by.

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  11. OUCH! Verrrry stark - using short, quick hard words it really feels masculine but conveys a weakness. He couldn't bear to watch her and do nothing and without her, he simply left, possibly abandoning his child. And thanks for visiting earlier! I look forward to the weekend offerings.

    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/stay/

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    1. What I love about this exercise (aside from the blog hopping)? Is that my eyes get opened to so much talent every week and get your brain somewhat picked every time. Questions like what was the character thinking and what brought the characters to this point or that? Also I love getting small critiques and little insights on how to portray something. I'm glad that my character was able to come off somewhat masculine. ALL my characters are female so this is good feedback. Thank you for returning the favor and dropping in.

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  12. No!!!! She didn't make it??? So sad. Nice job!

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  13. I was as confused as the others. Re-read it several times and still not sure if she died until I read your replies. Did the child live? If so, he abandoned it. I do not like him. He's a weak, selfish, coward. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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  14. I agree the writing needed to be more clear. If the midwife had shook her head instead of nodding, it would make more sense. If the child survived than his motivation for leaving should definitely be more clear (as in, hinted at). Is it not his? Was it just the pain of losing her that would make caring for him unbearable. Why wouldn't he want a piece of his wife (as the child embodies)? Trying to write a whole story in 100 words is definitely a challenge (I tend to stick to moments). There are some word choice decisions that could make things clearer, too. Kelvin didn't particularly strike me as the sort of person who would refer to "mother moon" — I think "the moon" would have been fine there. I really liked "Each invective burst from her dry lips between gasps of pain." (I'm going to have to find a use for "invective" in the future!) Hope I'll get a chance to read this week's. :)

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