Thursday, March 1, 2012

Flash Fiction



"What is this?" Henry said as he fingered the tiny plastic gem bag. They littered the table and even the floor. Gems of every size shape and color spilled from a cloth bag at one end.
"This is the take from the Weiss Estate." Collin mumbled while carefully labeling a a pink gem. "Marta said she wanted them separated before she came back."

"Did she check these out." Henry opened a cupboard and removed one of the heaviest coffee cups on the shelf. "You know before she gave you bitch work?"

"No she said I had this."

"Yeah you got this. These are fake you twit." He slammed the mug over one of the tiny bags. What was once a black pearl was now chunks of dust.


21 comments:

  1. I liked that. I'm wondering if the ones I have are real or not but not sure I want to try smashing it to see, LOL.

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    1. I remembered watching something like that on Joy Luck Club. Except it was a string of white pearls that got smashed with a tea cup. I can only recall a few things about the whole story but that part really stuck with me. I'm glad you liked it. Can't wait until next week.

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    2. Oh, and I meant to tell you 'Thank you for your service.' My fiance is in Afghanistan right now, and although he's contract now, he spent 22 years dedicating his life to the Air Force. He'd want me to pass on his thanks too.

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    3. Thank you. I would do it again if I could. I'd make some different choices while I was there but not much. It was worth it. I thank your husband fro his 22 year I'm sure he reached way more service members than I did. Bless you both, he couldn't do it with out you.

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  2. An intriguing start which would make me want to read on. I had a bit of a problem imagining 'chunks of dust' though. Seemed like a contradiction somehow. But the idea of smashing, crushing with a cup - terrific.

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  3. Oops, sorry
    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/02/29/dark-heart-friday-fictioneers-2nd-march-2012/

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    1. I'm glad you liked it. I can't wait to see your. Thank you for your comment.

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  4. This is an interesting little piece - it opens up more questions than it answers. Isn't that so often the way with flash fiction?

    I'm over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/02/24/friday-fiction-14/

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    1. I just read your Friday Fiction and I loved it. Thank you for leaving a comment here.

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  5. You manage a double twist at the end, and that's impressive. Excellent dialog. I have a feeling Marta will not be pleased.

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    1. Funny you mention Marta, she was just a tool in my short. Now that you mentioned her, my juices are bubbling with possibilities. Your right she would not be please. What if the Weiss Estate was a complete front. How did they get the gems from the estate anyway??? And who are the Weiss's?

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  6. Dear Atiya,

    I have to wonder about Marta and her crew. One an idiot, or at least not the sharpest tool in the drawer and one who enjoys pointing that out. And of course there's Marta herself, having one of her minions doing 'bitch' work for what reason? Intriguing story.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/you-are-free-to-do-what-we-tell-you/

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    1. By the various comments I've seen about Marta especially, I wonder if I should go with this little short and expand on it. I guess that is the challenge with just one picture. I be checking yours out in a sec Doug. Thanks for stopping by.

      Mahalo (sp)

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  7. This is very interesting!
    I gather from the comments that these characters are oft repeated in your stories, though I am coming here the first time.
    They are good characters, you can build something nice on them.

    Here's mine - http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/03/03/the-real-thing/

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  8. Oh no, these characters are new, I've never met these people in my life. I was just throwing out the idea that I should expand on them and write something about them. I am curious about the kind of dynamic Henry and Marta would have, also where the hapless Collin would fit between them. Just an idea.

    Since I haven't been able to write anything in almost two months I'd be happy to write about anything right now.

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  9. Great twist at the end. This was very engaging and reminded me of the detective novels I used to devour back in the day. Thanks for sharing.

    My piece can be found here: http://bit.ly/vYUdU3

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    1. I haven't read many detective stories, I'm more of a paranormal romance girl, so thanks for the compliment. I like your share btw.

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  10. Nice surprise at the end!

    I like the title of your blog... 'most difficult thing to change is me'... ain't that the truth?

    http://tedeley.wordpress.com/2012/03/04/friday-fictioneers-1-semi-precious-gememoirs/

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    1. Well I am a work in progress. Some days are much harder than others. The title reminds me that I'm supposed to be improving myself. So I like it too.
      I enjoyed your blog as well. That must have been a very rough time for you. Thank you for sharing.

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  11. Nice story! It makes me think of the goons you'd see in old movies - the idiot who could be used for comedy value and the 'blunt instrument' who tends to be way too aggressive and quick to smashing things.

    Excellent stuff.

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    1. That's exactly what I was going for. Thank you for catching that.

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