I like moral support. Moral support is freaking great, I especially do when I get to the be the one granting it. Makes me feel super needed and loved.
What this is, is really a type of co dependence. I need to feel something external validates my own personal worth. Sad isn't it. It's part and parcel with my many issues, it goes past my alcoholism, passed a lot of things I'm not willing to share. The fact is I know that I can get a little codependent and I wonder sometimes if I've gone too far.
To me I feel like I can be this great giving person. If not money or food or my couch or some thing tangible I have to be that person who is always there. It's my substitute for booze. By immersing myself into someone else's life I can for a short time forget about mine.
I can forget that I want to be a writer and I haven't written anything. I can forget that I don't have money to pay my phone bill this month because I spent the money on unnecessary things like shoes or t-shirts. I can forget, and I can look like a freaking super hero in the process.
I totally soak it up. like lotion on dry skin.
There's a group for people like me. CA. Since I'm already in AA I think I'm covered for all the alkie things I'm inclined to do. The fellowship there is something people like me needs. Otherwise I'd be out of control.
Sadly I'm blogging here with out a fully formed though. Once in a while I have to do this in order to clear my head. Call it a way to vent a little frustration.
I'm still working the phones so I might come back and contribute something else. Otherwise I'll be on again later and hopefully I'll blog something and no one will die like in "No Place for Old Men" rest in peace Davy Jones.
And here's a random picture because I just like opening myself up for bad press.